As we get older, there are many, many scenarios in life that require us to be calm, be cool, and to use our big girl/boy words when it comes even to dealing with people we really can’t stand.
That said, sometimes biting your tongue completely is just impossible – which is why we all have those insults we keep in our back pockets. You know, the ones that sound too fancy and nice to really be mean?
If you need a few more in your arsenal, here are 17 we think you’re going to love.
17. You can’t mess it up.
How fortunate for you that breathing is involuntary.
16. It’ll take them a moment to sort that out.
Car Talk said it best:
“Unencumbered by the thought process”
15. Confusion is always fun.
I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.
I saw this once, use it on both people i like and people i dont. makes for a lot of confusion
14. Mal knew how to do it.
Reminds me of an insult from Firefly “I’m thinking you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling.”
13. Karma’s got this.
My favorite is “Have the day you deserve” let karma sort that out.
12. Too many of these running around.
I like “never knowingly allowed their opinion to be tempered by fact.”
11. Hilarious.
Please speak your mind… we could use the silence….
10. It’s a burn, for sure.
When offered advice or an opinion: “I’ll give that the consideration it deserves.”
9. It sounds like a compliment, but…
“I appreciate that your mind is unburdened by the complications of reason.”
This one is great. One of my favorites.
8. If you want to be a bit softer.
“Hmm I hadn’t considered that”
“That’s an interesting thought”
“What a fascinating point of view”
I much prefer vague responses that can be taken in either direction.
7. Keep the change.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I’d have change coming.
Their thoughts are worth less than a penny, so if you gave a penny it would be overpaying and you would need change back
6. Perfection.
I got made fun of as a kid for wearing glasses.
I wish I had known to come back to “You would look better without glasses” with “You also would look better if I didn’t wear glasses.”
5. They probably won’t get it, though.
“If you were any smarter, you’d have an inferiority complex.”
4. I love this.
“I would love to agree with you but then we would both be wrong.”
3. Oooh burn.
“I sincerely appreciate how well you deal with your inadequacy.”
2. The audience will love it.
“I’m finding it hard to underestimate you.”
It gets some seriously good smirks from others in the room.
“Hard to underestimate” means that even if you tried to underestimate them, by severely lowering your expectations, it would be difficult to lower them far enough to put them below the person’s actual ability/performance.
However crap you expect them to be, they manage to surprise you by being even worse. So even despite low expectations you were still overestimating.
1. And don’t let it hit you.
I’d like to help you out. The door is behind you.
I’m definitely stealing some of these, because they’re amazing.
Drop your own favorites in the comments!
