When are people ever gonna learn? Don’t put foreign objects in the orifices of your body! Ever!
- First off, it’s not sanitary. Ewwwww!
- Second, no amount of pleasure is worth going through this much pain. Ever.
- Third… you might end up on a list like this. And sure, it’s anonymous… but when you come across it and read YOUR story… you’ll know.
Here are genital horror stories from the Buzzfeed community and they are absolutely harrowing!
Nothing can prepare you for this, so here we go!
1. That’s your revenge?
“A lady came in with a knife still in her vagina. She claimed that an intruder assaulted her, but the area was not bleeding; it was as if the knife was slid into her.
She later revealed that she did it herself to ‘get revenge’ on her boyfriend…”
2. OH MY GOD
“My step-grandma was a gynecologist.
She once had an older woman come in, and at one point they took X-rays.
Apparently the woman had a potato growing in her uterus. INSIDE OF HER UTERUS!”
3. I fell on it…
“My adoptive mom who was a nurse once had a patient who came in with a flashlight stuck up his butt.
He claimed that he accidentally fell on it, but he had a history of ‘falling’ on objects that way.”
“A coworker of mine had a patient who decided to stick a crochet needle up his penis while drunk.
The urologist on call had to surgically remove the object.”
5. Not a joke
“A guy tried to make a butt plug out of Lego and duct tape, and got it stuck in his ass.
I wish I was kidding.”
6. Not very bright (Hey o!)
“My mom always remembers the guy who put a lightbulb up his ass.
I asked her how they got it out, and her response was, ‘With great difficulty.'”
7. We need that back
“One night a man came in with the biggest black dildo I have ever seen shoved in his butt. We actually had to follow him around while holding a bucket under his ass.
When it was finally removed, his partner asked us to clean it off and said, ‘We’re going to need that back,’ and then she winked at me.”
8. This is insane
“A man came into the ER, blue in the face, looking like he was about to die. They checked all over his body but couldn’t figure out what was wrong. They flipped him over and saw a TAIL coming out of his butt. After doing a CT scan, they found a rat inside his rectum. The rat bit off part of his colon, and the man was suffering from internal bleeding, which is why his face turned blue.
Apparently the man decided to place a condom over the live rat to suffocate it and then place it up his butt so its breathing would hit his prostate and he would feel pleasure. The man made a full recovery, but the poor rat died.”
9. Time for surgery
“I work at the gastrointestinal lab at a local hospital. We were doing a colonoscopy on a guy who had a carrot stuck up his butt…that his wife put there. We weren’t able to remove it, so he had to go into surgery. The colon is curved, people. Don’t shove straight, long things up there that aren’t flexible.”
10. Trailing behind him
“I once had a guy come in with a shower head up his butt. He had the whole hose trailing behind him like a tail as well.”
“My friend is a nurse in the ER. One time a guy came in and complained that something was stuck in his urethra.
He said it hurt too bad to take out, and he ultimately started bleeding from there.
Turns out it was a little ballerina figurine from a music wind-up jewelry box. Wow.”
12. What is wrong with everyone?
“The craziest thing was when a man came in with a Barbie doll’s arm stuck in his urethra (pee hole).
Apparently, he ordered a sex doll off eBay, and when it arrived it was actually a Barbie doll.
He was so angry that he ripped off the doll’s arm and shoved it up his penis.”
13. At least it was a toy
“I once had a patient come in with stomach pains. I took an X-ray of his abdomen and asked what happened.
He told me he didn’t know. I hung his X-ray on the light box and saw that there was a toy lizard in his rectum.”
14. That sounds awful
“A prisoner came in with penis issues. Turned out he shoved a piece of floss really far up his urethra, just so he could get out of his cell.”
15. Did you learn a lesson?
“I’m a nurse in an ER. One day a woman came waddling in with a set of tongs stuck between her legs.
She used them to masturbate and inserted the tongs into her vagina. The clip that holds the tongs shut opened, and the tongs became hopelessly lodged into her vagina.
She had to be taken to the operating room to have them surgically removed and nearly perforated her uterus.”
Okay, I need a shower… stat!