We all try our best to have our professional faces and our private faces. We have certain people who might get to see both, but for the most part, separate is better. There are things the people we work with, or strangers at the grocery store, or people we’ve just started dating, just don’t need to know, right?
Sometimes, though, our brains misfire. Things come out when they’re not supposed to, sometimes before we even realize what’s happened.
Which is exactly what happened to these 15 people in these mortifying moments.
15. That’s a big oops.
I was having dinner with my parents and younger sister when I let it slip that Santa wasn’t real.
I honestly have no idea what I said or implied, but I will always remember the stares that could melt a thousand candles coming from my parents’ eyes when I looked up from my green beans.
And then my sister ran from the room, crying.
14. No harm no foul?
Accidentally told someone in a job interview I’d spent a week in a psychiatric ward.
Still got the job!
13. A tough pill to swallow.
Once when I was having “the talk” with a soon to be ex, I dropped a f**king bomb that immediately made me cringe: “I liked you before I got to know you.”
A friend heard this story and says “aww, that’s cute. You liked her even before you knew her that well.”
Nope, it was that I stopped liking her after getting to know her. The soon to be ex fully understood the statement upon delivery.
12. Why did the KID know?
Accidentally told my mom that my dad planned on divorcing her. I thought it was just understood.
That was a rough day after that.
11. Wrong number.
I accidentally texted her the specs to her engagement ring while I was trying to send the specs to a family member who was asking after them.
10. Funerals are so hard.
I was attending my aunt’s funeral and when I was leaving, her son told me to take good care of my parents.
Out of habit I said “you too”. I felt horrible afterwards and still cringe at the memory to this day.
9. If you tilt your head, it’s funny.
So, one of the worst things you can do in basic training is call a female instructor “sir,” for obvious reasons. There were plenty who did this and were subsequently reamed.
Well, I took it a step further, and called my male instructor “ma’am.”
“…Did you seriously just call me ma’am?” Fortunately for me, I think he got more confused than anything and we had shit to do so there wasn’t time to make my day hell.
8. Maybe they thought it was a joke?
As part of my job I go to different offices in my company and speak about various work-related topics. I am also a member of AA.
At a work meeting, where I knew perhaps 5 of the 100 attendees, I stood up and introduced myself saying”Hi everybody, I’m (name) and I’m an alcoholic”.
7. You can’t tell kids anything.
My grandparents separated before I was born(I’m 23 now) and when I was 6 or 7 my Grandfather was getting married and I was to be the flower girl. Well, no one told my Grandma wasn’t supposed to know.
So one day my family was at her house along with my Aunt and Uncle. And I mentioned how I couldn’t wait to wear a pretty dress for the wedding. My Grandma asked who was getting married. “GRAMPY IS!!” I exclaimed. And that’s how she found out. Oops.
Happened first week of college freshman year, in the dorms. Was chatting up this super cute girl with a couple of my new found friends. I mention I had always wanted to play drums, and the girl said she could let me borrow her brother’s.
Wow! Okay cool. Conversation keeps going, and something else, like some mics, and again her brother had one I could borrow/have.
And then a THIRD thing comes up that was her brothers that I could have – so me, being me, said “Geez, you’re giving all your brother’s stuff away – what did he die???! HaHahah!!”
Yep. He did.
5. I’m shocked it didn’t work out.
Not me but when I was a kid my aunt let it slip that my parents didn’t get married until well after I was born because they were forced into it by my grandparents.
I was always told they married 18 mos before me. They continued to lie for years after that until they divorced and I saw their actual wedding date on the paperwork.
4. Not such a funny story.
My large uncle once wiped a turd on my bathroom wall. I think he just stood up and turned and accidentally got it on the wall (small bathroom) but who knows.
Anywho, his kids came over a week or two later after having been estranged from us for years. Trying to lighten the awkward mood, I told the story about my uncle wiping poop on the wall, how crazy, so gross who does that?, completely forgetting the relationship between my UNCLE AND COUSINS. my cousin just goes …my dad? wiped poop on the wall?
couldn’t recover so I just left the room for a while.
3. Those jokes are a minefield.
When I was in high school it was common for “your mom” to be a response to pretty much any question.
One day at school my buddy asked what I was doing that night and I responded “your mom”, forgetting that his mom had just died of cancer. I still feel bad 15 years later.
2. I guess he was convinced.
I was at my uncle’s funeral and my cousin was having a hard time accepting his dad is really gone.
He was asking if it was an early April’s Fool prank the day before, and that day, he grabbed me, pointed at the corpse, and went, “It doesn’t even look like him! He looks different! Maybe it’s not even him! Don’t you think he looks different?”
I’m awkward enough already in most normal situations, and my mind just went blank at this point. The first reply I blurted out was, “That’s probably because he’s decomposing. That’s why he’s kinda bloated right now.”
1. It stayed with him.
Way back when, I was dating this girl. I was over at her place waiting for her so we could go out on a date.
While I was waiting there her roommate came out of the shower completely naked and walked into her room.
Later that evening for some unknown reason I said “It is so nice to see that your roommate shaves down there”.
These are supremely awkward and I am so glad they didn’t happen to me.
If you’ve got a story that would fit on this list, please share it with us in the comments!