If you want to avoid getting into a disaster of a relationship, it’s important to read the signs early, before you get too attached. There are some common red flags to watch out for, like anger or control issues. But what about green flags — the clues that a person will be a good, kind partner?
Someone on AskReddit asked users to share some green flags to look out for in potential partners, and people shared their wisest advice. If you see these green flags in a date, take it as a great sign.
1. Kindness without self-interest.
“That they’re kind also when they don’t get anything for it.
Met my bf during college, and the whole class rented some cabins in a ski resort. I fell asleep on the couch after a party, and woke up with a blanket and a bottle of water next to me. Another friend told me he did it, he never talked about it.
He also picked up trash from the ground and threw it in a bin on our first date. He’s just very, very kind.”
2. Unprompted consideration.
“If they actually reach out to you on their own, compliment you without you doing it first, and remember things you have told them.”
3. Understanding mistakes.
“At any sign of inconvenience like you being late or some sort of mistake taking place, them displaying a calm practical manner and moving on in an appropriate time frame.”
“Consistent behavior from that person. Maybe that isn’t subtle, but I think it’s a good green flag, in any case.”
“Frankly, this is really the only one that matters. Or, more specifically, the other ‘green flags’ are only green flags when they’re done consistently. A lot of people are clever enough to fake being nice for a short time.”
5. Listening to what you say.
“They listen to what you say and ask you related/follow up questions, rather than spending most of the time talking themselves.”
6. Taking interest in your hobbies.
“Someone who takes genuine interest in your likes and wants to know more about the topic when you talk to them about it.”
“Like, I don’t expect you to care about the same games I do, but if I’m excited about one, I’d like it if you were happy for me. In return, I will happily listen to you get excited about your favorite topics, even if I don’t care for those topics myself.”
7. Comfortable silence.
“Being able to enjoy silence with each other.”
“One of my first dates with my husband we went to an amusement park and barely spoke all day. We were happy to just walk together and hold hands in line. But on the drive home we talked non stop.”
8. Kindness to strangers.
“Positive interactions with people they have no stake or direct gain in knowing.”
“On my third date with my now wife we were walking in lower Manhattan. I found an envelope on the sidewalk and went to the building it was addressed to in order to make sure the recipient got it. She said it was this small little thing that made her think I was a keeper.”
9. Being nice to others when they’re not around.
“Especially when they stand up for some random person someone else is shit talking about.”
10. Lack of condescension.
“How they act if they have to explain something to you or help you. Any situation really where they end up being “dominant”, in a lack of a better word. Do they make you feel good or stupid/weak in that situation?”
“I’m bilingual so my vocabulary is a little bit less broad in each language. Every so often I have to ask my boyfriend what a word means. He always just explains it to me in a nice way without making me feel inferior. Hadn’t really thought much about how nice that is.”
11. The ability to say sorry.
“Admitting when they’re wrong/apologising/taking responsibility.”
“My dad always apologized to me when I was a child. I now realize how many adults refuse to apologise or acknowledge how they’ve hurt their child due to ego, etc. I really value now when an adult can say they were wrong and are sorry, especially to a child.”
12. Initiating contact.
“Being the person to make contact when you carry on with your day to day life. I used to go through periods of complete seclusion where I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone, before she was my wife, she was the only person that would go out of her way to email me or get a message to me asking how my week was going, no other girlfriend ever did that…. If i didn’t log onto MSN and strike up a conversation or send the first text I wouldn’t get anything.
I kept every email she sent me, turns out she has all of mine in a folder too.”
13. Healthy boundaries.
“Respecting your boundaries.”
“Placing a boundary doesn’t make you a bad person. And you should not have to remind them of the boundaries, it’s their job to remember.”
14. Uninhibited laughter.
“Be able to laugh together, without being concerned what sound you make and what you look like while laughing.”
15. Depth of character.
“Personally I want to see depth of character, curiosity and compassion. Instead of talking about shallow things and gossiping/complaining, does he have some level of introspection and focus his energy on being a better person? Rather than being quick to judge others, he would be curious about human nature, people’s motivations, and what in their life caused them to become what they are. I just find people like this make better and more interesting partners.”