They say that relationships are built on trust. Now, I can understand not telling your spouse every single thing about yourself because A. who has time for that? and B. sometimes things just don’t come up, you know? And those excuses are totally valid for some of these 15 stories we found on AskReddit threads.
Sometimes, though, YOU SHOULD REALLY HAVE MENTIONED THAT BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED. Just saying.
1. Skills every man should have.
That he knew how to ballroom dance and took a cake decorating course for an art credit.
I learned it the same night. I couldn’t decorate cupcakes and he took over. Later at the event, he grabbed me and waltzed perfectly.
Can’t wait for the next few years.
2. Other Family
My wife passed away. At the funeral I met her ex-husband, her 22-year-old son who she hadn’t seen for 19 years, and her other 20-year-old son who she gave up for adoption (from a different father).
I never knew any of them existed until the night before the funeral when her best friend asked if I minded if they came.
Yes, it was awkward. She never had spoken of them. The closest she came to admitting it was when we were dating and she said, “Don’t believe a word my sister says, she tells everyone that I’m divorced and had two kids.”
Seventeen years later I found out that was the truth.
She’s really bad at swimming. I discovered this on our honeymoon while we were about 100 yards from shore when she started having a panic attack.
My dad loved grilled cheese sandwiches growing up. It was the one thing that his mom could cook when she was sick (cancer), and he always associates it with happy memories.
My parents get married, my mom continues the whole “making grilled cheese because it makes him happy” deal, complete with a slice of tomato, because my grandfather (his father) grew tomatoes and she thought it was an extra bit of love.
My parents have been married almost forty years, and my dad finally told her last year that he hates tomatoes.
He had been eating the sandwiches with tomatoes the entire time because he thought it was a part of her childhood, and wanted to make her happy. They laughed for ten minutes, the tears streaming, not able to talk laughing.
That she can have an orgasm just by thinking about it. Yeah, amazing.
6. Learnin’ German
We have been together 15 years and married for 7, we are watching tv the other day and someone starts speaking German and there are no subtitles – he translates it, like it’s no big thing. I’m like who ARE you? Apparently he’s watched so many war movies he speaks conversational German.
7. The Profile Pic
I met my husband online on OkCupid. I found out right before we got married, after dating for 5 years and living together for 3, that the picture of him posted on the site was staged – a profile of him using a camera timer in his room alone while holding a beer and talking to no one.
I don’t know which cracks me up more that I couldn’t tell or that he kept the secret for so long.
8. Opening things is easy, though…
That she doesn’t close any doors!
Getting a glass for a drink? Door stays open!
Getting silverware? Drawer stays open!
Taking a dump? Door stays open!
It’s 4am and you are getting ready for work. What’s that??
A DRESSER DRAWER!! HELLO HUMAN SHIN EVERY MORNING.
WOMAN, PLEASE CLOSE THINGS!
He has a watermelon problem. Like. He will sit down and eat an ENTIRE 12 -pound watermelon. Then get VERY ill, spend half the day pissing, complain about his awful stomachache, curl up and writhe around for awhile…then GO BACK to scavenging the rind for any bits he missed. I don’t know how this addiction hasn’t killed him. I didn’t find out about it until last year. We’ve been together for seven. I need to supervise him when we go shopping so he only buys the mini watermelons. If I leave him alone? He buys the biggest one he can find.
I mean watermelons are delicious but dear God.
10. Seventh time’s the charm?
That she had been married six other times (yes, that’s a six). She said, “Only two counted because they lasted more than a year.” I thought I was denied some critical, need-to-know information.
A few years ago, after about 15 years as a couple, 7 years of marriage and one child together, I accidentally found out that my husband is a huge Star Trek fan.
I walked into our bedroom one day and he quickly changed the tv station, so naturally I asked what he was watching. He reluctantly confessed, and was obviously very embarrassed to have to tell me that he watches Star Trek all the time when he is alone. I find it hilarious that he was so embarrass about that after all those years. To this day he won’t watch the TV show or older movies with me; he says I ask too many questions.
12. Yup, they do.
Literally 5 seconds ago I learned that my husband didn’t know women have to wipe after peeing.
13. Never Again
When I was about 20 and my parents had been married for 29 years, my mom said she was going to make squash with supper. My dad’s response was to say, “No thank you. I never want squash again.”
My mom was all WTF. My dad’s response was that he had eaten it because a) she liked it and b) if you want your kids not to be picky eaters you suck it up and eat whatever is served. We were all astounded.
14. Clever Cook
The fact that she is actually a good cook! For 10 years I cooked almost every meal because every time she cooked it wasn’t very.. well.. good. Got married and ever since she has made awesome meals which are absolutely beautiful.
I asked her when she learned to cook and she told me she had always known how to cook but wanted to make sure I wasn’t marrying her to be a housewife who cooks and cleans for her husband.
15. Driver’s License
My wife is from Siberia (backstory: she was my exchange student girlfriend in high school. We got back in touch 17 years later and we were married a year-and-a-half ago). She is straight-up amazing, but I have always been at least a tiny bit nervous being the passenger when my wife drives. It’s not that she drives poorly, she just has a very different respect for the rules that I take for granted, like signaling before changing lanes, speed limits, merging and keeping distance between other cars. You know, small stuff.
Her foreign license won’t work here for long, and she studied the driver’s manual HARD to pass the written portion for her Oregon driver’s license. On her third attempt she passed, missing only one question.
Last night we were celebrating her victory and she confessed something that really surprised me: she acquired her Russian license with the aid of two bottles of Cognac, given to her instructor prior to the ride-along to ensure a passing grade.
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