If you’re in your twenties and you’re reading this article, you might think we’re all crazy. It’s so easy, really, to make friends when you’re a kid, a teenager, or even a college student/postgrad – you have things in common with others.
Then there’s this period in your life when you’re just married or your kids are small, and you’re isolated. You forget how to make friends.
If you’re there now, you’re not alone – and you might need these 17 tips on how to find some people to break up the monotony.
17. It’s not easy.
It’s very difficult . You have to be committed to finding friends.
It doesn’t really happen naturally anymore.
I’m so busy these days that even when I make a new friend I don’t really have time that I am willing to spend with them.
I use my limited free time to be with my wife, relax and finish projects around the house.
Scheduling time with friends almost feels forced, like an additional errand lol.
16. If you say so.
this is the answer..you can’t actively pursue friendship
it will be awkward and forcing it doesn’t work
Do things you like and you will meet other people who like doing those things, talk to them and see if you enjoy talking to them. In that actual situation.
Not because you enjoy a made up situation that might happen with that person down the road.
15. Embrace your weirdness.
I don’t necessarily agree about having to be committed. I have more friends at 26 than I did throughout my entire childhood and teenage years, combined.
What changed things for the better for me was embracing the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time, and being honest and direct. So if I meet a friend of a friend at some point, and they seem like a cool person, but I don’t expect to ever see them again, I straight up tell them “you seem like a cool person, we should hang out sometime”. Then we exchange socials, and the next time I’m meeting some people at a bar, or hosting a party, or whatever – I make sure to invite them, and use that time to get to know them better.
You’re probably not going to make “best friends” this way, but that’s because adults don’t really have best friends to begin with. Close friends – sure, but it’s highly unlikely that as an adult you would have enough spare time to bond with someone to that extent. Whereas as children we had all the time in the world.
Another thing I’d like to add is that not everybody needs constant interaction to maintain a friendship. Some of my closest friends I only talk to a couple times a year, but as soon as we meet it feels as though no more than a day had passed.
14. Hit the courts.
I’ll give a specific shout-outs to tennis, pickleball and hiking in the United States.
The USTA runs tennis leagues around the nation, and you can find a team based on your skill level. Many teams do group lessons with a coach, generally you’ll get 5-10 group lessons for less than $100 a season.
Pickleball courts are popping up everywhere! What I love is that when traveling by myself, I can just show up at a public court and generally find a game. The locals that are there everyday all know each other, but most courts follow a “challenger” style where you just stack your paddles and the next 4 up play.
I have friends that love to hike and say the hiking clubs in the area have been great for meeting others. (One friend met his future wife at a hiking club gathering.)
All of my neighborhood friends are due to tennis, and I probably know 100 people from my 660 home neighborhood, and would consider 20 or so of them to be friends. I didn’t know any of them 8 years ago when we moved in. (I’d say I am on the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. Not opposed to social situations, but definitely don’t go out of my way to make conversation.)
13. Well that’s awful.
I’m 35 and my friends have dwindled down to my husband of 16 years…
Who just recently told me he feels we want different things in life and should “travel our own paths” …
FML
12. They’re hard to come by.
Work and hobbies usually work. I just stay friendly, joke a lot, ask plenty of questions. I find people really open up when they don’t feel judged and they feel you are enthusiastically listening to them. Oftentimes as an adult, other adults aren’t “actively” listening to your tales because they’re so wrapped up in their own lives.
If you listen first, really take time to get to know them and have a good time (joke) they generally start reciprocating pretty quickly.
Thats how I get along with people. Actual long term adult friends are hard to come by. Always seems like if you aren’t convenient, they aren’t going 5o make time for you. Ive got a couple now that I can call anytime though.
11. There are tradeoffs for sure.
I’m 31, and my friends are all in different countries (as am i, seeing as i recently moved to a new country) and s*%t is hard.
just today i had 2 video calls with my friends overseas, and i could barely hold myself without bursting into tears, seeing as i miss having the bois around.
10. Take a genuine interest.
I’ve probably got more friends as an adult in my 30s than I ever did in my early 20s and teens. I do exactly the same as you, just have a genuine interest in people and getting to know them, so long as they aren’t me then I find them fascinating. Even if you don’t agree with all their views it doesn’t really matter.
I agree with being positive and jokey as much as can be, I think a lot of people are looking for someone to offload on and it can be a lot to take in for anyone who isn’t prepared. If you keep it fun and enjoyable though I think it creates a bond where they will want to be supportive comes later.
One thing I notice too is I have a weird thing for faces and details about people, I used to have to pretend I didn’t remember people when I was young because some classmates told me it was creepy. Now though I find if I recognize people and ask about an event or hobby they told me about, then they normally are fairly happy to chat.
9. I mean, it’s worth a try.
Lay down on the ground, and pretend to be dying.
When people start to circle around you in hope of taking your stuff, sit up and start telling them cool facts about frogs.
Bam, friendship!
8. It’s not stalking.
Regular accidental contact.
Initially this sounds a little like stalking, so I’m going to have to explain a little.
You made friends at school / college because you turned up to places to do ‘something’. The people that were there were secondary to your main goal or task. Basically you turned up to maths every day and so did the dude sitting 3 seats away. This is the regular accidental contact.
As an adult, this only really happens at work and the age differences can be problematic. This is why people suggest joining sports teams or clubs that meet on a regular basis. You meet up to ‘generic sport’ and of the 15-20 other people that do there might be 5 that are potential friends. The non-threatening nature of ‘I’m here to do something’ is basically an excuse to have the regular contact where you find out more about these people and can develop a friendship.
Since this friendship business requires regular contact, places like bars are often pretty poor – unless you are one of the regulars. Sports, Hobby clubs, book groups are all the sort of places that replace the classroom of yesterday.
Adult life makes most of your regular tasks revolve around a small group of people (workmates / family / flatmates), you need to find regular contact groups outside that subset.
7. Play together.
Recreational/leisure sports leagues
Absolutely no one cares if you’re good, no one cares if you mess up, the main objective is to include people who are interested. Its a fun way of getting exercise & you can meet an absolutely vast array of people regardless which sport – slow pitch softball, pick up basketball, flag football, pick up soccer, bowling, billiards, etc.
Doesn’t matter, people will always be willing to help & its a fun bonding experience shared with random people, you’d be surprised how many people I met through this stuff
6. Something in common.
One of the longest maintained friendships from college that I have was someone I met from being “there to do something”. It was pool. I was there to play pool and so was he, like clockwork. We would talk and chat and play a lot of pool month to month and year to year, never changing. After a few months we were friends and I’m still friends to this day.
Same with a guy from math class. we became friends because we both had the same ugly weird shoes (gray and yellow color combo just made no sense lol) but we had multiple math classes together. he actually got me the high paying job I have today and would be nowhere without him.
Regular accidental contact is a blessing.
5. It won’t be the same.
Don’t compare your adult friendships to adolescent friendships. They will be different because you are different, your commitments are different, priorities etc. Like when I was late teens early 20s if a close friend needed help I’d drop what I was doing and give them a ride, help them move, finish a project etc. we were like that for each other. Can’t do that now.
In part this is because I have my own family, 3 other people that depend on me for things. After they’re all good, then there’s time for friends. In a few years it’ll just be one other person mostly as my kids grow up and start families of their own. I suspect that then friendships will change again and be more similar to those early almost familial bonds I made.
I think media has built up unrealistic expectations of what friendships can be (well for most of us anyways).
Also you may not fully realize it at the time but if you want to have those storied, long term, since grade school sort of friendships you have to pretty much not move away from your hometown.
Sounds kinda duhhh.. but if your goal is to get outta dodge you will lose touch with those still in dodge and while you may be able to pick up where you left off later, it’s still not the same because you left off.
4. It happens.
Stand near an extrovert and hope they adopt you.
I’m definitely an introvert with a dash of social anxiety.
My roommate and best friend in college was a huge extrovert.
I went to so many parties, bars, events and made tons of friends that I probably never would have otherwise if he didn’t drag me along with him.
I also married an extrovert so keeping the theme alive!
3. Just believe it.
Dude.
I’ve realized. As an adult you have to say “you are my friend now”
We are all so unsure of if someone is a friend. I legit say “bruh. We are friends now”
25% success rate. Mostly I’m bad at texting so i lose out on friends.
Still, every 4 people you make friends with, 1 sticks. That’s a lot..
2. Go do something fun!
Hobbies.
Pursue them and find a local venue for it.
Then just talk to people there doing what you’re doing.
1. Everyone likes bowling.
Join a bowling league.
It’s easier to make friends with a bowling league because you see these people weekly.
I’ve made a lot of good friends through bowling.
They might be weird friends, but they’ll be fun.
I definitely needed some of these ideas, y’all.
If you have some good ones, add them in the comments!
