16 People Recall The Funniest Comments They’ve Made To A Doctor

When you’re young, you can be a bit uptight about things that might be embarrassing, and bodies are probably close to the top of the list.

The older you get the more you realize that not only does everyone have a body, but they’re also inherently funny – at least, I have.

Of course, when you add drugs and anesthesia into the mix, all bets are off – and these 16 people have some pretty hilarious stories about silly conversations they’ve had with a doctor.

16. That doesn’t sound right.

Not me but one of my colleagues:

She was doing the triage, asking patients why they came to ER and doing the paperwork. One young <20yo male came really shy and embarrassed and said under his breath that “he had some sex and now it hurts and and stings” ok said my colleague, got him in a private room and called the doctor saying that there is a patient in that room that had sex and now his penis hurts.

The doctor gets to him, asks his name and proceed to consult him, asking the patient to get naked, the patient obediently got naked and let the doctor get to work, after some time and a detailed examination the doctor concluded that the little fellow was alright and recommended some more tests to be done the next day but reassured the patient that everything is good down there and has nothing really to be worried about, wrote a recommendation letter with some tests on it and some cream for my patient to get the other day.

When was the time for the doctor to leave the room, my young, shy patient asked: “okay, but who’s going to look at my tongue?” We all looked at each other and the patient continued “yeah, it’s my tongue that hurts and stings…”

15. He needed to lighten the mood.

No me, my father. Came out of surgery to remove cancer in his stomach. Was supposed to be a small section, they ended up taking most of it.

When he woke up and the doctor told him, my father’s response was “I’m glad I didn’t come to you to get circumcised.”

14. No sense of humor at all.

So, minor dog accident the night before Father’s Day, one of our dogs bit the end of one of my toes off. Trip to ER, lots of fun, open fracture on second toe, etc.

fast forward two months and now I get to hang out with all the old people at the podiatrists’ office. (Having some complications related to the nail bed and a bone that won’t mend). Little bit concerned that we may end up having to amputate the end of the toe back to the first joint.

When he asks me how I feel about this I told him I was concerned my wife would leave me, because she’s Lack toes intolerant.

Not even a chuckle.

13. He had that one ready to go.

During my last colonoscopy, when trying to lighten the moment, I said to the nurse who was prepping me “I’ll bet you work with a lot at a$$holes in your life is work”.

His reply was even better. He said “you know, most of those doctors aren’t really that bad!”

12. This made ME laugh.

My wifes recent check up went like this:

Doctor: Have you ever been told that you have virtually NO gag reflex.

Her reply: …..um…never by a DOCTOR.

My wifes sense of humor is seriously underrated..

11. Bonus points.

Recent colonoscopy. Someone in the next bed over was crabbing about some political stuff. Dr. was talking to me, looked over and said “yeah, we get to hear all the s*%t”.

I said “I get it, I work with a$$holes all day too”. He had to sit back down he was laughing so hard.

Bonus points, when they wheeled me out I peeked back at the bed next to me and got a stare that could kill.

10. Kids say the darndest things.

Waited for 8hours to get my dislocated shoulder put back in and was morphined to the gills and my mum asked me what did the doctor say so I turned to the nurse and my mum and said “the doctor is coming back in 5 minutes to seduce me” to which the nurse burst out laughing and said “I don’t think that’s legal”

9. I’m not sure the doctor thought that was funny.

I was 19 and having my tonsils and adenoids removed under general anesthesia. I am slightly freaking out because I have never had major surgery before.

So I am in pre-op, on the gurney, in my paper gown and the doc comes in and starts confirming my name and birthdate etc and then explains how the surgery will proceed. At the end of his spiel he asks if I have any questions.

So my smart butt, pointing to the IV needle in my arm asks “Is all this really necessary for an ingrown toenail?”

He looks over the top of his glasses at me and then starts flipping furiously through the papers on his clipboard. After a second I laughed and said “No, no, it’s alright, I AM having my tonsils removed. I am just scared and am trying to be funny.”

He put his hand on his chest, exhaled with relief and then says “You had me worried for a second there.”

8. Well I’m amused.

I went to urgent care after seeing blood after a bowl movement.

Get examined, everything checks out, doc postulates that the dry weather, plus being dehydrated could have caused dryness that led to some minor tearing during the bowl movement.

I looked at the doc and said “are you telling me I have chapped lips?”. They were not amused.

7. It definitely works.

I got a giggle from the nurse doing my smear test when I told her that lesbianism is my current method of birth control.

Lowest risk group for STDs too, apparently! Woo hoo!

6. It’s more fun other places.

I was at the dentist to get a root canal. They started up the nitrous and after a while she asked if it worked. “yeaahhhh”. She went “Have you had nitrous before?” and I said “not at at the dentist”.

5. This is downright hilarious.

I argued about my age with a nurse. I swore up and down I was 37. The computer said I was 36. My birthday was entered correctly. We ended up changing just the current age to 37, thinking there was just some glitch. It happens, right?

I was 36. I’d been a year off about my age for 2 years somehow. Growing old(er) is weird.

4. Oh my heart.

On my husband’s last day of radiation for his colon cancer he came in to our bedroom with a marker and asked me to draw a huge smiley face on his butt. He later said that when he opened his gown and laid down on the table EVERYONE there just burst out laughing & it lasted for awhile.

Man I miss that guy. He was so funny. Cancer is the meanest.

3. Her mom about died.

I was 12 ish so my mom was with me and the doctor was asking routine questions like do you smoke and do you drink, then he asked “do your parents abuse you” right in front o f my mom (she didnt, but that’s an insane thing to ask when the potential abuser is in the room), so I looked at mom, then back at the doctor, and said “I’m not allowed to talk about that.”

Boy did my mom not think that was funny.

2. What do you expect from a college student?

i was in college and had an ovarian cyst burst and i was in an insane amount of pain, my doctor was an older man and they were going through the whole “are you drinking smoking using drugs on birth control” spiel and i went “yes yes yes yes yes get this thing out of me please.”

He asked what drugs i was using and i said “just marijuana edibles” he asked what edibles were and i said “weed brownies old man, i know you’re trying your best but i am high and in pain please just stop being so old.”

Apparently he was laughing so hard his nurse came in to ask what i said. i cant remember it to this day but he was really nice the whole time i was there

1. A classic.

When I had to sign my first ‘you might die on the table’ form for surgery I said I would only sign under the condition that they play Motley Crüe’s Kickstart My Heart if they have to revive me.

He just laughed and said he’d see what he could do.

Y’all. People slay me. I think stories like these have to be some of the best parts of a doctor’s day.

Except for the saving lives.

Have you or someone you love ever cracked up a doctor? Tell me the story in the comments!