Hitting the right mark when it comes to romance can be a risky game.
Something that you might think is incredibly romantic or sexy might cause another person to recoil in horror. Hey, it happens to the best of us, right?
People on AskReddit shared the romantic gestures that they’ve received that they really weren’t feeling…at all.
1. That’s not what you’re supposed to do.
“He used to think that whispering sweet nothings into my ear meant literally whispering the phrase, “sweet nothings.”
Took me about a year before I couldn’t keep a straight face anymore.”
2. That’s pretty gross.
“Had an ex who thought that it would be hot to surprise me by getting Hershey’s syrup, whipped cream, and a banana to make a sundae IN HERSELF.
Do you want yeast infections?…because that’s how you get yeast infections.
She got a yeast infection.”
3. Thanks a lot?
“During an encounter of a sexual nature with a girl I was seeing at the time she whispers “you’ve got the 3rd biggest penis of a man I have ever been with”.
4. Still enjoyed it.
“My girlfriend when I was 16 tried to give me a lap dance while I was editing her English paper. She threw her head back and broke my nose.
At 16 that was still kinda hot.”
5. That’s creepy.
“After a long week of exams, I came home to take a nap before we went out for the weekend.
My ex lied to my roommates to get a key to the place and proceeded to watch me sleep for 4 hours to make sure I wasn’t “disturbed.””
6. You’re going to love my mother.
“For Valentine’s Day one year my ex-husband got me a full body massage…with his massage therapist mother.
One hour of straight cringing.”
7. Ugh! No way!
“Bought me one praying mantis egg because she thought it would contain one praying mantis.
It hatched in my room and there were like 500 babies eating each other and crawling everywhere, since they were small enough to fit through the vents in the bug cage.”
8. Totally hammered.
“My now-husband, after a night of drinking in college, decided he would sneak into my dorm room (I had to work the following morning) and kiss me awake and we’d have some sexytime.
He completely overestimated the level of suaveness he could pull off while plastered. He makes it through the door without me hearing, but I wake up to a naked dude crawling up my body from the bottom of my twin bed. I screamed and shoved – as one should in such a scenario – and he ended up on the floor, where he very nearly passed out.
About this time, I realized who it was, got his naked butt up off the floor, closed the door after assuring my sleepy neighbor that he was fine, and shoved him into my bed. I got into bed, and he attempted to crawl on top of me, mumbling something about how sexy I was in the middle of the night. It took two “Go to SLEEP, [VandyBoy]”s before he finally rolled over and passed out.
He had no idea the next day how he’d ended up in my bed.”
9. It took you two years?
“Went over every inch of my face like a blind man reading Braille. Something about being able to better remember me later….
And instead of kissing me on the cheek or forehead, he would kiss under my chin, like, directly beneath my tongue…because “it was a space no one else had ever kissed” or something.
Took me 2 years to realize how damn crazy he was.”
10. Just like Swayze in Road House.
“When we were 16 my boyfriend tried to give me a lap dance and tried to swing his leg over my head.
He’s not the most flexible person so he ended roundhouse kicking me in the face and making me cry.”
11. Very, very sensual.
“My ex girlfriend got turned on by the romance languages and heavy accents. Luckily for her, I took 4 years of Latin in middle and high school. Unfortunately it’s not really a speakable language, however I memorized a few things for class assignments.
I seductively whispered the pledge of allegiance and the opening paragraph of the Caesar’s Gallic Wars in her ears more times than I can remember.”
12. How truly touching…
“A guy I went out on a total of one date with.
We were at Burger King (yes, I know, how romantic to begin with), when he saw a fly on the window next to our table. In a display of his big strong manly man-ness, he used his bare hand and smashed it against the window. Upon seeing me disgusted, he decided that, to make it better, he would just smear the guts into a heart shape on the window glass.
How truly touching.”
13. That is painful.
“There was this guy that I was making out with, but I was hell-bent on not letting it get serious. He was handsome, but he was way too cringy.
So one night, he texts me to come up to his dorm, and I’m expecting the usual make out session.
When I arrive, he greets me at the door. Candles glittering like a godamn Toni Braxton video. We weren’t even allowed to have candles. He picks me up in bridegroom pose and whisks me over to his twin bed. All the while, his poor roommate is hunched over his computer in the corner with his headphones on, just pretending that this is all not happening.
The guy proceeds to play me a song he wrote on his acoustic guitar and sings to me with tears in his eyes. I just kept glancing at the roommate for some intervention, but nah, he wasn’t having it.
When he finishes, he puffs his chest for courage and confidently declares his love for me. There was a long, cliffhanger of a silence before I said: “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same.” That was about the time he literally ripped off his button-up shirt in some display of brute strength and started banging his head on the wall, sobbing and murmuring about being pathetic. I actually walked over and used my hand as a cushion between his forehead and the wall to get him to stop.
Meanwhile, his roommate never acknowledged what was going on around him. Not even once.”
14. Wow. Bold move.
“Came into my house last night and found a stuffed elephant sitting on the table. While I’m contemplating why the fuck there is a Babies-R-Us elephant on a plate, my now fiancee says from the doorway “I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room” and dropped to one knee with a ring box. I’m still giggling over that one.”
15. A classy guy.
“I was dating my current girlfriend in high school. Senior year, prom season came around.
In order to ask her to prom, I wrote “Prom?” on my ass and mooned her. She cried, clearly expecting something more romantic.
I still feel bad about it to this day, but we laugh about it now.”
Yikes, those are kind of painful.
How about you? Have you ever had something like this happen to you? Or maybe you were the one who got rejected?
Tell us all about it in the comments!
