#10. If…
If this sentence is true, then Santa Claus exists.
#11. Revolution!
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None: the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
#12. Fucking Mathematicians…
An engineer and a physicist are lost in a hot air balloon drifting down a canyon somewhere.
While the physicist is trying to use the angle of the sun to figure out how long they have to find help until night falls, the engineer shouts, “Hey! Where are we?”
A few hours later, they hear a voice… “You’re in a hot air balloon.”
The physicist then remarks, “That must have been a mathematician.”
“Why?”
“Because, the answer was both completely correct yet entirely useless”
#13. Scrod
A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of that delicious New England seafood that he’d long heard about.
So, he gets into a cab and asks the driver, “Can you take me to where I can get scrod?”
The driver replies, “I’ve heard that question a thousand times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive.”
#14. Puns!
So this classics professor goes to a tailor to get his pants mended.
The tailor asks: “Euripedes?”
The professor replies, “Yes. Eumenides?”
#15. Stole that joke
People often accuse me of “stealing others jokes” and “being a plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine…
#16. “I am the Walrus?”
Lenin’s tomb is a communist plot.
#17. Dead Language Joke
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
“You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
#18. Two Types
There are two types of people in the world: Those who crave closure
