14 People Imagine a World With a “Reverse Yelp” and the Reviews Are Spot On

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Yelp! is a website and app that can be super helpful if you’re looking for somewhere to stay, eat, or are thinking of booking one of the services they cover. The site allows users to rate products and experience so that other people know whether or not it would be worth their time to check the place out, too.

Unfortunately, most businesses and service people don’t have the opportunity or any way to rate customers in return, even fi someones they really, really deserve it (good or bad!).

Enter Reddit, whose users imagine what people might say if they did get that opportunity.

14. The dream, right there. Take notes.

Came in. Ordered. Ate their food in silence. Left minimal mess and a reasonable tip. Then buggered off.

My perfect customer.

5 stars.

13. See. Not all customers are bad customers.

Her kids dropped the popcorn so she asked me for a broom to let them clean it up themselves.

I said it wasn’t necessary but she insisted that she wanted to raise them to be conscious of the fact that when they make a mess someone has to clean it up.

Nice lady. 5/5

12. That’s the way to take back control.

Drunken fool tried to return half bottle of booze because it “tastes off.”

Watch him get in his car and promptly called police to report drunken driver.

11. This is sad but also, fist-bump for the server.

This girl was clearly having a bad day. She seemed really angry and upset. I tried my best to help, but there wasn’t much I could do. I took her order, served her as usual. She got a call and walked out of the restaurant.

I went to the table and found a 50 dollar bill and a sweet little note about how her husband died and she really appreciates my patience.

5 stars, best customer.

10. It’s time to unload!

“You were the most unreasonable person I have ever met. Every single person, from the ushers (who are volunteers) to the other patron who offered their seat to you wanted to help. I wanted to help you.

I know when you are unable to transfer out of your wheelchair, it is a frustrating situation. It must be absolutely maddening when the house manager can not remove the seat in the center of the theatre (which was bolted to not only the cement floor, but to the rest of the seats in the row) so you can put that wheelchair there.

I’m sorry that our ADA seating were at the front and rear of the theatre, and not where you purchased your ticket. I’m sorry that when you called our box office, you did not mention your inability to transfer out of your wheelchair.

But you did not need to yell and curse in front of everyone waiting to watch Miss Saigon. You did not have to hit me. You are the first and last person I ever issued a refund to just to get you to stop screaming.

When you needed to get back to the lobby and were unable to push your wheelchair back up the ramp, I again tried to help you. First, I offered to push you up myself, but you insisted I should not touch the wheelchair (please note: no one had ever called me a f-word/c-word before, kudos to your creativity).

I then offered to find your now absent husband/boyfriend. It wouldn’t have been hard to find him, for he was at the bar ordering his third whiskey (lobby had only been open for 20minutes at that point). But again, you vehemently declined assistance.

But I must say, it was rather astounding when you stood up and proceeded to walk the wheelchair back to the box office of your own volition. I say astounding, because when your husband/boyfriend asked why you were leaving, and you said because you ‘didn’t want to sit in our fucked up seats.’

I then assumed you had a condition whereupon sitting for long periods of time caused great discomfort. I then asked if there was a way to further accommodate you so that you may see the show. Then your husband called you ‘an old bat who was just trying to get free tickets. She’s not disabled, it’s all an act!’

I bid you both a goodnight. 1 Star. I would have given you 0 stars, but I reserve that for the person who tried to kill me because a queue line wasn’t moving fast enough for their liking.”

9. This is everyone’s review of me, ever.

“Very polite but also incredibly awkward for some reason.”

8. People are so stinking entitled.

A customer walked in the front door of my very closed, curbside only pub today and asked if we had any steak. He had to ignore a giant sign saying


Zero out of five stars. I almost had a rage stroke.

7. Is there a lower option?

The lady who yelled at me on the second day of my first job over the price of milk can have a solid 1 star.

6. Just be ready for it.

Becky and Judy, five stars.

After two glasses of temperanillo Judy is going to order a half glass. Ask if she went to physical therapy today for her shoulder.

If she did, give her the full glass. Becky will wink at you.

5. A head’s up is always nice.

I’ve got a few…

  • “Very friendly, usually gets a root beer to start and a coffee after their meal.”
  • “Eats out on break from lunch daily, usually wants quick service and minimal interruptions, sometimes eats with a client. Usually tips well.”
  • “Made many additional requests throughout the meal during peak dinner hour. Left the table disgustingly messy. Did not tip well.”
  • “This guest is awesome! Likes to take suggestions, so offer a drink and make sure to have some lesser known dishes memorized. Will talk to you for as long as you let them.”
  • I would mostly try to let other waiters know what to expect from tables.

You’re welcome.

4. It’s sad that he’s in the minority.

Nice, pleasant man. Always orders the same sandwich every time, making preparing for him simple despite the complicated sandwich. Tips well, never talks longer it takes to complete his order.

Also, the only male regular over 50 that doesn’t leer at my underage coworker.

5 stars.

3. Just don’t get popcorn, Karen!

“Came on opening weekend of one of the biggest movies of the year 5 minutes before the showtime and then was shocked they’d have to stand in line for their concessions. Then complained to management that they ‘missed their movie’.

Like what did they think was going to happen? Like we’d have a reserved placed in line for them because of their obvious VIP status as King Douchelord of Assland?

0 stars!”

2. Negative 5 stars? WOAH.

She lied about her hair history, wanted white blonde in one session on her “virgin” dark hair that the strand test determined was a lie. Said she could do it herself at home, turned hair orange instead.

Came back to get a color correction and after explaining why she couldn’t have blonde she said she’d settle for anything but orange and lighter than the dark. Gets a beautiful chocolate/caramel color and cries because it’s not blonde and too expensive, and also leaves no tip.

-5 stars, not worth my time

1. Who does that?!

“Brought infant to rated R movie then complained that it was ‘too scary’ and demanded a refund.

0 stars.”

I think some of these are about the nicest things someone could say, given the chance.

If you work in the service industry, what’s the worst review you would give a customer? Tell us about it in the comments!