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No matter your gender or sexual preferences, there’s always a moment in life when an awakening occurs. Either we begin to notice people we’re attracted to in new ways, or we notice our friends begin to notice and discuss it, but either way, there’s no arguing that most of us are clueless at the start.
It takes a long time, and a lot of effort (and trial and error) to understand people who aren’t like us – and here are 16 things more experienced folks wish they’d been able to realize sooner.
16. Men need affection.
Men may miss the affection from childhood. Like a simple hug, kiss on top of the head or pats on backs or shoulder. Also to hear that someone cares and loves them.
If you didn’t get one today or in the future… I am sending virtual hugs and top of the head (don’t be a pervy) kisses to you all.
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Thanks all. My dad passed some time ago. He was so affectionate as were the men in his family. It was, or still is, so weird to me that this isn’t normal behavior for men.
In his honor, a big hug, eye contact, kiss on the head and a head rub to you all. I know he would want this and give it himself if he were still with us .
15. Fake it ’til you make it.
How much confidence attracts them. I just faked confidence at first and it worked so good now I am actually confident.
Confidence in Yourself first then Confidence in Outcome.
Confidence in Yourself: Develop a genuine belief that you’ll be absolutely fine no matter how things go, you don’t worry about interactions because there’s no bad options.
Confidence in Outcome: You’ll notice that people are responding more positively to your interactions and start to understand that’s normal, it’s normal that most of the time interactions will go well for you.
Now the cheat code for the first part is your brain isn’t rational, if you tell it something over and over there’s a pretty good chance it’ll start suspecting it’s true. Breathe calmly and every now and then say to yourself “hey, I’m going to be OK” “hey, i don’t mind how things turn out” and give yourself a little smile.
Sometimes you’ll lose your confidence, sometimes you’ll lapse into anxiety again but it doesn’t matter, you’ll get back into a good place and you’ll be OK if it’s not the same good place as last time.
14. Be kind out there.
Men are just as nervous about hitting on you as you are about hitting on them… so don’t always expect the guy to make the first move.
If you like him, tell him 🙂 (from experience: been with my boyfriend for 18 months, I instigated things but he did say he’d always thought I was hot before I ever spoke to him but just didn’t want to shoot his shot and embarrass himself)
13. Just make an effort.
In my experience, women don’t care whether you do things perfectly, they just care that you made a thoughtful effort.
12. You have to let people all the way in.
I’m going to be a little particular about this. I wish I realized how much my wife loved me earlier in our marriage. I always knew she loved me but I took it for granted.
When I actually let her in a little I noticed she had an everlasting love for me from the very start. Our relationship was always a close one but I could of been a much better husband to her and now that she has passed away I’m beating myself up for not giving all of myself to her much earlier in our marriage.
Moral of the story is dont be afraid to show your true feelings for that special someone. I know it’s a gamble and you could end up getting hurt but if you are lucky you could meet your soul mate
Life is too short. Until we meet again I love you doll face.
11. This seems like propaganda.
I myself was surprised to learn that men miss the toilet when they pee because of how the urethra hole opens as urine bursts out. I had no idea.
Believe it or not, the male penis has “rifling” at the tip to cause the urine to twist into a more constrained stream.
Without this, the urine would really shoot everywhere all the time.
10. You don’t always have to “fix” things.
You don’t always need to solve a problem that is presented. Sometimes you just need to listen and consider the emotional impact. Sometimes its just about talking through something, not fixing something. Ask before automatically going into solve mode.
I’m not sure if this is just me (as a heterosexual male), or whether this line of thinking is common in other men. It happens with my male friends quite a bit also.
The worst is when you say, “well that’s easy to fix, why don’t you just…”
9. They really are.
That boobs are heavy as f**k.
When my wife was pregnant sometimes I’d just stand behind her and hold em up for a bit. She said she could immediately feel the relief in her back.
Win win!
8. You can’t judge a book by its cover.
I spent a lot of time avoiding conventionally attractive guys, or even guys just generally more conventional, and going for ones who looked and acted more off-beat.
After years of this, I learned that being or looking weird doesn’t necessarily make a guy down-to-earth, empathic, humble, or deep; and being good-looking or more conventional doesn’t mean they will be arrogant, entitled, shallow, or bland.
7. Stay in the moment.
How every woman is different and there is no “works every time” method for having great sex.
The *only* solid advice is to listen and react.
“It’s going to take longer than you think” is also solid advice, but that plays into the listen and react aspect.
6. People are people.
That women are human too.
For so long I was scared to approach a woman as a friend because I had an unhealthy expectation that they wouldn’t like what I (a guy) like.
People are people.
5. We’re all in this together.
They are just as insecure as we are.
If there was one thing I wish kids knew better it would be this.
All it takes is one to be chill and act like they know what they’re doing and everyone else will follow.
Even adults.
Work culture instills a “everyone has to be perfect” and loves to make examples of failure.
So now everyone is afraid to speak up or take chances because they’re afraid of consequences. Why take a risk doing z when x has always worked.
I get on some of these meetings and mention a couple ideas that could improve work and why and it just blows their freaking minds.
4. Not everyone knows the secret code.
I had multiple circumstances in college where I was accused of being a tease, and kicked out of guys houses or left on the side of the road after I refused sex.
Turns out I have autism and “can I come up to your dorm to watch netflix” was code for “lets have sex” and they didnt actually wanna watch netflix.
3. It’s a human thing.
They are just as screwed up as we are.
Everybody’s screwed up.
2. Everyone loves a compliment.
That a lot of men feel insecure about themselves . That’s why it’s good to compliment them often.
You know that meme about guys remembering and treasuring every single compliment they receive?
Yeah i still do, I remember and treasure them all, all 5 of them.
1. Fakeness is not well received.
Becoming confident in who you are and being yourself really is the key.
Trying to impress or being somebody you’re not is a sure fire way to come off as awkward and turn people off.
These are all fair assessments, I think. There are so many things I’d wish I’d known when I was younger.
Is there something else you would add to this list? Leave it in the comments if so!
