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As human beings, most of us like to think that we have a decent sense of humor. That we’re a little discerning, like we think The Three Stooges are for philistines, and we can easily tell which stand-up comics are worth a Netflix special.
The bottom line is that most of us will laugh at really dumb stuff, too, and if you want proof, just try to get through this list of 15 stupid jokes without cracking a smile.
15. It’s a cultural thing.
What do u call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? – your mom
14. Make people think about it.
“Without CGI, Comedy Bang Bang would just be Omedy Ban Ban”
13. Every preschooler’s favorite.
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!
12. Points for making people uncomfortable.
Two whales are in a bar.
One turns to the other and says, “Awwwwwooooooooooorrrrrrrrghhhheeeeeeeeeaawweewwwwiiiiighhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrroooowwwwwwweyyyijraaaaaeeeeeww.
Eeeeeeeeeeeaaarrrrrhhhhhhgroooooooooyyyyiiiiiiiaaaaawwwweer.
Wooooorrrraaaawwwwwwwiiiiiiibaewwwwwww.
Eee. Oooo. Bawwwwwwwwwww.
Wheahhhhggggyyyyyyouuuuuuuuuuuuuawawawawyyiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeraaaaaaaaawwwwwouououououiiiwwweeeeeerrrrrrrrrhhhhhhawwwwwwwwwwweeeeerrrrrrr-
And the other one says,
“Go home, Frank. You’re drunk.”
The brilliance of this joke is that when you make the whale noises, people laugh. You don’t stop. It’s not the end of the joke. You keep going. They realize that you’re still going, and laugh a little bit more. That’s not it yet. The whale still has something to say. The room goes quiet, almost awkward. It’s not awkward for you. You’re telling a story. About a whale. Who’s telling his story. In whale. You keep going. The people are frozen, transfixed, enthralled.
They don’t know what to do. Should they escape? Should they stop you? Everyone in the room is aware of you. They start to laugh nervously again. You do not encourage their laughter. You are too focused on channeling the incomprehensible problems of a self-medicating cetacean. Their laughter becomes real now. They are laughing at you, at the absurdity that life has become. They are laughing because they do not understand what is happening.
They are laughing because they cannot leave. They are laughing because they are afraid. Maybe this is what the whale was saying in the first place. Then the punchline.
11. OK this isn’t half bad.
Why was the baguette in the zoo?
Because it was bred in captivity.
10. The long way around.
A man wants to learn martial arts, so he goes to his local Dojo and talks to the sensei. The sensei tells him to do a few kicks and punches to see what he is improving on. “You’re pretty good at punching, but you need to get better at kicking” he says, ” some of my senior students are teaching skills for people who are bad at those right now. Go get in line to have one of them show you.”
The man walks to the first line he sees and asks which line it is. “This is the line for people who are bad at karate chops.” is the reply. So he tries the next line: “Is this the line for people who are bad at kicking?” he asks. He is told that this is in fact, another bad karate chop line.
He repeats this process, encountering 3 more lines for bad karate chops, and 2 for bad sweeps, but none for bad kicks. On the 8th try he again asks “Is this the bad kick line?”
The person at the end of the line looks at him defeated and says “No, this is a bad punch line.”
9. Think about it.
there are three types of people in the world Those who can count and those who can’t.
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don’t.
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who do not and those who did not expect this joke to be in base 3.
8. Why is this so funny?
Why don’t chickens wear pants? Their pecker is on their face.
7. The same as all the other dogs.
My dog has no nose.
Really? how does he smell?
Terrible.
6. Ba-dum-ching.
I just learned Eistein was a real person.
I alway thought he was just a theoretical physicist
5. You have to wait for it.
Five hundred bricks are being transported on a plane. One falls off, how many are left?
499
How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
The king of the jungle, the mighty lion, calls a meeting of all of the animals. Which animal isn’t present?
The giraffe, he’s still in the fridge.
A woman swims through a crocodile infested river because the bridge is out. What happens?
She made it across, all the crocodiles are at the lion’s meeting.
Although she made it across the river, she never made it to her destination. Why?
She was killed by a falling brick.
4. Just following directions.
A man is going for a walk when he sees this stunningly beautiful horse for sale, roaming about in a pasture. It’s like, a super gorgeous horse, powerful and big and grand and white with a long flowing mane. The dude’s like oh man, this is a gorgeous horse, I need to have this horse!
So he goes to the house to ask about buying the horse, and the horse is owned by a priest. The priest happily sells the man his horse, and helps him get set up.
“Now, there’s a few things to know before you take this horse for a ride. To get him to go, you must say thank god. To get him to stop, you say the Lord’s prayer. Okay?”
“Okay, got it,” The man replies, totally distracted by this gorgeous horse.
He gets on the horse and the priest says “thank god!” And the horse is off, and the man is LIVING. They’re like flying around through the fields and going faster and faster, when the man notices a cliff coming up fast. He panics, and tries everything to stop the horse, every religious phrase he can think of, but nothing works. Resigned to his fate, the man starts praying. “Our father, who art in heaven, hallow be thy name–”
And miraculously, the horse stops, inches from the cliff.
The man is so relieved, he’s near tears. He takes a handkerchief out of his coat and wipes the sweat off his brow, loudly exclaiming “THANK GOD!”
3. You’ve gotta pay attention.
Two guys walk into a bar.
You’d think the second guy would duck.
2. So wrong but so right.
Me: did you know Hellen Keller’s family had one of the most ornate and elaborate home gardens in the country during her life?
Kids: no
Me: well neither did Hellen Keller
Kids: that’s messed up (but smiling)
Me: don’t worry. She won’t hear us
Kids: cause she’s deaf
Me: no, cause she’s dead
1. And this is also wrong. Ha!
A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “I have bad news, and I have worse news. The bad news is you have Alzheimer’s. The worse news is you have cancer.”
The man says, “Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.”
Well, I failed the smart humor test.
Tell us how you fared down in the comments – and add you favorite dumb joke to the list, too!
