Has your dog ever actually eaten your homework?
Mine ate my best friend’s yearbook once, but I’m sure dogs have actually eaten homework, too.
In fact, that made the list.
So did 17 other crazy excuses from AskReddit:
#1. Spaghetti! Oh…
I had to walk out of a meeting because a bag of spaghetti exploded in my pocket
#2. “It’s hard out here for a pastor.”
“Sorry that I was late for work. One of the pimps of the hookers I was picking up followed us across town. So I had to call a friend for help and he showed up with a convicted murderer and a pastor who scared the guy off.”
(Was volunteering with an organization that helps get prostituted women off the street, the murderer was a guy who’d gotten out of prison halfway through his sentence for good behavior. Now he does tons of volunteer work and spends all his free time trying to improve the world for everyone.)
#3. Not again!
“I’m going to be late to the meeting. The, uh, highway collapsed. Again.”
#4. He wasn’t lion.
Got in line after my college stats class to tell the teacher why I didn’t finish my homework. Kid in front of me starts to tear up when he tells the teacher his kid brother was attacked by a mountain lion over the weekend. I was at a complete loss for words, so was the teacher as we’d both seen the story in the paper. Ended up getting an extension, not sure what happened to the kid’s brother…
#5. Dude, where’s my job?
Late for work because I lost my car.
I live near where I work but one day every week in the summer there is a farmers market and I lost my spot. Parked my car down the road that night and totally forgot where it was the next morning.
Roamed the neighborhood about 20 minutes until I found it.
#6. It really happens.
My dog literally ate my homework when I was in high school. I put what was left of the assignment in a bag and showed it to my teacher. She had a good laugh.
Two times I was late to work:
“I’m going to be late. There are two skunks wandering around right next to my car and I’m not taking any chances.” Took photo as proof.
“I’m going to be late. The apartment two doors down is on fire. Can’t get out of the parking lot with all the fire trucks. Plus I’d like to be here just in case my own apartment goes up.”
#8. Respect my authorit-eye!
I was in a Driver’s Ed class, and there was a guest speaker who was a cop. He saw I was wearing sunglasses and said “Son, could you take those off and show some respect?”
I looked at my teacher in desperation so she could explain that I had been hit in the eye by a sandal, and had to limit my eye’s exposure to light.
#9. Surprise Shower
One time I was on my way to class from the outside of the school building and for a minute it was as if someone just emptied a shit load of water from the sky. For 2 minutes it started pouring rain like craaaaazzy. Once I went inside I explained to the teacher that I just walked through a rain storm and all I got was laughs. It was clear sunny by the time I had made it to class.
I was pulled over in my neighborhood (speeding/ driving erratically) heading home I had to take a massive shit, the ones that hurt to hold it in, and the officer asked why I was sweating and noted I looked nervous and asked if he could search the vehicle, I told him I no I’m in a hurry I really have to use the bathroom. He made me get out anyway as I was getting out I leaked out a toxic fart that could melt steel beams, he stuck his head in my car for two seconds before gagging and sent me on my way with a verbal warning
“I can’t come to work today. I sprayed dishwashing soap in my face and now can’t see out of one eye.”
My producer thought it was hilarious. The next day he had left a travel-sized bottle of soap on my desk.
#12. Take the day.
I called my manager one morning to ask if I could have a an extra hour because I had hardly slept (occasional bouts of insomnia). He said take your time. I called back about an hour and a half later and said I was on my way and he said ok, see you a bit. I locked my door and walked to my car, only then realizing I forgot my keys. Amazingly, I had forgotten to lock the front door (probably sub-consciously knowing something was wrong). I went back in and to my room to get the keys. My room was locked! I never lock the bedroom door, NEVER!
“Hey boss, I have now locked my keys inside my bedroom. I’m not sure where the little dealy to unlock the door is and the actual key is on my key chain, inside.”
Boss says, “You know what, maybe you could use a rest.. Take the whole day off.”
#13. That happens?!
The Subway took the wrong turn.
#14. The Goat Boy
“I’m going to be a little late today… I ripped my goats horn off” From that day forward I was known as the Goat boy.
“Couldn’t come to school yesterday because the DEA has a Hazmat team blocking my driveway.”
Neighbor’s meth lab got raided 30 minutes before I left for class. Nobody believed me until I showed them the news footage of the police tape roped from my house to theirs.
#16. Stupid limos!
“The limo was late.”
Middle school all-region band, and our directors actually paid for us to take a limo to the rehearsals and concert. Our driver actually did show up late, and when we got to rehearsal late, the director asked why. I said, “The limo was late.”
Now I know what it’s like being a rich white girl.
#17. “Run over that fridge. I dare ya!”
“I’m sorry I’m late, but I ran over a refrigerator door and it got stuck under my car.”
#18. And, finally, there’s this:
Have you told or heard a better one?
Share it in the comments, and you might see it in an article down the line.
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