9. This list…jeez.

I was dating a girl who had become incredibly dull and boring to me. I decided to dump her, and just before I could get around to doing so, she told me she was pregnant. I was right pissed off, but I held my cool and thought about it, and told her to give me a few days to come to terms with this. I don’t want kids, and certainly didn’t want to be permanently attached to the vapid girl for life, so after my few days I came back and told her I’d had to think about things, and I’d come to a decision. Now, my GF was a very moralistic person who was totally against abortion as she considered it murder. I told her that I had a family history of severe genetic disorders (lie), and that I’d spoken to my physician and he’d advised against me ever having kids (lie). She initially wanted to ‘let God handle it’ so she keep to her morals, but I wore her down and convinced her to get an abortion, as that’d be the merciful thing to do. The day came, the deed was done, and she came home. That night, I told her I wanted sex (which she obviously couldn’t have, seeing as she’d just had the procedure that day), and guilted her into letting me fuck her in the ass, which was something she swore she’d never do. After that was done, the next morning I told her I couldn’t be with her anymore as I felt terrible guilt over the abortion, and she reminded me of that guilt.

10. I just can’t with these people.

I was involved in a drunken fling with a woman I don’t find particularly attractive at one point a few years ago. She was one of those women who acts slutty at parties / etc, probably out of a lack of self-esteem and has severe personal issues. For the next two years I proceeded to only be nice to her when I was horny, and then basically ignore her after that, being rude and curt with her whenever we spoke. After two years of this, she got a clue and decided that she ought to move on, quit dealing with me, and got a boyfriend. This annoyed me, since she was my plaything. Keep in mind, I didn’t particularly like this woman or find her attractive. So I got in touch with her, and over a period of a couple months went from acting friendly to convincing her I had been a victim of emotional issues during our previous interactions, and that I was better now. I convinced her that I was in love with her. Around this time, she found out that she was pregnant by her boyfriend. I still managed to talk her into leaving him one night when she was over visiting me. She phoned him up while I was sitting on the couch, and broke up with him. I got her to have sex with me that night, and the next day told her I felt awful for making her leave her child’s father, that I’d made a mistake, and that we shouldn’t see each other again.

He never took her back, and while she at least had a job and some future before all this, now she’s a single mother on welfare living in some shit area of town. To this day, she still tries to talk to me sometimes, since she feels that I am one of her ‘only real friends’. Her life is what I’ve made it into.

It makes me smile.

11. Rough

I told my biological mother that “just because you got laid doesn’t make you a Mom.”

12. He just wanted to “grow some fucking plants”

When I was like 9 years old, we were making forts in the rainforest and stumbled into this guys pot patch. Being the idiots we were, we took it to our mom and she called the cops. The dude ended up getting 10 years. Now that I understand the context, and how bullshit it all is, I feel perpetually bad for what I did even though it was in ignorance. All the dude wanted to do was grow some fucking plants.

13. The Worst Friend Ever

When I was 19 I began smoking pot, in a bad way, and dropped out. I moved back in with my parents and a buddy moved in to. We spent that winter getting high and chilling. In February he invited a girl over named Sam. I feel in love with her, and he was dating so I figured she was mine. We texted all the time and Kyle, the guy whom moved in, said she really liked me. Sam went back to CO for college and I continued my lust and she continued hers, or so I thought.

An opportunity arose to go to CO to pick up a car and that would put me near her so I was going to visit. Kyle decided to come along for the trip. We made it to Fort Collins, CO and hung out with her. On the second day I told her my feelings and she said she like Kyle. I was like WTF, he’s dating another chick. Well it turned out that didn’t matter to him and they began to hook up while I was there. I left a day later and he came with.

When we got back to Atlanta, he was forced to move out by my dad for being lazy and I happened upon a job and moved out. We maintained a relationship but I was pissed at him. When my lease ran up he offered to move into a place with me and split the rent. He was living with a different girl and she was there too. I needed revenge for that shit.

I slowly fucked with their relationship, I would bring back in the trash on his days, keep the litter dirty, basically undo all of his chores to piss Kahla off. There was rising tension and they both turned to me for advice, so I gave the worst I could. I told Kyle to be himself because he didn’t need her shit and it was better for him. I also told Kahla to be less supportive and with hold sex to try to get him straight.

Well, Kyle left to Bama with his friends one weekend and Kahla went up to her friends too. I found Kyles phone was left at the apartment. I began texting Kahla and saying that he was cheating on her, but from his phone. She got pissed, and her ex showed up thanks to a MySpace message I sent him from her account. They fucked and he managed to get Kyles number. He told Kyle all about how they fucked and he dumped her hard. She tried to say he cheated too and she had messages from him, but he just blew her off.

I had done it, I got her to cheat on him, him to dump her and wreck both of their lives royally. I wasn’t done yet however, I had one year of college left and told Kyle I’d help him start anew in anther city if he wanted to move with me to my new job location. He agreed.

I let him live rent free until he found a job. It took him two months but he got a job in retail and started to pay a bit of rent. I begun to work towards getting him fired. I would call the complaint line and leave complaints about how he kept coming on to me while working. He eventually got fired and when he came home and told me, I kicked him out for losing his job. He couldn’t find a job and begun to live on the street. Last I heard he was using meth and living in a shelter.

14. I mean…you did warn him.

Rewind to 1992, my freshman year in high school. I’m going to a new private school and wasn’t doing too well at making friends. In fact, I was regularly tormented on the bus to school. There was one guy in particular that refused to leave me alone. I’ll just cut it short by saying he was extremely antagonistic.

Well, at some point in the school year I got stuck doing a video in history class with this asshole and a few other people. Since we both had the same cameras we were both in charge of video taping the assignment. We had to swap the tape back and forth a few times. At the end of the project he took the tape home and made a final edit to vhs. We submitted the final product and probably got a crappy grade.

This is where it gets interesting… I wanted my original tape back that he had used for editing. After months of harassing him for it he finally gave me the tape. Took it home and decided to show the whole family our video. So it was me, my 5 year old brother and my parents all sitting around the tv… Pop the tape in and quickly realize that this was not the right tape. It opened to someone’s basement. We hear someone fidgeting in the background who then enters the frame… nude… jacking off. The fucker video taped himself jacking off.

Once we realized what was happening my mom screamed out in hysterics, hardly able to contain herself. I popped the tape out to spare my little bro, but I immediately realized I had absolute gold in my hand.

The next day I went to school and the usual antagonism started. I very abruptly told him that he had better back off… that I had something he would never want anyone to see… something that was on the tape he gave me. I wouldn’t hesitate to give everyone in the school a copy if he didn’t back the fuck off.

Well, he said I was full of shit and elevated the antagonism. Long story short, I found a girl that hated him equally and gave her the tape. She made a vhs copy and told our whole grade about it. During lunch break our whole class (about 70+ people) gathered in a class room and played the tape. That day a legend was born: Dancin’ Danzis. The entire school found out, all the parents found out and emergency meetings were called to find a way to deal with the situation. Ultimately, the parents and school decided to do nothing, to my great satisfaction. The humiliation I imposed on this loser was so satisfying, I never thought it could feel so good.

I hope he still lives with this shame today.