Marriage is no walk in the park (even when you’re literally walking in the park). And one aspect of it that can make it tricky is that everyone in long-term relationships has at least one secret. Some as dark and deep as these 15 are probably going to shock spouses if and when they come to light.
#15. When he’s away…
“he’s celiac and whenever he’s away for the night, I’ll eat an entire loaf of bread like those kids in Aladdin.”
#14. Didn’t want to ruin the holidays
“That i have stage three esophageal cancer. Found out last week and didn’t want to ruin the holidays.”
#13. I’ve never been more resentful
“That having children has made me hate him. He loves his kids, provides for them financially, but I do everything else, and he only helps if I ask or direct him to. It’s exhausting and I’ve never been more resentful/ragey at someone else so much in my entire life.”
#12. Bed all to yourself
“I miss being single. Less responsibilities, less effort that you have to put into your home life, and you get the bed all to yourself.”
#11. I was pressured
“I regretted getting married. I never wanted it and I feel like she pressured me into it.”
“Not married, but when we sleep – I intentionally roll into him or bump him when his snoring gets out of control.
He thinks I’m just a wild sleeper – little does he know!”
#9. He’s still alive
“A few different times my toddler has nearly hurt himself (potentially badly) under my supervision. He’s fallen off the bed as a baby, grabbed a sharp knife in the kitchen. There’s definitely other instances I’ve blocked from memory. I haven’t told my husband, because I don’t want to deal with his over the top chastisement.
Yes I felt horrible, yes I learnt from my mistakes. Yes the toddler is still alive. No you don’t need to call child services!”
#8. May the force be with you
“I lie about how much money we have on the credit card so he doesn’t try and spend it all on lightsabers.”
#7. A bad period of my life
“How many women I’ve slept with. I told her (what I thought was) a low number, and she was shocked. The actual number is much higher, and I’m not sure what it is exactly. There was a bad period of my life where I was a complete asshole and putting my dick in everything, and I’d just rather keep that to myself.”
“I once secretly replaced her coffee with instant Folger’s Crystals.”
#5. He doesn’t see it
“How much I hate his family for how they treat him. He doesn’t see the put downs and negativity and is very close to them.”
#4. The horror…
“In the basement, in the closet, near the back, the lightbulb went out and I didn’t change it yet.”
#3. The kid is a rat
“He travels a lot for work, and every single time he’s gone for a week or more, I buy/prepare/gorge myself on the foods he loathes- seafood, Brussels sprouts, gluten filled goodnesses of every kind. It’s easier in the warmer months when I can air out the house better, and it was a lot easier when the kid was little enough not to rat me out.”
#2. A pretty dark few weeks
“She knows now, but I found a lump in my nut and planned my own suicide, and kept it quiet for a couple of years.
So I found a lump, and then immediately couldn’t find it again, so I decided it wasn’t worth taking to the doctor. What was I supposed to say “I can’t find a lump in my nut”? I also didn’t tell her because she would have been worried to no productive end.
Fast forward 2 years, and I found it again, in exactly the same spot, and realized I needed to be in a strange position to be able to find it. This time it felt bigger, and I did more internet research, and decided I was fairly sure I had testicular cancer. Testicular cancer is extremely curable, if you catch it early, but I hadn’t caught it early, since I originally found it 2 years ago, and just got lazy about going to the doctor. I decided to fairly intricatly plan a suicide, should I need to go that way towards the end. Had a spot picked out, and a method, etc. Was actually going to use an automated script to tell reddit, and get them to call the police in the middle of the night 60 minutes after triggering it on my phone, so that my corpse wouldn’t traumatize some poor passers by.
Took several weeks to find and register with a doctor. When I went, he fondled my bag for me and was like “Nah, that’s just a normal lump, you don’t have nut cancer. I mean I can refer you on if you like, but it’s fine”.
So that was a pretty dark few weeks that I definitely didn’t let her in on.”
“I order so much stuff from Amazon that I have to beat my husband home from work to try to hide the boxes.”