I know there are more than two genders, and that there are so many things that “opposite sex” could mean (and not mean) if we’re talking about romantic relationships, here, but I don’t necessarily think that we are.
If you’re someone who is confused about how the people different from you operate on a daily basis, come along – these 15 people are confessing the things they wish they would have realized as kids.
15. Everyone wants emotional connection.
That straight men want emotional connection and a partner as much as women, in some ways more because they don’t have much access to have that type of relationship outside of a romantic one.
Straight guys aren’t constitutionally commitment-phobic, they are just like everyone else who can want to date someone for a while without wanting something more serious.
14. Girls have balls, too.
Balls are located at the very center of the breasts.
We store fat around them because unlike men, we will be protected from getting hit directly in the balls.
It was a very cool evolutionary adaptation, I don’t know why y’all got the short end of the stick.
13. Everyone is worthy.
They actually find me attractive, and a few wanted to date me while I was in high school (I was depressed and oblivious to it).
12. We meet in the middle.
I think women tend to prefer to develop relationships by having deep conversations early on, then hanging out more casually.
Men seem to prefer casual hangouts for a while and then eventually get into deeper conversations.
11. There are always wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Men who claim to be advocates for women can be some of the biggest sexist assholes dealing with women one-on-one.
I do not find that the amount of lip service men give to women advocacy, particularly at work, correlates with how sexist someone is or isn’t.
10. An excellent question to ask.
The fact that women sometimes aren’t trying to fix it.
There is that nail in the head skit and it’s so fucking accurate but learning to ask ‘do you want advice or do you want me to just listen’ was one of the more important things in having a good relationship.
9. Get them in the mood.
Men are not always up for sex at the drop of a hat. Sometimes you need to work them up. I always assumed they were just raring to go all the time and I got sad and rejected and took it personally if they weren’t in the mood.
Men are people too and it needs to be taught more.
8. Someone finds you attractive.
That they thought I was attractive. I spent my youth with an inferiority complex brought on by bullying and when I left my hometown I quickly realized I was normal and women (girls at the time) were attracted to me.
Looking back I realize that I missed many opportunities for relationships because I thought I wasn’t worthy of love. I’m so glad I left that town behind.
7. Consent is cool.
When it come to romantic stuff : asking things straight up.
“Can I kiss you ?” I got rejected multiple tomes using that, but the girls LOVED IT and praised me for it. Some are still very good friend with me, and they feel safe around me (which is sadly more uncommon that we think) thanks to that. (and the fact that I’m not a creep who’s gonna try something, if you think it’s a “how to lower her guard” tips, you can go to hell)
“What do you like ?” when having sex for the first time. I was praised for it too.
So, really simple things they really like, thus improving the relationships (romantic or not) and trust !
6. There is no secret code.
to not put them on a pedestal, but still treat them with the respect you’d want.
To not be afraid of being rejected by them.
To realize when they excuse why they can’t go out with you, they’re really almost always saying they won’t go out with you. When they do want to go out with you but legit can’t they’ll make time or offer alternatives. And it’s not to be mean. It’s because either they are trying to avoid an angry reaction or it’s a misguided attempt to spare your feelings.
When I would take them at face value I ended up hanging onto false hope that kept me from moving on and even passing up other opportunities. Straight No’s are much cleaner and actually hurt less in the long run.
There is no secret code to making a girl to like you. No amount of niceness or favors is going to get a girl to OR OBLIGATE a girl to move you from the friend bucket to the boyfriend bucket if she’s already written you off. So don’t let yourself be used or kept in their back-up plan back pocket.
5. Everyone’s communication style is different.
That men and women communicate differently! It took me so long to realize that. For example, I’d be kind of upset when I’d ask a guy “how was your day?” And he’d say “ it was fine” and not offer more. I thought it meant he didn’t want to talk and that I should stop asking.
But guys (not all guys, I’m making more of a general statement here) genuinely just want you to know their day was fine. If something happened that was significant, they’d tell you. It’s not a personal attack on you that they didn’t offer more information, it wasn’t that they were trying to hide something or anything.
Their day was just fine, nothing significant happened. They appreciate that you cared to ask, and the way they express that appreciation is to respond. It just took me a long time to realize that guys see “fine” as a good answer; that it wasn’t meant to be malicious or push girls out of their personal life.
That being said, though, communication is key, ladies! If you want to hear something specific, if you’re not satisfied with a “fine”, let him know you’d like to hear something that happened to him. Ask him what the best part was, or something funny that happened.
Again, I’m making more of a general statement here, sometimes when someone gives you a one-word response, it’s because they truly don’t want to talk to you. But I’m saying just in general, the average guy doesn’t mean to be malicious or rude when they say “it was fine”.
4. Kindness is key.
That kindness, originality, and effortless comfort in one’s skin are the biggest turn-ons, and macho bravado is not.
3. Or bodies are literally different.
I thought girls were as sex crazed as boys were, but they just weren’t into me. Now in my mid forties and my wife on testosterone has opened her eyes to a little of what its like being a man. IT. IS. HILARIOUS.
My wife is not on steroids. She was gaining weight, depressed etc. Her T levels were literally undetectable. She was brought back up to a little higher than normal for a woman her age, and the change had some pretty humorous effects.
2. You can’t slack off.
No matter how many days go by, treat her as well as you did in those early weeks.
Never stop trying to woo her.
1. Desire goes both ways.
That majority of men enjoy when the woman is confident and can take on dominant charge, in a sexual manner. Obviously not all, but my experiences, most.
Men want to feel desired, too. I don’t mind taking initiative, but I love it when the woman I’m with does as well.
I think we can all do with a better understanding of the humans around us, don’t you? Forums like this are great!
What’s something you wish people understood about you and people like you? Drop it in the comments and keep the revelations going!
