Most of us go into a job interview wanting to nail it, but listen. That just means there are a ton of articles out there on the internet with advice on how to do just that.
What if you want to bomb an interview for some reason? I don’t know why you would want to bomb an interview rather than just decline it or not show up, but hey. I am not one to judge.
If you’re wondering how people would go about this – or maybe putting together a “what not to do in an interview” list of your own – these 16 people have some things that definitely belong on it.
16. You don’t want to be arrested.
How close are we to a school zone, exactly?
15. I feel like one of those things could have done it.
Show up unwashed and disheveled and drinking from an open bottle. Piss on the fern in the reception area.
14. Depends on who is interviewing you, I suppose.
Showing up to interview with a pet parrot on your shoulder does not blow the interview. My wife worked for a popular online shoe retailer that starts with a Z and interviewed a guy who showed up like this.
She gave him the job, because, who wouldn’t want to work with a dude that would show up to an interview with a bird on their shoulder.
13. Mommy knows best.
Show up with my mom and have her answer all the questions for me.
No joke, had a guy’s wife join him in an interview. We politely asked why she was there and then asked her to leave.
She said, “If I leave, he goes too”. I said, “Oookay. This interview is done. Thanks for coming in”.
12. You wanna be chill.
Sit down, reach into my backpack and pop open a beer.
I interviewed once for a marketing position at Skoal. There were Plastic cup dispensers on every wall and cans of Skoal in dispensers on every wall.
Three guys walked in the room in jeans and polo shirts and all put in a dip, offered me a can of Skoal, and started to interview me. It was absolutely weird.
11. I’ll show myself out.
Did this years ago. I drank a coke quickly to settle my stomach before a big interview for a dream job.
Right as introductions are being made and I am shaking the CEO’s hand – I don’t say “Nice to meet you”…. I instead let out the loudest, nastiest belch ever formed by my digestive tract. Epic echo in the hallway, too!
No way to recover – I just turned around silently and left. Never heard from them again.
10. It’s all gonna be cool.
Don’t worry, I’m in anger management.
9. Unless they really like cats.
Say “meow” at the end of each sentence.
Or twice at the beginning of each sentence, like Henrietta Pussycat from Mr Roger’s Neighborhood.
“Meow meow time management is my greatest strength.”
8. This made me laugh.
Say that you think the company is dumb and you’re only there because your mother made you. More effective the older you are.
I read a comment once about how a GameStop employee was about to interview a teenager and the kid’s mom accosted the interviewer first telling him that she was making her kid get this job because he was so lazy and not hardworking and thought it would teach him some good skills.
Totally ruined his chance at getting the job lol.
7. Nobody likes that.
Many years ago I went through a mass hiring session. 1500 people showed up. There was a brief screening interview and then applicants would move on to the second interview based on that first interview.
I was passed on to the second round and was sitting waiting my turn. Behind me was a curtain and on the other side was someone doing the first interviews. Interviewer asked a guy about his last job and why he left. He said “You gotta understand I sweat. I mean I sweat alot! I was a waiter and I would bring a plate of food to someone and drip into their dinner. They didn’t like that.”
Without hesitation the interviewer called out “Next!”
6. Bring your IEP. And your mom.
Ah hell. I once had a 26-year-old guy show up to interview for a 6 figure software engineering position. He had a master’s degree, his Github was solid, he had a good collection of verifiable projects that he’d completed in remote contracting positions, and he did great in our online skills eval, but he oddly had NO history of permanent employment.
He showed up to his interview with his mom. I was confused at first because we normally ask if an applicant needs accommodations and provide those, but I asked whether she was there to assist with a disability or something. “He has an IEP for his ADHD and learning disabilities. He needs me there for the interview.”
I informed her that the interview was technical and she wouldn’t be allowed inside if there was no physical disability. I did not argue the IEP thing with her because…wtf?!?!
She looked me dead in the eye and said “He needs me there to keep him from saying anything dumb. He has a disability and an IEP. You are required to let me in.”
I excused myself for a moment, ran it by my boss, and was told to just do the interview. She interjected herself into every single question I asked. And when I asked him to whiteboard out a solution to a specific problem, she went through the roof. “I need to be able to correct his work BEFORE you score it!” I tried to explain to her that whiteboarding is about evaluating an applicant’s problem-solving processes, but she wasn’t having any of it. She stormed out, dragging him behind, shouting that she was going to sue us for discrimination.
He did not get the job. We did not get sued. Some parents are just insane.
5. Just for fun.
Dress up as the original Agent Smith. I get bonus points to start talking in his manner. I also refer to the interviewer as Mr. Anderson and be as condescending as possible.
Interviewer: “So why do you want to work for us?”
Agent Smith: condescendingly sighs “Mr. Anderson…”
4. That’s a lot to remember.
Scratch your a$$ then go for the handshake.
Don’t forget to sniff your fingers before going for the handshake.
And gag after sniffing.
3. The first part would do it.
I’d appear with my well loved plushie and let it do the interview for me.
Whenever the interviewer asks a question, ask the plushie what it thinks.
“Would you be willing to travel to client sites 3 days a week?”
“What do you think, Dr. Snugglepuss…? Oh… sorry, no I don’t think we could do that”
2. Priorities, you know?
Ask for the WiFi pass as the first thing.
And then pull out your phone and start browsing while they ask questions. If they bring it up or start asking questions, just say, “hold on a sec.” And keep going.
Then say “selfie!” turn around and get the whole interview panel in. Insist that everyone does a peace sign and duck lips. Get real stern about it.
1. What if it’s an acting job?
Enter the room caterpillar crawling in a blanket
There you have it, folks. That should give your “what not to do in an interview” list a great start!
What else would you figure would stop an interview in its tracks? If it’s not on this list, tell us about it in the comments!
