For some people, it can be hard to make friends at any age.
I’ve always had a solid set of friends, but I will admit that the older I get, the harder it is to meet people and make new pals…and a worldwide pandemic doesn’t necessarily help matters, either.
So how can a person make friends if they’re lonely and they don’t necessarily like people in general?
Let’s see what AskReddit users had to say.
1. You can learn from this.
“I was very awkward in school, but turned things around a lot when I got to uni and now have plenty of friends.
For me the breakthrough was just learning not to be so self conscious and not carefully choosing all my words, you realise that people aren’t as judgemental as you think.
If you focus on asking questions about others rather than worrying about what you say about yourself you’ll find it much easier.”
2. Real homies.
“Just find a game you like playing online and put the mic on.
Video game homies are the real homies.”
3. It just happened.
“A gaggle of idiots decided to absorb me into their group and I haven’t been able to escape.”
4. Very true.
“Find stuff you like to do and google groups of other people in your city doing that that stuff.
Proper friendships based on common interests are so much more fulfilling than friendships that just exist to be friendships.
Also it will take time to make friends – you’ll have something to do that you enjoy whilst making friends.”
5. It could work.
“A great tip I heard somewhere was when you meet new people, if you like them and would like to be friends with them, start acting like you are friends already and it eased meeting new people for me.”
6. There you go!
“Find other people who don’t like people and you can not like people together.
My best friend and I regularly discuss our dislike of people in general. We met in residency (physicians) and bonded over our mutual dislike of several coworkers.”
7. This might happen.
“The extroverts choose you.
Happened to me numerous times, especially when I was drawing in middle/high school.
People would just come up to me and compliment my drawing, and they’d stick around and talk.
I was a bit peeved, at first, but eventually other people who had similar interests as me came around, and then we’d talk and become friends.”
8. This is good.
Believe me, it works.
Go to church. This is not my thing, but if it’s your thing, you will make tons of friends, or mere acquaintances if you prefer.
Get a routine. Go to your favourite coffee shop/pub/library/whatever at the same time every day, or almost every day. In time you’ll discover that you have met several new people.
Finally, just by reading these responses you’ve learned there are many many people who feel the same way you do.”
9. It takes time.
“Stop grouping individuals as “people” Every one is a bit different.
Start friendships by talking about common interests, maybe if your humor is compatible you’ll find it refreshing to spend time with them or talking.
If it doesn’t work out move on, that doesn’t mean you can’t make friends it means you haven’t found the right ones.
It takes time and shared experiences as. well as vulnerability to be able to build a deep and meaningful relationship with trust.”
10. Open up.
“If it’s an option, get a job in retail.
I was a self enclosed super hermit before that. I still am, but now I can fake it when I need to. I still am.
I hate the vast majority of humanity probably even more than I used to, but I learned how to interact with them.”
11. Make it more tolerable.
“First, never tell anyone you don’t like people.
It’s an instant attack on humans, and an instant reason not to invite you anywhere with other people so you’ll never get any opportunities to make friends.
Here’s my advice (or tip on how to deal with being completely alone). Lie/fake everything, so you seem normal (normal people have friends). You won’t make friends this way as it’s impossible to always be acting, but in my experience it does help ease the horrible symptoms of loneliness by having short one time interactions with people at bars etc.
Not exactly an answer to the question, but there is no positive answer to this question as far as I’m aware, just ways to make loneliness more tolerable until it can just be over.”
12. As simple as that.
“Don’t like people?
Stop being arrogant and thinking you’re better than everyone.
It’s really as easy as that. If you can say with a straight face that you “don’t like people” then you don’t deserve to have any friends.”
13. The way it works.
“Accept the fact that people can hurt you but they can also be awesome and amazing. It all comes to if you like being alone and “safe” more than taking a chance and trusting someone.
You know that saying that goes “its not about how hard you fall but that you get back up” or something like that? Well, it applies here.
You have to decide what is more valuable, feeling safe by yourself, or putting yourself out there and see what happens. You know what one will definitely lead to, the other is unknown.”
14. Groups and meetings.
“I’ll take a practical stab at this and try to give an answer.
First off, being lonesome sucks and there are a lot of shitty people out there. The whole trick is to find a common thread or activity to engage in and insert yourself in that area on a local level.
Pick a thing you like to do and find an open group that has open meetings and go to a few. Folk will take notice of you and some will introduce themselves. Being there already gives you a common subject of discussion you enjoy.
If this is a bit more extreme where you have something akin to social anxiety or similar, discuss and, I’m really not joking here, roleplay and rehearse introducing yourself to folks with a couple of people you trust to help your brain jump past the panic to a new ingrained response.
Talk to your mental health person if you have one and could use some coaching.
There is likely a reddit group for your local area if you have problems finding any open groups in your region.”
15. That’s all it took.
“I was the same before college.
Some people just saw me and became friends with me and I became way more confident.”
Can you offer any advice in this department? We all need friends, right?
If so, please talk to us in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!