You know the kind of injury I’m talking about – the ones that are bad, but you hate having people ask what happened because the story is too embarrassing to tell. I mean, the older I get, the more of these I sustain – I can put my back out for days bending over to pick up laundry, for example.
When I was a teenager, I split my knee open and had to get stitches. I told people it was running into the centerfield fence catching a softball (which was true) but tried to conveniently leave out the detail that the injury happened during warmups and not during an outstanding, homerun-robbing catch.
I have to say, though, these 13+ stories definitely put mine to shame!
#15. Emergency surgery.
“Laughing with a friend of mine at Dairy Queen. Laughed so hard because he pulled out a condom instead of money and he thought everyone saw him so I burst into gut wrenching laughter apparently rupturing my L4-L5-S1 vertebrae requiring emergency surgery!”
#14. That darn cat.
“I injured my knee by crouching to pet a cat.
I could barely walk for a few days and couldn’t do any exercise or sports for nearly a month.”
#13. Sitting and eating waffles.
“When I was a little kid, I fell over and broke my collar bone while sitting and eating waffles. I wish this was fake.
Edit: About a year before this incident, I broke the same bone playing on my mother’s bed. I believed I was a Power Ranger and rolled off the bed… onto the hard wood floor.”
#12. Dropped cold.
“I was once concucsed after being dropped off late to school. Turned back to wave to my dad and ran smack straight into a stop sign and dropped cold.”
#11. I got a hernia from…
“I got a hernia from taking a dump.”
#10. Putting socks on.
“I dislocated my knee….putting socks on. I was standing near the foot of my bed and was doing a balancing act putting socks on. When I went to put my right leg back down, my pant leg somehow got stuck on the footboard of my bed. My jeans somehow then decided to rip and my knee moved in a way it was never intended to.
I’m definitely a klutz and tend to find myself in weird situations like this far too often.”
#9. It was the bottom bunk.
“Broke my collar bone after accidentally rolling onto the floor off a bunk bed… it was the bottom bunk.”
#8. Busy bee.
“I built a nice counter for our laundry room, installed the new washing machine, installed the wall-mounted dryer, made shelves with the leftover wood, and even found time to plant an apple tree my mom had bought, all in the same day. Then slipped a disc when I was washing my hands -_-“
#7. Isn’t it ironic?
“I got a paper cut opening a band aid.”
#6. While taking a nap.
“Pulled a muscle in my right butt cheek while taking a nap. Couldn’t walk properly for the next 7 hours.”
#5. Have to use crutches now.
“I got out of bed a few weeks ago and turned my ankle. Tore every ligament and have to use crutches now.”
#4. Because of pants.
“Tore my ACL and meniscus in my right knee while pulling my pants up changing in the locker room after swim practice. Took two surgeries and 6 months of recovery to get back to normal. Because of pants.”
#3. I was sitting on a couch…
“I was sitting on a couch. There was a blanket on the floor barely covering my feet. While seated, I leaned forward to pull the blanket onto myself. Pulled a muscle in my back and was out of work for 4 days.”
#2. I hugged my telescope.
“Little me, around 8 years old spent a few hours gazing through his telescope into the moon, the stars and the sky and it was awesome. When I was done, I hugged my telescope, optical tube down and eye piece up. I was very short, very very short. Almost telescope sized back then.
So, of course I tripped, by reflex I looked down, while at the same time, the big end of the telescope hit the ground, and my mouth caught the eyepiece, almost.
Right between the upper lip and the nose, went almost all the way in, and turns out my face is a gusher. In two spots it went all the way through my facemeat and hit my front teeth, lucky me it didn’t crack a tooth. Thanks for the ER trip Mr. Telescope, Who knew stargazing was such dangerous activity?”
#1. The office Christmas party.
“Two years ago I tore my miniscus and blew out my knee playing ping pong at our office Christmas party. Stepped to the left and went down hard. Worst part was two days later when I finally stubbornly went to emerg that the nurses keep me a pro athlete and the dude ahead of me had the exact same injury from a “vicious hockey hit.””