Some people just adore flowers, and cards, and those little candy hearts, and going on a date night with the rest of the couples in their town.

BUT THE REST OF US PREFER CYNICAL SARCASM AND 8 SHOTS OF TEQUILA.

If you’re the latter, these 14 anti-Valentine’s cards are compiled in a lovely gallery, just for you, to fuel your passion for drunken independence and boost your lifelong YOLO-SOLO status.

#1. For the vodka enthusiast.

#2. For the go-getter in all of us.

#3. For the ‘Captain Obvious’ type.

#4. For the best friend.

#5. For those with average-to-high standards.

#6. For the ‘A-for-effort’ type.

#7. For puppy love.

#8. For brutally honest rabbits.

#9. For the determined loner.

#10. For when you finally meet that special someone. At Comicon.

(Or for face huggers.)

#11. For the pessimistic foodie.

#12. For pop-culture enthusiasts (who are also very cranky).

#13. For those who are in denial.

#14. For the future you, because it’s inevitable at this point.

If you’ve made it this far, I think it’s safe to say you’ll be surrounded by cats till you’re old and grey.

And when you finally die, they will eat you immediately. Because that’s what cats do.

Happy VD!