Those kids sure love to be honest.
Unless you’re asking them who spilled or ate something.
But, you get them in a classroom, and they seemingly become an open book.
Here are 18 times when they might have opened the book a bit too far via AskReddit:
#1. “Was it really bad?”
“One kid called another kid an asshole.
So the teacher takes her out to the hall and says ‘We heard you call someone a bad word. Now what did you say?’
The kid says, ‘Was it really bad?’
The teacher: ‘Yes, very bad.’
The kid: ‘Well, it must have been ‘motherfucker.'”
“A student drew a picture of himself and his father hunting deer. His stick figure had a flashlight, and his father had a gun.
He had the teacher write at the bottom, ‘I hold the flashlight while my daddy shoots the deer.’
For those of you who don’t live in Appalachia, shining a flashlight in a deer’s eyes immobilizes them and is also illegal.”
“I’m a counselor at a summer camp. One kid was playing in the mud. When we asked him to stop, he stood up, and smeared it on his face, like battle paint.
He then proceeds to shout, ‘MY DADDY SAYS IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU LOOK NICE AS LONG AS YOU LOOK LIKE A BADASS.’
The kid was seven.”
#4. He knows the drill
“My little brother is a very articulate and mature little boy. When he was five, his teacher was telling the class about her dog, who she had to put down.
A little later the kids were cutting out pictures from magazines for some project, when my brother walked over to the teacher with a picture of a wine glass he had cut out.
He handed it to her, saying, ‘Sorry about your dog.'”
#5. A tale of two dads
“Two quotes from my wife’s daycare:
‘My daddy has a HUGE penis!’
‘My mommy is picking me up because my daddy is in jail!'”
“One kid said he couldn’t take a shower one morning, because his parents were in there.
Another kid said her parents were ‘racing’ in their bed.”
#7. “My mum has a penis, too.”
“We were talking about the difference between men and women: men have penises and women don’t.
One boy goes, ‘My mum has a penis, too.’
We’re all, ‘Oh no sweetie, she doesn’t,’ but he insists and it starts becoming uncomfortable.
After a while he says, ‘My mum HAS a penis, only it is not attached to her body, she keeps it in the drawer by the bed.’
Kids-logic is so precious.”
#8. “Daddy said so.”
“When I was very young, about four, a woman cut the queue after my mother and I had been waiting for a good bit of time (it was a doctor’s office, so the queue was pretty long).
Having been raised with manners, I tapped the lady on the back and said we were meant to be in front of her because we were waiting. She got snotty with my mother, and I got annoyed, telling her that my mother was a smart lady.
When she asked how she was so smart, I proudly exclaimed, ‘She can take her teeth out to brush them!’
Nobody talks shit about my momma, not now, not then.
Another time, a neighbor was cutting our hedges with my father, to return a favor, and I was around four or so again. I came in and told him that he, ‘made a bollocks of them, Daddy said so.’
My parents are so proud of me.”
#9. “Pass the Marlboro”
“My nephew told his teacher in kindergarten that his mommy and daddy would have friends over and pass around a cigarette to each other.”
“I had a child tell me that his mom and dad both like to play dress up at home. The description of their ‘costumes’ made it quite clear that this was private-time dress up.
Made for a few interesting interactions with the parents throughout the year.”
#11. It’s not always true
“My little brother once went to nursery and told his teachers about how his dad acts at home.
To demonstrate, he pretended to drink from a bottle, loudly said ‘glug, glug, glug,’ then fell over backwards.
My step-dad isn’t at all an alc*holic and hardly ever drinks at all, especially not at home.”
#12. “I don’t know how old he is anymore…”
“’My mommy is 41. My Daddy used to be 43, but then he had an operation to become younger, so I don’t know how old he is anymore…’
I had to leave the room because I was laughing so much.
The parents were divorced. The father had just gotten a new 25-year-old girlfriend and had (bad) plastic surgery…”
#13. She said “snogging…”
“The funniest and slightly sad one that occurred was when I was teaching first grade. One of the little girls in my class (who was absolutely sweet and adorable) got picked up by her dad and his girlfriend.
The two adults were doing some serious snogging outside (ass grabbing included) in full view of my class. I went up to them and asked them politely to knock it off.
The daughter then says out loud, ‘But Miss A, at least they aren’t naked this time!'”
#14. Where’s your mom?
“‘Mommy had to miss my camp recital, because she was getting surgery to make her more skinny.'”
#15. “OH YES YOU DO!”
“When I was about 3 or 4 years old, my dad would take me to class with him. He was enrolled in a graduate program in psychology.
I’d sit at or under the desks and color. One day, they were discussing spanking. My dad announced to the class, ‘I don’t spank my daughter.’ From the back of the room, little me sing-songed, ‘OH YES YOU DO!’
Truth is, he had done it a couple of times in my life, but did not resort to that as a rule.
He now tells this story in all of the psych classes he now teaches.” 🙂
“Once in 5th grade at the YMCA after school program, a 1st grader (girl) came from the side of me and grabbed my junk as I was talking with a friend.
A counselor witnessed this, told her she was wrong. and asked why she did that.
Little girl said, ‘That’s what my mommy does to my daddy before he goes to work.'”
#17. “Trust me, I’m a doctor.”
“I said, ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor,’ to a kid.
All eyes turned to me and he asked, ‘Are you really a doctor?’
‘No, it’s just a saying.’
Then one boy, without looking up from his work says, ‘My daddy pretended to be a doctor… He got in trouble.'”
#18. It starts at home
“Boy and girl twins my mum used to child-mind for, playing together in one of those kiddie-car things.
They were maybe 4 or 5, and suddenly, she shouts at him while he’s inside the car ‘YOURE DRIVING IT WRONG WOMAN!!!!’
I’m guessing she picked up the exact phrase from her dad.”
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