Kids say and do the darndest things – in fact, waiting to hear what’s going to come out of their mouths next is one of the best things about parenting. But sometimes those darndest things must be punished, no matter how funny and/or awesome they are.
Doling out punishments is one of the hardest things about parenting. That, and not busting out laughing and ruining your teachable moment.
These 15 parents must have had a hard time of it, because their kids pulled some great – if punishable – stunts.
#15. I had to agree.
“My 4 year old used to play with the 6 year olds next door. These little girls were little shit heads. They were playing keep away from her, because she was small, they would ride their bikes far away from her and then come back and scold her for “ditching them”. Right as I’m getting up from the porch to say something to their parents, my 4 year old just loudly says, in the middle of the street, “You’re bitches” and goes inside.
We had cookies and talked about not using curse words, but I have to agree, they’re bitches.”
#14. A businesswoman in the making.
“My niece got grounded for getting in trouble in school. She was disallowed from having any digital devices in her room. Parents stripped the room.
Apparently, however, she managed to convince her friend to rent her friend’s tablet for the week. She did so by trading her deserts. Nobody would have noticed, except she giggled just a little too loudly when my brother-in-law was passing by. When he opened the door, she was sitting in bed, but completely flustered. Apparently she said everything was all right, but, when she got up for a hug her smartly insisted on, the tablet fell on the floor.
Secret props from my sister and BIL for creativity. More days grounded for my niece.”
#13. It was worth it.
“I was the kid.
My younger brother has high-functioning autism, and he doesn’t really like to leave home for any reason. We went to the beach and he was upset the whole time; the only thing he was interested in was the seagull that occasionally flew or walked by. My parents wanted to snorkel but he wouldn’t get in the water, so I said I’d stay on the beach and watch him for a while. I was told not to let him feed the seagulls.
As soon as my parents were far enough out into the ocean, I cracked open the cooler and ripped open a bag of chips, throwing them all over the sand around us. Within a minute there were hundreds of seagulls flocking us, like we were in a snow globe. My brother was having the time of his life.
Of course I got into trouble, but it was worth it. It’s been 5+ years but he still brings it up and talks about how it was his favorite beach trip.
EDIT: thanks so much for the gold!! I’m so glad I got to share this fun memory with all of you!”
#12. Oh, my heart.
“Not my kid, but someone I knows.
My mum and I were visiting an old family friend. Her next door neighbour was a rather annoying old lady, who thought her grandchildren were the most amazing children in the world, she’s would fuss and simpler all over them whenever they were round. The walls were pretty thing, so you’d hear her loudly cooing at her grandkids when they were round. As mum and I were leaving our friends, next door neighbour lady was saying goodbye to her son (who was trying to leave but granny kept coming up with something else to say to him) and one of her grandkids, a little girl of around 5. Grandchild was wandering down the path, so next door lady called out in the really annoying high pitched voice she always used for her grandkids “Daaaaaaarling, come back! Don’t go near the roooooooad daaaaaarling!”
The little girl turns round and is looking at her hand, like she was trying to figure something out. She then very clearly gave her grandma the finger.
The lady was mortified, especially as we’d seen it too, screeching “Who taught my little Daaaaaaarling that!? Oh my heart! That was awful daaaaaaarling”. Mum and I are trying to leave asap so we could laugh, and ladies son is clearly trying to keep a straight face whilst trying to tell the little girl off, but you could tell his heart wasn’t in it. Little girl isn’t saying where she learnt it.
Next door neighbour lady didn’t seem quite so proud of her grandkids after that.”
#11. It was hilarious.
“My then 1 year old daughter grabbed a can of Dr Pepper that my wife had just placed down while she went to the bathroom. My daughter shakes the ever living shit out of that can and put it down almost immediately once Mama came back into the room. Wife opened that hand grenade and got soda everywhere as it spouted all over the couch. It was hilarious, but we have to make sure that she respects other people’s food and drinks.”
#10. Suspended from kindergarten.
“My son is the only kid I know who got out of school suspension in kindergarten.
They had come back inside from recess and my son told the teacher he wanted to go back outside. Teacher obviously says no he can’t go back outside, so he pulled the fire alarm because he remembered when you pull the fire alarm everyone has to go back outside…… suspended for 3 days.”
#9. Put the blame where it belongs.
“My favourite story from my ex’s younger brother. He was playing with rocks outside on their patio and throwing them up in the air. One of them hit the glass table and it shattered. When his parents came out to see what happened, his response was a very cocky, “Well this wouldn’t have happened if someone was watching me.” They didn’t know how to respond.”
#8. Playground rules.
“My son is now 14 but when he was 8 he got in trouble for hitting another kid. The teacher was further infuriated when she asked my son why he hit the other kid and my son responded with “Coz my mum said if someone hits me I should hit him back”.
I worked at the school’s After School Hours program so the teacher brought my son to me and told me she was outraged my son would lie to her by saying that. I told her my son wasn’t lying, I had told him to hit back as I didn’t want him being bullied. This pissed the teacher off more. She then explained that the boy my son hit had been bullying a little girl so my son had stepped in to stop him and that’s when the other kid hit my son so then my son hit back.
I said it sounded like my son had done the right thing in helping the little girl from the bully and if the school wants to punish him that’s fine but in my books he’d done the right thing.
Schools are sometimes stupid in their playground rules.”
#7. The funniest thing I ever saw.
“Backstory: i had been trying to teach my kids how to protect one another and always be there. All my children were in a strict Christian school and one day I went to pick them. As I pull up, there are no kids playing in the snow and I’m met at the door by teachers who are so angry they won’t talk to me. I’m like wtf is going on.
Come to find out half the school(30kids) we in corners or writing sentences. Wtf again.
The younger teachers bring my oldest girls who are in 3 and 4th grade out to me smiling and pull me to the aide to tell me.
A boy with a crush on my oldest daughter was teasing her and took her winter coat.
My second oldest daughter and her friends saw this and literally jumped the boy, threw him down the snow hill and the whole fucking school of little “Christian kids” rolled into the one and only school fight while my two girls walked off with their coats and stood to the side.
Later that night while I wanted to strangle them and congratulate them, the principal calls me says oh god it was the funniest thing I ever saw!!
Mean while more than half the parents at the church were angry about it for months.”
#6. Don’t tell your mother!
“I was the kid.
In my first year of high school, I made a new friend in class. One day he brings 6 little tins (model paint tins) covered in tape and there was a little wick on top of it.
“Here have these, my dad makes them”
I took them home, in the middle of the night I snuck down to a park and lit one. A single tiny tin shot sparks and glowing embers 30 feet into the air. It was incredible. I loved it!! I ran home and hid the other 5 in my wardrobe.
A few weeks later mum calls me into my room as soon as I got home from school. She’s found the fireworks and shes pissed. She asks what they are and I tell her. I’m grounded for 2 weeks.
A couple of days later my dad walks into my room and hands me $20.
“Tell your friend I want 6 more. Don’t tell your mother”
#5. No matter how hard dad is laughing.
“My youngest was at a petting zoo, and all the animals were behaving as expected, except the chickens. After several attempts to run up on them, my wife caught him ducked down, creeping like stealth mode in Skyrim. As he snuck by she heard him mutter “come here, you little bastard chickens.” I laughed way too hard to actually do anything about his swearing. My wife however, gave him the bit about using appropriate language, no matter how funny dad thinks it is.”
“My stepdaughter was opening up some Christmas presents a couple years ago, so she would have just turned 6. She was opening up some Shopkins and sometimes they stick the little Shopkins inside the “cookbooks”. Well these cookbooks were empty and she said “Those sneaky bastards cheated me!” My husband and I had to really hold in the laughter.”
#3. No punishment needed.
“So this was my husband when he was younger. He is asian and was adopted into a family in a very white town. He was in the bathroom at middle school one day and a kid starts harassing him saying racist shit like “Show me some karate”. So my husband kicked him in the dick. He had to leave school for the day so he got in trouble there but his parents definitely did not punish him.”
#2. I’m shocked they caught him.
“Son did something to the school IT network that allowed him to bypass a security system and do something that was banned (I deliberately tuned out during the details of how, but the thing he wanted to do was definitely something he’d be allowed to do at home). He fixed it when he was done, logged out and rebooted, but got caught anyway as someone saw him access whatever site it was.
Even the IT department and Head of Year said they were hugely impressed by his ability and ingenuity. But he had to be punished, and the punishment was to remove all tech from his school day for one full day. Way more successful a punishment than exclusion or detention would have been.”
#1. He even conned the teacher.
“Sister here, but I’m basically his moral and emotional guardian anyway so… he taught all the kids in his class how to swear in Italian. We speak it but none of his classmates do. He even told people his nickname was “cazzo merdi” and giggled when teachers called him that.”
It’s almost enough to make you want to have more kids. Almost.