8. Mommy issues
Whenever I jokingly wanted to get out of a conversation at work, for instance when it seemed like someone was trying to hand me work, I’d say “Oh sorry, I gotta run, my mom’s calling me.”
A few months back I went to say it, and the person I was talking with said, “Wait, don’t you have kids? Couldn’t you say they’re calling you?” I had never thought to re-frame it that way, and thanked her for the contribution.
Two hours later the school called because my youngest had vomited, so I really did have to go, as my kid needed me.
9. Cat probs
I had fostered a momma cat and 4 kittens.
I had one kitten I really wanted to keep if it didn’t get adopted. A lady came over with her daughter and her daughter fell in LOVE with him. Just smitten.
I knew I had to let her have that kitten. She’s a little girl, I’m almost 30… but man was that a “Shit, I’m an adult, I have to act like one” moment. I knew he was the best cat out of the bunch and he needed a loving family, and a little girl to love him.
I cried as soon as they left.
She still has the cat years later and the mom contacted me to say it’s the best cat they have ever had.
10. That first week!
Boss: Here’s a room.
Me: Okay
Boss: Here’s 30 kids in the room with you.
Me: Okay
Boss: You have to make sure they don’t kill each other for 60 minutes or you’ll be sued.
Me: WAIT
(I’m a teacher. First week was terrifying.)
11. Oh yeah….
My wife got really fat.
Then one day a tiny person fell out.
Apparently I have to pay for it.
12. Fuck it! We’ll do it live!
Worked at a local 24 hour news station as a director/producer. I got really lucky in the fact that I got hired right when I was finishing up college. Started as a part time PA, moved my way up in about a year.
Anyway, this is a local practice, I couldn’t tell you the channels we were on even when I worked there. And that meant more or less that for the 9 hours a day I was there (4am-1pm), I was essentially in charge of the basic flow of the day. and for some reason, our busiest time of the day, or to put it more accurately, the time of day when most bad things happen, was 10am to about 3pm. No idea why, but that’s when people liked to do most bad things it seemed.
When I first started as a director, I didn’t know what an authority of a news station was, I was used to mock film sets and classrooms.
What the fuck do you mean, “are we going live?” shouldn’t the producer figure that out? oh that’s right it’s a Wednesday morning, so no one is here. Am I really deciding if we’re going to interrupt our syndicated schedule? Is this actually breaking news? WTF. Why am I in charge? Uh.. I guess we can go live… Is it important? is Alyson here? I need her on the desk. Pull up the prompter for her. Load the stinger.. Alright breaking in at 1000… 30 seconds…
It was a real game changer for how I saw myself, I wasn’t some punk teen going on random interview jobs with my instructor, I was leading a news team 9 hours a day… And I wasn’t bad.
13. All growns up!
Was washing my hands in a public restroom when a talkative little girl came up to the sink to do the same.
She was asking a lot of questions, and I was happy to answer them since I remembered being a really talkative kid too. At the end of the short conversation, she told me she was 8 and asked how old I was.
Up until that point, she had been talking to me like an equal, but when I said I was 22, her eyes got huge and she just mumbled “oh, you’re a grown up”
14. What a narc!
Around the age of 25 I was out back of my place late on a Sunday night having a beer and a cig when two young kids on bikes came down the street.
Knew something was up as they couldn’t have been older than 14-15 y/o and it was well after midnight, plus there were reports of kids breaking into neighborhood cars. As it turns out they were ding dong ditching one of my elderly neighbors.
Decided that I should apprehend them as they were running back to their bikes after ringing the door bell. Ended up threatening to call their parents, or the police, if they didn’t go back up to the house and apologize.
Told a friend about it and he called me out on doing the same shit when I was their age, ever sense I have felt old.
15. The good sibling
May 3, 1999, at around 3pm.
I had just finished university and moved back home that weekend. My littler brother (15 at the time, I was 21) had just left for school. I was in bed, as one in this position would normally be at 7:20am. That’s when I hear my mom yell at me, “GnuHouse, Dad’s having a heart attack!”
Well, I went from asleep to fully dressed in a matter of seconds, ran to the bottom of the stairs to get Asprin. Shit, no Asprin! Ran down the street to get Asprin from a neighbor. Got the Asprin, gave it to my dad, waited for the paramedics.
Dad gets carted off to the hospital. My mom and I are in tow, staying with him while doctors are tending to him. My mom is pretty shaken up, so I’m doing a lot of the talking to doctors, then talking to her.
That’s when it dawns on me. My little brother is coming home from school. He’s going to come home to an empty house that is in a little disarray from the paramedics and all. So, I hike it back to the house, leave my mom at the hospital with my dad.
My brother came through the door some time between 3 and 3:30pm, and that was my “Shit, I’m an adult” moment. I had to tell my little brother that his dad had a heart attack while keeping my shit together.
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