8. That’s not how it works…

I had a girl in my grade 10 history class, and she was 20 years old.

She wrote me a short essay arguing that Quebec shouldn’t separate from Canada. Her main argument was that if it did indeed separate, then people would have to take a boat to get there because of all the water that would be in the way.

I wish I was making this up.

9. Look at what smartphones have done

There’s a lab we do involving elements and their properties in freshmen science. Students go around to different stations, each with has its own unique element.

They test/observe the elements for different properties (luster, magnetism, electrical conductivity, stuff like that).

Two years ago I had a class where after finishing at the first station, I told them all to “rotate stations clockwise,” and I had a student seriously ask me “which way is clockwise?” I was both dumbfounded and saddened by that, but I guess if you think about it a lot of students don’t wear watches anymore…

10. Everyone knows!

That when you pee you are supposed to aim for the toilet, not the floor, the garbage can, and for goodness sake please stop peeing your pants! You are in second grade!

Also your poop is to go inside the toilet, not on the wall and how in the hell did you think to fling it on the ceiling!?

Lastly, when you shit yourself in the second grade and act like nothing happened, everyone knows…everyone!

11. Wow. Just wow.

I teach English in a languages school.

One day, after class, I was talking to a student about music, and showed him some rap songs, which are very fast and hard to sing… He then said ‘they sound like squirrels speaking’, I laughed and remembered about a vine video in which a squirrel speaks very fast saying something like “thank you for these delicious walnuts you’re a very nice person I promise to come back tomorrow… Etc”, and showed him that video… And to my surprise he asked me if “squirrels actually speak that fast”, I thought he was joking but he then said that “in the movie Alvin and the chipmunks they also speak very fast, do they actually speak like that?”

You should’ve seen his face and reaction when I told him that animals don’t speak, and it’s just a dubbed audio. He couldn’t believe that. And I honestly couldn’t believe myself what I had just witnessed this guy do… He’s 22 years old.

12. Total zero

Not a teacher, but a female classmate in Technical Drafting classes came to me for help as none of her drawings seemed ok. I pointed out that her dimensions were all wrong (short) by one unit, and it dawned on me that she was measuring from the ONE onwards on her ruler.

I told her she needed to start counting from ZERO onwards and she said that was the stupidest thing she had ever heard. -“Zero doesn’t count, have you heard of the word zero value?”

She left to go ask someone else.

13. Not surprising

I had older students in a GED program for 16-21 year olds. Some were close to being homeless and many were on their last chance to not go to jail (judge ordered them to get in a program).

They all had access to proper facilities somewhere but they did not always use them. More than once I had to explain that cologne or perfume was not a good substitute for actually washing your stank ass. You know, with water and soap.

I also had to tell students repeatedly that they would not pass the GED exam simply by having been in the class. They had to extend themselves and work toward the goal.

This all seems obvious but these were kids who had never been held to high standards and had never finished anything.

It was a sad but also uplifting class to teach.