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Everyone who has or will be dating has their own private list of red flags – comments or behaviors that will get a person permanently knocked off the potential partner list.
Likewise, society as a whole seems to have agreed on some things you definitely want to avoid, but what if you feel differently?
These 17 people say they don’t see these behaviors as red flags at all – they’re actually the opposite.
17. No wants to waste their time.
Being straightforward and open about how you feel about the other person. Friend of mine recently went on long, involved dates with a guy for over a month (like kayaking and music festivals), he sometimes seemed distant and vague, she finally just texted him “I like you and I’d like to keep seeing you and see where this goes and if it developed into a relationship. I’m not getting a clear read off of you. How are you feeling?” He told her she’s great and he has fun but he’s realizing he doesn’t really want to be in a relationship right now and committed to another person, he likes that he can prioritize possible plans with friends first and then if they fall through he can maybe go on a date.
It sucked, but was honest and she stopped wasting time and growing feelings with somebody that didn’t want the same thing. But her family gave her so much shit and said she “scared him away” and “of course he’s going to say that!” He’s a grown man in his mid-30s, not a baby deer. If he can’t handle a friendly check-in on how he feels about s growing relationship then he is correct, he is NOT ready for one!
16. Keeping mum about future goals.
Discussing life goals and future desires such as kids, marriage, work or education within the first few dates.
Some people think it’s to heavy for getting to know someone, but to me nothing is more freeing than knowing the expectations and goals the other person has set so we can both make an informed decision.
15. You’re supposed to act like you don’t care.
Being excited to go on another date, immediately.
Could be codependency, or it could be that you’re genuinely that interesting to her. Why wouldn’t I want to spend a lot of time with someone I like?
14. Mental health history.
Being honest about issues like mental health problems – most people see that as get the hell away from me, but I think it’s a sign of honesty, and the fact that they were willing to tell you means they’re probably pretty trusting and kind + you know what to expect in a relationship (granted this isn’t always true, and sometimes it’s done in an attempt to garner sympathy)
13. Not everyone enjoys the game.
right or texting again right away… idk the whole “act like you’re too cool for them” thing is so stupid to me
If I had a great time with someone, of course I want to keep talking to them. That doesn’t mean like blow up their phone but I also don’t think you should intentionally hold back when you want to keep a conversation going
12. It has to come up sometime.
Same with disabilities you can’t see. I have epilepsy and unless I tell you or you see my medications you wouldn’t know but a partner would need to know because what if something happens.
What do they do if I have a breakthrough seizure and can’t drive anymore, would they be okay with having to drive everywhere? They should be allowed to know so it doesn’t come as a surprise later.
11. Not everyone is good at it.
Being bad at dating in general. Dating and relationships have completely different skill sets.
One requires timing and guarding your information and trying to show your best self and not being too weird and handling these various interested people while the other requires opening up and sharing your true self with just one person.
Totally different skill sets. People who are terrible at dating might be just great at being in a relationship, ya know?
10. Some people need it all laid out for them.
Oversharing their emotions. I am too weak in understanding people.
So if someone is very expressive about how they feel… I’m all in.
9. A hard line to walk.
I feel similarly
I have a bad first impression so most women wouldn’t give me a chance or maybe a date max .
I agree that I’m not really funny and generally I take time to open up.
Sometimes I feel I get too animated in front of women in trying too hard.
But I just don’t want to be boring
8. A comfortable silence.
Running out of things to say.
It’s a good sign that the person you are with is comfortable not jabbering.
If you can feel comfortable with them in silence, that’s a green flag. You don’t necessarily want the silence to be due to lack of mutual interest, but it is important that not every moment needs to be filled with speaking.
7. There be dragons.
Conversely, I don’t think seeming good at dating is necessarily a red flag, but I’ve definitely run across people who thought it was.
Awhile back I was dating quite a lot and I got so comfortable on first dates that a couple of women accused me of being a player. The reality is that I was actually so bad at it that I could go on 25+ dates in a few months and not connect with anyone.
So the next logical step was to pretend to be a little nervous… which seemed a step too far for me. There be dragons.
6. It could go either way.
The serious stuff. Do you want kids, how many if so. What do you believe do you have any kids from past relationships etc.
Red Light would be if your both not on the same wave length. A green light would be if you both are
5. Not caring about the rules.
Being open. Texting multiple times.
Not caring too much about social dating rules.
4. There’s always gotta be one.
I have deuteranopia. All red flags look green to me!
3. You are who you are.
Depending on the situation, oversharing.
Some times you just gotta put it all out there right away and if they don’t like it, you’re not wasting your time.
I’m lucky enough to be married to the love of my life and together for 15+ years since we were teenagers so don’t need to worry about dating but I have ADHD and am the absolute worst for over sharing, I’ll tell you my life story and all my deepest darkest secrets if you so much as hint that you might give a s*%t.
2. Not waiting to reply.
Quick replies. As soon as I see a text, I respond.
It doesn’t matter who you are, if you’ve spent some time formulating some information you think is valuable for me to know, I’ll be eager to receive it.
1. The three-day rule.
The three day rule is just plain stupid. I can’t count the number of times I’ve assumed someone wasn’t interested because after a first date they didn’t text for days. And have had several who thought I was weird for texting within that time.
How is showing interest a bad thing? If it’s a bad date sure, but I don’t see any reason for this social norms bs of “don’t seem too eager or they’ll think you’re weak.”
I think these are some really interesting arguments, don’t you?
Do you have any “green flags” that your friends think are crazy? Surprise us with them in the comments!
