Imagine that you had to escape capture for 48 hours because a $5,000,000,000 bounty had been placed on your head, and everyone on the planet knew about it. How would you survive? That’s the question that one clever Redditor posed to AskReddit recently, and people’s answers are fascinating. Some are actually useful, and some are just for the laughs.
But they definitely got me thinking…
1. Go without food.
“Tape fully charged cell phone onto nearest semi trailer truck, go survive for 2 days in the national forest that I am familiar with only what I have on me at the time. You can go 2 days without food.”
2. Hide with someone trustworthy.
“Hang with my grandma cause she ain’t no snitch.”
3. Go wherever lost luggage goes.
“Put myself through the baggage sorting machine at the airport.”
“That’s a fool-proof way to get lost if I’ve ever heard one.”
4. Go to the open ocean.
“I’ll just rent a boat, turn my transponder off, and head out to open ocean for a few days and work on my tan.”
5. Find a doppelganger.
“I have a doppelganger in my city.
I find this person, drug them, and dump them in my house to be found.
It will be much easier to hide out when everyone thinks someone already got me
Apparently it’s an extremely close match. My last boss (who I’d worked for for 5 years at that point) passed this person on the street and wondered why “I” ignored him and when I started smoking.”
“I would go to IKEA.”
“Yeah but it’s only 48 hours. You would be lost for wayyyyy longer.”
7. An old person’s house.
“Go into a random elderly person’s house while they aren’t home and stuff myself inside of the kitchen cabinet.”
“If it’s, like, right the fuck now I’m quickly filling a water bottle, then throwing my phone out of my pocket (it can be tracked) and breaking in to my elderly neighbor’s attic, from inside the house. It’s dark out, she’s basically deaf, and almost blind. So I go up in there and try to get comfortable. I’ll deal with being hungry for a few days – it’s easy to just hold still when you know what the payoff will be.”
8. Freight hopping.
“Freight hop across the USA with food and water for 2 days… No one actually looking for someone ever check those trains especially if that someone is not known for railroading, rail fanning or freight hopping.
Besides when you do see a train it is usually moving at speeds you cannot look into every cars nook and crannie anyways. Hunker down in one of those cylindrical hopper cars crawl spaces and no one will even know you are there..”
9. Go underground, literally.
“Dig straight down and place a dirt block over me and wait.”
“I will dig a hole 6 feet deep and three feet wide. I will hide in it for two days. This hole will be located in the Siberian wilderness.”
10. Pretend to be homeless.
“Throw on a hoodie and my most scuffed-up work boots. step outside, find a quiet side-street in Midtown Manhattan, and pretend to be a homeless dude sleeping.”
“Being homeless is practically an invisibility cloak in America.”
11. Go see “Cats.”
“Go to a showing of Cats.”
“You just need to hide for two days. There’s no need for self torture.”
12. An old gas station.
“Find a old closed-down gas station in the middle of Nevada. Get there by bike. Hide in the restroom. Put an aged “out of order” sign on the door. Bring bike in. Lock door from inside. Take an air mattress and the Harry Potter books and yummy non perishable food and drinks. Plus a burner phone, sleeping bag, warm clothes etc. This is my winter plan. Not sure about summer.”
13. A rich person’s dining room.
“Water, snacks. Break into an upper middle class house with a kitchen dining area and a separate dining room. Hide in the dining room. You know nobody uses it.”
14. The woods.
“Just hide in the woods. Hell, you can go literally 100 yards off the Appalachian Trail and no one would ever find you.”
“Hell, I could just go camping where I’m going to go next year – 600 people visit it in a year. It isn’t accessible by roads.”
15. A gorilla costume.
“I’d just wear a gorilla costume all day. I’d probably get noticed, but as long as I keep the mask on, I’ll be safe.”
16. Mine shafts.
“I live in PA coal country. There are boarded up mine shafts all over the place. The trick would be not getting lost forever.”