I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that Reddit is life, but you may not have known that it can also change your life by bringing you the knowledge of the wise. Here are some psychological hacks redditors suggest using to get more control over yourself in potentially awkward situations.
#14. “…the chances of them behaving irrationally lowers significantly.”
I learned this on here a few years ago. For anyone in customer service (or works for many different situations, but CS is a big one) put a mirror behind you at the counter. This way angry customers who approach you will have to see themselves in the mirror behind you and the chances of them behaving irrationally lowers significantly.
No one wants to see themselves act like a dickhead.
#13. Get real close
If you’re in a group meeting and you suspect that someone in there might come after you about something, sit right next to them.
They were hoping that the group would provide some sort of herd defense, but if you’re right next to them it can’t be anything other than personal.
This tends to make them back off, or at least substantially temper what they say.
#12. “Has helped calm me a few times.”
Chew gum when you’re approaching a situation that would make you nervous like public speaking or bungee jumping.
I can’t remember where I heard it but apparently if we are ‘eating’ something in our brains trip and it reasons ‘I would not be eating if I were danger. So I’m not in danger’. Has helped calm me a few times.
#11. “You will be seen as more a more positive person…”
Promise yourself you’ll never talk shit about other people. Even when the people around you are talking shit, even when you agree with the shit they’re saying. You don’t have to make a big deal of it, just don’t partake in it.
Once people get the idea you’re not into saying mean shit about other people behind their backs, the amount of shit they talk around you will decrease. It isn’t fun to talk shit unless everybody’s talking shit. Your decision to stop talking shit and their eventual reaction to you not reciprocating the shit talking will positively affect both of you, as well as your relationship.
I don’t know, for me, since I made this change in how I interact with people the amount and quality of my friendships has grown. People will trust you more if they haven’t listened to you gossip about other people. You will be seen as more a more positive person than other friends who do talk shit. The gap gossiping used to fill will be replaced with way more interesting and/or intimate conversation too.
#10. “…the power of suggestion is strong.”
For interviews I recommend altering your psychological state beforehand. Tell yourself “I’ve known these people all my life. We’re old friends catching up. I can’t wait to see them”. Visualize the experience, shaking hands, making eye contact, having conversation. What things can you not to wait to tell them?
Hold an open pose…stand with your legs apart, hands on your hips, and shoulders back while doing this and SMILE. This may sound cliche but you are in charge of your own psychological state and the power of suggestion is strong.
#9. “The last step is the most vital step for your comprehension.”
A Navy lifer I worked with taught me the “See one, do one, teach one” method.
The last step is the most vital step for your comprehension. If you are taught a new task at work, most people learn to do the task and then perform the task. If you find another employee to teach what you just learned, you will comprehend the concept better, and retain the info for much longer.
Whenever I train a new associate at work, I ask them to go show another coworker how to do the task they just learned. Magic.
#8. “…avoid negative words when pitching something unfavorable…”
I work with mentally disabled children, and have found it highly beneficial to describe their capacities in such a way that I indirectly describe their limitations, as opposed to the reverse.
In real life terms – avoid negative words when pitching something unfavorable to an audience that you want to receive it well. If you can do it in writing, all the better, because you get to pick out your words carefully. Also focus the manner by which you intend to fix things, rather than the problems.
Johnny can’t even speak in phrases, and only turns his head to you when you say his name, but doesn’t make eye contact. He won’t sit in a chair for more than a minute unless you repeatedly tell him to.
NOPE. TRY AGAIN. Johnny uses words to communicate, so the next step is to strengthen his skills up to the level of 2-word phrases. He responds to his name by turning, so we’re going to work on his ability to maintain eye contact. Johnny is able to remain seated for longer than one minute if given repeated prompting.
Which would you rather hear about your kid? This also applies to other types of work – use it to present anything negative. Works magnificently.
#7. “Take them on a date to see a scary movie…”
Basically, if you want to make someone like you, get their heart rate going. Take them on a date to see a scary movie and then go out for coffee. This puts their body in an aroused (increased blood flow, not sexual) state.
Their mind then falsely attributes that physiological effect to being with you making them think they like you! (hopefully they actually do, but this gets the ball rolling)
#6. “…they will be more likely to view you as less biased.”
Don’t give your stance first. Give your argument. In some self interest research that I did myself in my undergrad, I found that your persuasiveness is fragile and dependent on your social identity. For example, if you came out and say “I’m an atheist and this is what I believe,” you are already seen as less persuasive and more biased because people already know why you are arguing what you’re arguing; you have something to gain by convincing people. You’re an atheist.
What you should do is not say you’re an atheist at all. Say “this is what I believe…” Because people don’t have an assumption already in their mind, they will be more likely to view you as less biased. Bonus points if you’re on the opposite side. For example, a conservative arguing for gay rights is going to be viewed as very persuasive and not biased at all because they literally have nothing to gain from holding that viewpoint while a homosexual arguing for gay rights does have something to gain and thus is seen as more biased.
#5. “Research has shown that men will go to great lengths…”
Wearing red. For women, the color red makes them exponentially more attractive.
Research has shown that men will go to great lengths to do things for a woman in red that they would not do otherwise like give her money or even carry her across the street.
#4. “People are selfish and they love talking about what they do.”
So something that we do that we don’t realize is mirror the body language of people that we like, like our friends. If they sit crossed legged, we will. If they touch their face, we will. This goes back to the subconscious will to be more like the people that we respect. You can kind of “force” this though, say in an interview. Put a conscious effort into mirroring the body posture of your interviewer, bun don’t be obvious about it. Be nice and subtle. This will kind of trick their mind into thinking that they like you. After all, you are doing similar things with your body, so why not!
Get them to talk about themselves. People are selfish and they love talking about what they do. Ask your interviewer as many questions about what they do for work and really listen. They will walk away from the interview in a good mood because they got to talk about themselves and they will then think that the interview went well.
If you are able, schedule the interview as early as possible. There’s a ton of cognitive psychology research about the primacy effect which essentially states that items are more memorable if they are presented earlier. So if you’re going into a grad school interview where the person will literally be interviewing all day, you will be more memorable if you go first.
If you are unable to be first go last. Similarly, there is research about the recency effect, which states that items are also memorable if they are presented last, though the primacy effect is more reliable. Just try not to be stuck in the middle.
#3. “…act like you can’t hear him…”
You know how a joke ceases to be funny when you have to repeat it? Well use that to your benefit; if that asshole in the group is making jokes at your expense, act like you can’t hear him and ask him to repeat it like 3 times.
By the time he says it a 3rd or 4th time, no one is laughing.
#2. “Instead use short pauses to gather your thoughts…”
Make it a practice to get rid of filler words and phrases such as Uh, Um, Like, ‘You know”, etc.
Instead use short pauses to gather your thoughts before speaking (though avoid Shatner style pauses). Using filler words keys whoever you’re talking to that you are thinking about what you’re saying, leaving them out makes these ‘thinking spots’ less noticeable (since you aren’t essentially announcing to the world that you are thinking) and makes you seem more sure of yourself.
#1. “Everything anyone knows, they learned along the way.”
Fake it till you make it; confidence is more important than knowledge.
Don’t be intimidated by anyone, everyone is playing a role and wearing a mask.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions; it makes you look interested, and you will learn something. Anything can be learned if you put the effort in. Everything anyone knows, they learned along the way. Everyone, even the president. Learn the difference between open and closed questions, and how open ended questions move conversations along.
Along the same lines, learn to argue for and against a variety of topics. If you can do this, you can take any position on any matter. Being able to argue a point is the basis of persuasion and learning.
When you are having a conversation, use open body posture. Learn the difference between open and closed body language. When you feel uncomfortable, mirror the other person’s body language.
Learn how to paraphrase and summarize, to ensure understanding and avoid mis-communications. If you’re going to use a telephone, record yourself talking. Are you difficult to understand? Do you talk fast? Etc. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person.
Knowledge is power. Don’t just learn how to do your job, learn why it has to be done a certain way. Improve on it if you can. Demonstrate your knowledge to your bosses; it will get you noticed.
Go to your managers with solutions, instead of problems. Make their job easier, learn how they work, and then ride their coattails up the ladder.
Attitude is everything. Learn how to deal with stress without changing your behavior. Doing a high stress job is one thing, doing it while making it appear seamless is another. This is also why knowledge is important – the more you know, the more confident you become, and the better you look.
Learn Etiquette. It might seem stupid, but it is the basis of common business courtesy, and it DOES make a difference.
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