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18 People Muse On Some Terrible Things To Say On A First Date

Dating is hard work, and if we’re being honest with ourselves, we’ve all made a gaff or three in our time that probably cost us a second date.

Being a human is hard, and sometimes our mouths get going without checking first with our brains.

If you’re wondering what some of the worst things people have said or heard on a first date, though, these 18 people are getting real.

18. Uncomfortable to say the least.

Hitler wasn’t wrong you know.

I met these gentleman for the first time and one guy leans in unprompted toward the end of the evening and says, “you know why Hitler tried to exterminate the Jews, right?… oh, wait… none of you are Jewish, right?”

Everyone was uncomfortable… wild.

17. Sad and funny.

“I’m not technically divorced though because I can’t find my wife in order to divorce her. She was my mail order bride from Slovakia and I brought her here so she could get her green card and then she took off.”

True story.

16. None of your business.

“How much do you make in a year?”

Have you been keeping up with your Kegels?

15. Is that good or bad?

My ex had bigger breasts.

14. What is the matter with people?

“Wow you have a flat butt. Good thing you’re not that ugly at least.”

13. Disease is a thing.

Don’t worry, we don’t need a condom, it’s non transmissible!

I can’t believe how many dudes have claimed to be sterile to argue against using a condom.

I know THREE girls that believed that s*%t and had a kid.

12. You cannot be serious.

“The trebuchet is not the best way to launch a 90 kilogram object 300 metere away.”

Or maybe

“What’s long, hard, full of cum, and makes all the ladies scream? wink wink”

” The sock under my bed.”

11. How to get slapped on a first date.

“You shouldn’t eat so much”

10. Stop it.

“Sorry I’m late. I’m still drunk from last night, so it took longer to drive.”

We met at around 7pm for dinner.

9. Maybe just dip a toe in first.

I got set up with a girl. When I picked her up I said, “I know it’s cliche, but tell me about yourself.”

First thing out of her mouth: “My dad is gay and left my mom and I when we were 5.” That was the high point of the date.

That segued into a rant about the last guy she dated that ended in, “That’s why I won’t date anyone who hasn’t graduated from high school.” (We were mid 20s at the time.)

The pizza place she wanted to go to was a buffet inside a gas station that turned my stomach so much I just drank soda the whole time.

She talked about how smart she was because she read books instead of watching TV and was responsible because she could hold down a job in retail.

8. Just say no.

Did you know 50% of all people are into extremely kinky shit.

And I’m not…so tell me about yourself.

7. I have questions.

Ah, my next victim.

Heard that on a first date and it turned into second longest relationship I had. Even thought of reconneting when shes out of prison.

6. Thank you?

Actual statement (circa 1980) from my mother’s large male coworker genuinely trying to make a compliment: “You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.”

5. I’ll just pay, then.

“Ok, I’ll pay for dinner but I expect that you’ll put out.”

This happened to me.

When he tried to make a move on me and i said no thank you he said “well i paid for dinner its the least you could do”

…i then didnt go on another date for 3 years.

4. I’m not falling for that again!

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

3. Um, no thanks.

I went on a date once with a guy who kept repeating and repeating and repeating “I don’t care that you’re fat,” “it’s ok that you’re fat,” “I don’t mind fat women,” etc.

He was totally trying to convince himself. Didn’t work on either of us.

2. Also…

“I know everything about women. I knew a girl in high school, her mother was a courtesan in the old country. She taught her daughter everything there was to know about pleasing a man and how to be a good lover.

The girl told me and now I’m an expert on women. Also, you should really start intermittent fasting.”

1. That’s a cat person for you.

My therapist says I need to move out of my comfort zone and meet new people, I think it’s because she’s worried if I die in my home no one will find me before my cats eat me.

Y’all, suddenly I’m feeling a whole lot better about myself.

How about you? Have you accidentally said something that belongs on this list? Heard something? Tell us about it in the comments!