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They say that the fear of public speaking is rampant in our society – so much so that it ranks above a fear of dying – so it makes sense that most people have anxiety when it comes to writing, preparing, and delivering a speech to a roomful of people (no matter how big).
I have found that practice and experience make everything easier (even public speaking), but advice from people who have been there can’t hurt, either. So, the next time you’re sitting down to write a speech, keep these no-no openers in mind!
#14. Like…
“So like, uhhhh…”
#13. On mothers.
“As a mother…”
#12. Hardy-har.
“Just flew in from LA
boy are my arms tired.”
#11. Definitely not that.
“Once I was giving a speech and the podium wasn’t attached right, so just as I was about to start and I leaned on the podium it lifted up and the microphone hit me in the mouth.
When it was an inch away from my mouth, I had just finished the first word of my speech:
FUCK”
#10. A stunner.
“Webster’s dictionary defines <topic> as…reads dictionary definition in its entirety.”
Well this is going to be a stunner of a speech in already sure of it.”
#9. Clickbait.
“Top 13 reasons clickbait works. Number 10 will blow your tits clean off.”
#8. Here we go.
“I was lucky enough to be on the receiving end of “I know your all want to get out of here, and aren’t interested in a long speech, but that’s too bad, here we go…”
#7. Hopefully.
“I am much smarter then you so hopefully you get what I am about to say.”
#6. Yawwwwn.
“Hello, my name is <name> and I’m going to talk to you about…..”
#5. An hour from now.
“An hour from now you’re all going to be asking yourselves ‘Is this guy EVER going to get to the point ?’ and an hour after that you still won’t know.”
#4. Insert zodiac sign.
“Well… as a insert zodiac sign I think that…”
#3. It’s not pretty.
“I’m imagining you all in your underwear, and it’s not pretty.”
#2. Just no.
“So I was reading on the internet the other day…”
#1. Solid.
“When I in grade 4 the teacher told us opening line of speech should get people’s attention. So, my friend made a speech, and he yelled, “SEX! Okay, now that I’ve got your attention, I would like to talk about the environment.”
