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16 People Share the Best Comebacks to Insults They’ve Ever Heard

©Unsplash,Sebastian Herrmann

A great comeback to an insult is like a fine wine…it just gets better with age.

And it’s not easy to come up with a good comeback, let me tell ya!

But they do exist and when they are executed the right way, you just have to admire the person behind them.

Let’s check out some killer comebacks from AskReddit users.

1. The perfect response.

“I was 13 years old:

Carrying a bunch of books for the teacher. Some joker thought it was funny to pretend to fall right in front of me.

I told him: don’t fall for me man.

My whole book carrying crew and his prank crew all started bursting into laughter.

I didn’t register what had happened until much later.”

2. He died inside.

“It was a exchange between 2 co-workers a few years back, basically a slut shaming gone wrong. Person A had only ever slept with one person, their previous boyfriend that they were still obsessed with.

Person B was the opposite and would bang a different person every week.

Person A: “I can’t believe how many people you’ve slept with, I don’t understand how people can have s*x with someone they aren’t in love with”

Person B: “Well your ex-boyfriend seemed to manage it okay”

Person A: silence as he dies inside.”

3. Is that a mask?

“Was out with a friend who was wearing a silly outfit.

Someone came up and said “Why are you wearing that, it’s not Halloween!”

He replied with “Then why don’t you take off that hideous mask?””

4. Brotherly love.

“I have a twin brother. I’m older.

He once told me when I came out, they knew it was a mistake and immediately tried again.

I told him he was the “buy one get one of equal or lesser value free”.

There was a fight after that one.”

5. Teenage logic.

“In high school, we congregated in our clicks around the benches. One friend is cracking his knuckles and did this fairly often.

Another friend saw this and remarked, “you pop your hands a lot, you must jerk off a lot.” The friend that popped his hands immediately looks at him and calmly says, “you pop your jaw a lot, you must suck d*ck a lot.”

Weirdly enough no one laughed, we just all shrugged and took it as a logical explanation.

It’s been over 20 years and I still think about the logic…”

6. He was quick.

“Winston Churchill, of course.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.

Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”

7. I love this!

“Working construction remodeling apartments and we were all done for the day. Hanging out in the parking lot chatting.

Guy walks up, who we could tell he had Down syndrome and asks what are we up to. The smart-*ss of the crew said “about 6’1″ and guy with down syndrome said he didn’t know they stacked sh*t that high.

Best insult I remember to this day.”

8. Wow!

“An older guy I used to work with was overweight. L

ike, had big old belly that hung out past his belt. This skinny punk always made fun of him, even touched his belly and would say comments like, when are you expecting, etc.

Finally he had enough one day. The skinny guy said, “damn your belly is so big.”

The old guy replied, “it’s because your wife likes sucking d*ck in the shade.””

9. Obama for the win!

“Between to ferns with Obama.

Zach: “It must kinda stink that you can’t run three times.“

Obama: “ No, actually i think it’s a good idea. If I ran a third time would be kinda like doing a third hangover movie. Didn’t really work out very well, didn’t it“”

10. Not gonna happen.

“This short guy at a bar was talking sh*t to my friend and he said “I’m going to be the bigger man and walk away.”

To which my friend replied, “you will never be the bigger man”.”

11. You want in?

“In high school me and my boyfriend (we were gay) were walking together and some dumb*ss came up and said “Why are you guys always together? What’re you, gay?”

So my man said “Why, are you interested?””

12. Might have been over the line.

“Arguing with my mom for the millionth time, and she would always say something along the lines of “you’re just like your father”.

One day i got tired of it, and told her:

“I’m not like my father, i’m smarter than him”

“oh yeah? and why is that?”

“because i had a girlfriend like you and i broke up with her”

Didn’t talk to me for a couple of days.”

13. Drunk parents.

“I was at a friends house and his drunk parents were fighting, Nothing new.

Mom yells loud enough for me, friend, and his little brother to hear “Oh, big tough man. Why don’t you go tell those boys why you can’t even get it up!?”

Dad replies “They already know why, and if you go look in the mirror you’ll know why too”

We laughed so hard she kicked us out of the house.”

14. Ugh.

“Being a lesbian, I get the ‘you never had a real man’ pretty often.

Someone stood up for me: “well no one around here…””

15. Don’t pull that in France.

“A French manager and a Karen were arguing.

Karen: ‘the customers are kings.’

Managers: ‘You’re in France, here we decapitate kings.'”

16. Boom!

“My brother was in his history class that just happened to have accumulated all the really disruptive and not-so-intelligent kids. They’d constantly interrupt and make the class hell, and the teacher didn’t really do anything about it.

One day, a girl who had caused a ton of problems acted up in the usual way to derail the class and he had had enough. He turned to her and told her to shut up and she flipped.

The teacher told her to be careful what she says to him, because she might be working for him one day. My brother turns to the teacher and goes, “Nah, I don’t plan on being a pimp.”

The class loses it, the teacher has to step out from laughing, and that girl apparently didn’t bother my brother for the rest of the year.”

Now it’s your turn!

In the comments, tell us about the best comeback you’ve ever heard.

We can’t wait to hear from you!