When you’re arguing with someone or you have to make a snappy remark, two things can happen.
You can either say something really stupid and humiliate yourself and ruin your family name forever, or you can pull off a total surprise comment that makes you look like a total hero.
And we’ve all done both of them at some point.
But these people all fall into the latter category, you can be sure about that.
Let’s check out these impressive stories from folks on AskReddit.
1. Close call.
“Big burly former marine/mercenary from Iraq was back stateside, huge fucking mountain of a man. We came to face each other in one of the narrow corridors of the office where one of us was gonna have to turn sideways.
Neither of us turned, but we stopped. I’m 6’1 260 and he still towered over me. He was a nice guy, but still a little…..”conditioned” I guess you could say or mentally unhinged.
He looked me dead in the eye and said, “You feeling froggy?” It truly was like something out of a movie. Without blinking I replied, “You better jump.”
We both cracked up and turned sideways, while the office breathed a collective sigh of relief.”
2. Double whammy.
“I am a fourth grade teacher and one day I was up at the board and struggling to remember how to spell a particular word. I was trying to make light of it, telling the kids that sometimes adults need help with spelling too.
One student replied, “It is because you were poorly educated. But don’t worry, we are poorly educated too.” Double whammy.”
3. Showed him.
“I’ll never forget the moment a family walked into the local pub I was working at while I was working.
This big king-of-the-grill bald alpha patriarch Dad type and his wife and kids came through, I said “welcome, where would you like to sit?” And he snapped back “well a table would be nice”, and without missing a beat at all I replied “actually we usually sit on the chairs here”.
I’ll never forget the satisfaction of that moment or the look on his face haha.”
4. Satisfying.
“I worked in cellphone sales for a few years and a woman came in with a fairly new flip phone (this was 2018 we just still sold them). She was complaining cause one of the sides of the screen was dangling off and said she didn’t do anything it just snapped, and demanded a new phone.
I told her “that looks like physical damage and we don’t have any coverage for that since you didn’t buy a phone protection warranty.”
She insisted it wasn’t physical damage and the phone just sucks and broke itself. She started freaking out and calling me all kinds of names and swinging her phone in my face and then the top half of the phone LITERALLY snapped off and landed on the counter in front of me.
I just looked her in the eyes and said: “Well that was definitely physical damage.” She lost her sh*t at my comment and it was weirdly satisfying.”
5. Oh, Karen…
“Working retail a Karen once told me she hoped I die. I was so into “work mode” that I blankly responded: “I mean, we all die. That’s not much of a threat.”
Maybe it was my lack of intimidation or blank stare, but that really shut her up.”
6. Hey o!
“Forensic biology professor brings out a fresh human brain as a surprise to a stunned class.
“You have no idea what I had to go through to get this.”
“The skull?””
7. See you there!
“After 4 years in an abusive relationship and 1 year of an abusive marriage, I told my ex that I wanted a divorce. He told he that I couldn’t divorce him or I’d go to hell. My response was “Well I guess I’ll see you there!”
I then kicked him out of my house (for which he had never paid a dime in bills) and told him to call his mom for a plane ticket.”
8. Border crossing.
“Young male, traveling with a bunch of other males, border patrol, we were being searched for drug smuggling.
Border Patrol Agent: “You know I have the authority to cavity search you?”
Me (somehow without skipping a beat) “Sure you might, but neither of us would enjoy it and you wouldn’t find anything”
Off the hook! No fingers in my butt!”
9. Which part?
“I was accused of being passive aggressive.
I replied “Which part sounded passive? I don’t ever want to come across as passive.”
10. Sitting pretty.
“A couple months ago, my (now ex) friend was telling me all the things that were “wrong” with me, and she finished it with “…and at least I dont have to wear makeup to look pretty.”
I was so fed up with her shit, so I responded, “At least I am capable of looking pretty.” She was speechless and I felt like such a badass because this was the first time I ever stood up to her.”
11. Get it started.
“Me and my girlfriend at the time were having a discussion about her going back to school. She kept putting it off every semester, and one day she got angry at me trying to get her to actually go back, not just talk about it, and she yelled “Rome wasn’t built in a day!”
And I responded, “yeah, but it was built.” And a decade later I still think of that.
She did end up going back to school. Got her masters even. She’s married now with twins. Just a real *sshole.”
12. Dramatic.
“We had a overly dramatic neighbor who always claimed she was sick and dying.
My mom came to see my kids in the middle of battling stage 4 lung cancer.
The neighbor pulled her, “Hi Rita, so glad to see you. Did Jason tell you that I am dying?”
My mom looked right at her, smiled and said “Me too, dear. But not today.”
Never more proud of her.”
13. Nailed it!
“I was eating McDonald’s with a few friends and I started choking.
The only thing I managed to say in the whole ordeal was “I’m McChokin'”.”
14. Give it to ’em!
“When I was 7 some girls were bullying me at school.
I just learned the word mutual. One of the bullies said “we don’t like you” and I said “ the feeling’s mutual” and then walked off.
I’m 37 now and I still remember it.”
15. Action hero.
“At a party a few years back, someone stole my friends purse. Her boyfriend found the guys who took it and got it back for her, but he was still in an angry, drunken rage and was continuing to escalate the situation when he was well outnumbered.
My friend finds me and says, “I’m afraid [boyfriend] is about to get into a fight, I need your help. Stop him, please!”. I stand up, and I tell her, “I can’t promise you I can stop him from fighting, but I can promise you I won’t let him lose.” Before walking off to find him.
Ultimately, no fight actually broke out, and I didn’t realize that I had basically said a cheesy one liner until after the fact when my friend told me how intense that line was.
I didn’t mean for it to sound so dramatic, I just wanted to let her know I wouldn’t let him get his ass kicked, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was about to demolish three guys by myself like I’m some sort of action hero.”
What’s the most impressive thing YOU’VE said in the heat of the moment?
Share it with us in the comments!
Let’s see what you got!
