17 People Share How They Remain Calm When Their Rage Starts to Boil

©Unsplash,Abigail Keenan

If you have anger control problems, you know that a lot of situations can spiral out of control in a hurry.

It can happen at work, at school, out in public, or maybe you’re just home by yourself thinking about your life.

If you have to deal with this, the answer to this question might help you out.

People on AskReddit offered up their advice on this subject.

1. Avoid if their place is clean.

“Clean the shit out of everything. If my house smells like strong bleach you know I’m mad.”

2. Take some time.

“I go outside and walk, paying attention to my breathing, unless it’s dark, then I stare at the stars.

Always overwhelms me.”

3. Remember the family history.

“We have “the family temper”. My grandpa used to lose his shit and go into fits of rage. Dad did the same thing. Throwing shit, cursing, breaking stuff. I fucking hated it. Everybody had to tiptoe around their tempers and it’s ruined a few family events.

When I catch myself starting to see red and go into one of those fits, I just concentrate on how bad my grandpa’s and my dad’s episodes made everyone feel and that helps calm me down. Also, whatever it is that triggers it, walk away from it. You won’t be able to properly address whatever it is if you try to do it while raging.”

4. Keep it quiet.

“Talk quieter.

I work in a call center so if someone comes in hot the easiest way to keep myself calm and diffuse the situation is if I talk slower and quieter. It calms me down and they calm down as well.”

5. Think about the consequences.

“The ABSOLUTE angriest I have been in my life was when my wife, chided me for weeks saying I never share feelings with her, then shut me down sharing trouble I had been having since a recent move with “you never share with me, I’m not going to start listening now”.

I let myself angrily scream “are you serious?” which was so loud and out of character, she jumped.

I could see I scared her, and while I wanted to argue, I don’t want my wife afraid of me. I very literally bit my lip, filled the largest cup in our cupboard with water and made myself drink the whole thing before proceeding.

Think of the consequences of your actions and mood. Buy yourself time to cool down.”

6. Be aware.

“I worked with preschoolers and I find “Zones of Regulation” super helpful, even as an adult.

Basically, it’s having an awareness of your emotional state. You have the green, blue, yellow, and red zones. If you can notice that you’re entering the red zone, you can take steps to recenter yourself before you go into an all out rage.”

7. Some good tips.

“I’m a very calm person, but teach calming techniques to emotionally disturbed kids.

The biggest help I’ve found is finding a technique which grounds you and reminds you where you are in the present. I teach lots of different ones, including:

clench and unclench your toes, focus on the feeling of your feet on the floor while you do it.

breath in and out so deeply you feel like your ribs are being pulled apart and knitted back together.

Grab something near you, could be a pole, table whatever, and clench and unclench around it.

Walk, while counting your steps.

Do something rhythmic, I like bouncing a ball personally but can be anything, from using a stamp to skipping.

All research shows when you reach “red mist” your rationality is gone and you just have to last it out. Your best bet is to recognise when you’re losing control and utilise grounding techniques before you’re past the point of no return.”

8. Start counting.

“I isolate my self and count to a number between 10 and 50.(depending on how full of rage I am).”

9. In shutdown mode.

“This is really tough to do. Like, REALLY tough to do.

I just turn off completely. Like a robot that got shut down. Then I think about what I need to do that day and go do it.”

10. This is pretty good.

“A man is about as big as the things that make him angry.” – Winston Churchill

I think to myself, “Am I [this] small?”

11. Exercise is important.

“I go outside for a run.”

12. Shut it down.

“I completely shut off.

As a kid I was pretty emotionally volatile, and somewhere along the way I subconsciously started muting my emotions. The result was that I was either apathetic or exploding with emotion. Mostly the latterformer, especially as depression developed.

Anywho, later on I started to have panic attacks and learned very quickly that I could just shut down completely instead. Over the years it has softened. I tend to take a deep breath and remind myself that I don’t want to be that way. Sometimes, I still just switch off.

I found that violence (whether smashing things, or punching a punchbag) made me angrier, even if it tired me out; I found that breathing techniques by and large made me feel anxious; and, I found that while walks were fabulous, they weren’t always appropriate.”

13. Silence is golden.

“I breathe deep and force myself to observe, not participate.

Silence seems to confuse people as they don’t have anything to immediately react to.”

14. Shock the system.

“Cold shower or better submerge your head in a  bucket of ice water.

Not sure about the science behind this but the shock to your system (vagus nerve?) down regulates out of control emotions.”

15. Control that animal instinct.

“If you want my two cents here, i am in no way an expert i just tend to read on some psychology books though.

I have realized that every person is different something working for me won’t work for you. In my case i have noticed that it is easier for me to calm my self before reaching the point of ” full raging ” rather finding a way to clam down.

It is really hard to control your rage, it’s an animal instinct. When you are on rage mode, you are typically on beast/primitive mode in which the animal has taken over, then it’s too late. When you are in a calmer state you can think things through and avoid reaching the boiling point, making it easier to calm down than when you have crossed that line.”

16. Three D’s.

“The three “D’s”

Hands down Voice down Sit down

Also, put a hand in your pocket. It seems so insignificant but it really helps.”

17. Power walk it out.

“Put on the loudest angriest FU music I can find and go for a power walk until the rage is spent.

This technique is what got me in the best shape of my life and kept me from killing my coworkers and bosses at one former shit show of a job I had. If I was really angry I’d run instead, which was even better.”

There are some good tips in there for those of you that have a hard keeping a lid on your anger.

Does this happen to you?

Tell us how you try to keep your rage from boiling over in the comments.