Ah, weddings – the beauty, the romance, the booze, the awkward speeches and coming together of previously unrelated families…it’s no wonder that they’re also ripe playgrounds for drama. And these 13+ weddings definitely had that in spades.
#15. No way.
“Wedding for my second cousin (the bride). The best man was absolutely wasted and was giving his speech. About halfway through, he says the bride’s name and looks at her and loses his train of thought and just goes “God you’re just so sexy, I wish I would’ve fucked you first.”
#14. That would do it.
“After the ceremony everyone got up except one very old and frail looking lady who it transpired had passed away.
The reception was rather subdued.”
#13. They popped right out.
“One of the groomsmen was dancing with the maid of honor and they did a dip maneuver. The problem with this being that the maid of honor’s dress was strapless and her boobs had recently swelled up (she was pregnant) so that maneuver made them pop right out of the top of her dress in front of the whole dance floor.”
#12. A substitute bride.
“We showed up to a wedding where the bride was not the girl everyone was expecting. Turns out the couple had called it quits like two weeks before, but the groom was so cheap he did not want to lose all the money invested in the wedding reception, so he decided to ask one of his ex girlfriends to marry him. The girl accepted, it was very awkward because everyone at the wedding was talking about it.”
#11. Please say there wasn’t video.
“The bride said she had a surprise for the groom, so she dissapeared, groom got sat in the middle of the dance floor, and bride came back to do a seductive belly dance for him. In front of their whole families and friends. Neither of them is even remotely middle eastern. It was so, so bad.”
#10. Not a mistimed joke.
“Wedding photographer here. Easily the worst was when the father of the groom, apparently entirely sober, gave a 10-minute toast that devolved into openly complaining that his son got to have sex with the bride and he didn’t. And this wasn’t a mistimed joke about how pretty she was, this was a full-on lament about growing old and how women didn’t find him attractive anymore and that all he wanted was to take his daughter-in-law to bed. I got a few photos of the bride and groom reacting in horror to this and then I went and hid with the catering staff in the kitchen, who were peeking out the door to observe the carnage.”
#9. Mortification all around.
“My dad was the best man at a low key wedding. We went to a restaurant after and in his speech he thanked the father of the bride for paying for the meal, and it turned out we were all paying for our own meals. The father of the bride was mortified and so was my dad.”
#8. Everyone stayed standing.
“The officiant (not sure if they were a priest or whatnot) forgot to say “you may be seated” before going through the ceremony and exchange of vows. The crowd didn’t know what to do and just kept standing… through the whole ceremony.”
#7. Don’t let go.
“The groom ran full sprint around the wedding reception hall double fisting bottles of beer. He slipped on the ground and dislocated both of his hips. His father popped them both back in while the groom screamed through tears (while still clutching the beers).”
#6. Words matter.
“I was at a wedding – partner’s cousin – and the bride’s father, very intoxicated, started an aside with a, “I have to say it…”
Apparently, the bride used to have a pretty serious drug & self-harm problem. He credited the groom with saving her life.
Phrased correctly, that could have come out as high praise for him.
Added to the speech after he got drunk, it came out as, “We’re so lucky that she turned out okay, after her brief stint as a crack-whore!”
… not optimal.”
#5. Maybe an ex-friend, now.
“Saw a groom open up gifts and cards during the wedding, and counting the money and calling people out on how much the gave them.
Also saw his friend, maybe ex-friend now, grab the money he gave him and leave. Was awesome to see.”
#4. In sickness and health.
“Friend’s wedding, in the middle of the vows when they reached the “through sickness and health” section, the pastor started going off on his life story – how he has had three wives and they all died horribly and so it’s important to really mean the “through sickness” bit. Then at the end of the wedding, before he announced them as a couple, he asked his fourth wife to stand up. Really weird, everyone was looking around at each other to see if it was a joke or not. Groom was pretty pissed off.”
#3. A good ounce stupider.
“Groomsman had a little too much vodka and decided to propel himself through a tempered glass door head-first. Turns out tempered glass is really hard to break.
His limp body proceeded to slide down a flight of cement stairs.
As I was calling the ambulance a bridesmaid was screaming in my face about how I was ‘going to ruin the wedding’ and how he would be ‘just fine’ (as he twitched and drooled in my lap – completely sauced, concussed, and a good ounce stupider than he was five minutes before).
We all went out for drinks after they carted him off, but the girl wouldn’t let it go.”
#2. Now that’s awkward.
“Went to a wedding where the first kiss as husband and wife was literally their first kiss. She went for the quick peck and he went for the “dog licking it’s bowl clean” style kiss. She was not happy about it.”
#1. Horrifying.
“The bride’s older brother gave a speech where he talked about how he changed her diaper when she was a baby. He then told the groom that because of this, he (the brother) “saw her first”. It was super gross and cringy.”
I hope the next wedding I go to is half as interesting.
