You might not get all of these jokes at first.
You’ll probably get some, and you might have to google a few others, but it’ll be worth it.
This list does finally answer the question we’ve all been asking: “Can a smart joke still be dumb?”
The answer is absolutely yes. But they’re also still funny:
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.”
He doesn’t react.
#2. The Photon
A Photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage.
The Photon replies, “No. I’m traveling light”
This sentence contains exactly threee erors.
An organic chemist, an analytical chemist, and a physical chemist are asked if a certain horse will win today’s race.
The organic chemist asks what the horse has been eating and what drugs were given to it.
The analytical chemist asks for the makeup of the track and mud.
The physical chemist starts with, “If we assume that the horse is a sphere…”
#5. A German in a Bar
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini.
The bartender asks, “Dry?”
He replies, “Nein, just one.”
Your mother is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.
#7. Computer Counting
There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
#8. Joyce/Joist, Girder/Goethe
An Irishman goes to a building site for his first day of work, and a couple of Englishmen think, “Ah, we’ll have some fun with him!”
So, they walk up and say, “Hey, Paddy! As you’re new here, make sure you know a joist from a girder…”
“Ah, sure, I knows” says Paddy, “‘Twas Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust.”
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
If this sentence is true, then Santa Claus exists.
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None: the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
#12. Fucking Mathematicians…
An engineer and a physicist are lost in a hot air balloon drifting down a canyon somewhere.
While the physicist is trying to use the angle of the sun to figure out how long they have to find help until night falls, the engineer shouts, “Hey! Where are we?”
A few hours later, they hear a voice… “You’re in a hot air balloon.”
The physicist then remarks, “That must have been a mathematician.”
“Because, the answer was both completely correct yet entirely useless”
A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of that delicious New England seafood that he’d long heard about.
So, he gets into a cab and asks the driver, “Can you take me to where I can get scrod?”
The driver replies, “I’ve heard that question a thousand times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive.”
So this classics professor goes to a tailor to get his pants mended.
The tailor asks: “Euripedes?”
The professor replies, “Yes. Eumenides?”
#15. Stole that joke
People often accuse me of “stealing others jokes” and “being a plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine…
#16. “I am the Walrus?”
Lenin’s tomb is a communist plot.
#17. Dead Language Joke
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
“You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
#18. Two Types
There are two types of people in the world: Those who crave closure