Dads are just the best, aren’t they? They’re hilarious, corny, and they tell bad jokes better than anyone else on the planet.
That’s not to say that moms aren’t also funny and awesome, but it’s time we show the dads a little love.
AskReddit users went on the record to divulge the most ‘dad thing’ their fathers have ever done. Oh, dad!
1. Quite a hat
“One time, my dad traveled 3500km to get a free hat.
Many years ago, my dad bought a very dad hat. This dad hat happened to have a lifelong guarantee, in which should the hat fail, you can bring it to any flagship store and get a free new one. After many years of good use, my dad’s hat ripped and upon finding out that the only flagship store in Canada is en route to where his grandfather lived (RIP), my dad kept it for several months and arranged our travel plans to visit my great-grandfather so that we would go by the flagship store. Despite delaying our trip, my dad got a free hat.”
2. Fake out
Small family gathering of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Dinner has just finished and us children are still at the table when granddad pipes up, “Who wants chocolate pie?”
A whole chorus of “Me’s!” go up.
Granddad: “Me too, I wish we had some!”
He wasn’t kidding. There was no pie.”
3. The man likes what he likes
“He has his white sneakers for mowing the grass, his white sneakers for shoveling, and his “dress” white sneakers for fancy events.
Any attempt to get him to wear an outfit that doesn’t involve cargo shorts is met with lots of complaining and arguing and bargaining to get him to put on something that isn’t cargo shorts for the love of god we’re going to a nice restaurant please wear actual f—ing pants.”
4. One for lending
“He has two lawnmowers, one for Lending, one for Using. If someone asks to borrow the lawnmower, he gives them the Lending lawnmower so nothing befalls our “good” lawnmower. It’s like your grandparent’s “nice” couch that only guests can use, but in reverse. And with lawnmowers.
“Puts a magnet in an empty soda cup and sticks it to the top of his car. Then he drives around and laughs at everyone who tries to warn him. I think he saw it on Kimmel.”
6. He works fast
“Maybe this is a “dad thing” as my dad has gotten older… He sent me to the grocery store with his own credit card to buy groceries for the family. By the time I got there and checked out everything, the card didn’t work. Turns out that my dad quickly forgot that he gave me his credit card, then discovered it was “missing” and promptly had it canceled. Still love him though.”
“While driving us all home after dropping mom off at the airport, we stopped at the grocery store and he told us to each pick out a week’s worth of frozen dinners.”
8. I still smell it
“He was on a business call in his office, door closed. Sisters and I are chilling on the couches in living room. Dad comes out of the office, still on the call, and heads over to me. I think he’s going to ask me for a cup of water. I was mistaken. Dad turns his back to me and lets out an earth shattering fart right into my face. Walks back into his office like nothing ever happened. I still smell it.”
9. Buying in triplicate
“He loves the sneakers and jeans combo, and every time he finds a good pair of sneakers on sale he will buy three pairs. So when he wears out the first pair, the second comes out of the cupboard, etc.
He’s currently about to wear out the third pair in his last purchase and told me he regrets not buying four pairs.”
10. The great hot sauce disaster
“Dad got home from work late. Entered the house without turning any lights on, so the only light in the open-space downstairs came from the dimmed lights in the living room. I should mention that my dad’s eyesight by this time wasn’t the best without glasses.
He went straight for the fridge and found a home cooked plate of enchiladas waiting for him. A true score for a tired man.
He grabbed the plate, a fork, and a bottle of hot sauce and proceeded to shake the bottle vigorously during the 20 foot walk from the fridge to the couch. He put his plate down and turned on the lights, only to find a Jackson Pollack of hot sauce ALL OVER THE F*CKING DOWNSTAIRS. Hot sauce on the ceiling, floor, couch, walls, TV, picture frames, coffee table, his clothes, and more.
“Ohhhhh f*ck me! You mother f*cking piece of sh*t!”
Dad starts cursing up a storm, which wakes up my mom.
She comes downstairs to find what looks like 32 gallons of hot sauce splattered around the house.
“It’s EVERYWHERE.” Mom said “everywhere” just like Gary Oldman said “EVERYONE” in The Professional.
Apparently my dad, being in a tired state, thought nothing of the fact that the hot sauce didn’t have a cap when he went to remove it. He just walked across the living area while shaking a full bottle of hot sauce.
We found hot sauce around the house months later. On the remote control, behind the couch, on the TV, on outlets. It was truly the Great Hot Saucing of the Century.”
11. Actually went through with it
“He actually one time did turn around and go home.”
12. Dammit, dad!
“We’re driving past a cemetery and he goes “quick! hold your breath or you’ll offend the ghosts that live there” as kids, we all play along. He proceeds to slow down to 5 mph and tells us to keep holding our breath.”
13. Now where did I put those?
“He put a couple of bills he received in the mail tucked into the backside of the waist of his jeans. Forgot he put them there. Spent an afternoon rearranging the garage looking for where he put them.”
14. I want to see this video
“My brother sent me a 10 minute long video where he was following my dad around Lowe’s. He didn’t say one word to my brother the entire time, and stopped only to pick up a power tool or to slowly run his hand over some drywall before shaking his head and moving on to another stack.
As they left (after buying like 20 2 x 4s for god knows what project) my dad just grabs two cokes out of the checkout fridge and handed it to my brother with nothing but a dad-grunt, not even noticing the camera.”
15. Taught her a lesson
“My dad once ‘burgled’ my sister’s house trying to show her why she should lock her front door. That didn’t go down too well with my sister.
Miss you Dad.”