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Listen, I love the serious questions on Reddit. They really make you think, and even look at the world in a different way.
Some days, though, I’m just in the mood for a lark – which is when I love reading people’s responses to “what would you rename America if you could.”
Bring you sense of humor and let’s go!
20. If you know…
Bonerland.
It’s a great reference, AND it would hopefully make some inroads into ending this country’s absurd puritanical mindset
19. Very succinct.
The Unites States of States.
18. It is a cool name. Except we’re not an island.
Turtle Island.
It’s what some native people called America, also the world. Also it’s a cool name.
17. Chaotic neutral.
Aremica just because I think it’s a minor enough change that will cause the most chaos.
16. How to anger an American.
South Canada or north Mexico.
Canada’s pants.
Mexico’s neckbeard.
15. We’re getting there.
The Untied States of America.
14. These just roll off the tongue.
Central Canico?
Central Mexada?
13. Nailed it.
I’d sell the naming rights to the highest bidder, which I think is pretty darn American.
And the rights go back up for bid every 10 years.
12. It does have a nice ring to it.
Usonia!!! I think I read somewhere that this was an initially pitched name for the U.S, but got turned down for some reason.
I would love it if we were called Usonians instead of Americans, as that leads to confusion regarding fellow non-U.S Americans.
11. This sounds right.
I like to say that if the states in the US were named today, they’d be named after corporations instead of people, Native American words, etc.
So instead of being from Texas, I’d most likely be from Exxon Mobil AT&T American Airlines State. That just rolls right off the tongue.
10. Done and done.
United States of Kevin.
9. Who doesn’t love to do that?
New York, New York simply to irritate New Yorkers.
8. It would be a toss up.
country mccountry face
Country McGun Race
And this is why we can never put that up to a vote.
7. Stephanie, I presume?
Stephanie.
“What’s your nationality?” “I’m Stephanian.”
Stephanese?
6. Y’all stop.
Diabetica.
Obesia.
Fatistan.
5. Americans, am I right?
Thunderdome.
4. Brilliant.
Just “$”.
The nation formerly known as America.
3. A nod to the past.
It was named after Amerigo Vespucci. So I’d go with his last name and call it Vespuccia.
Vespucci looks good on a hat and shirt. I like this one.
2. We do love McD’s.
McBurgistan.
1. But.
Name it out of the greatest national bird: Turkey.
We’ll just say it was our name first and kill anyone who disagrees.
But eventually we’ll let people from the existing Turkey call themselves “Native Turks” so it’s ok.
Y’all, why are these so perfect?
Drop your own submissions in the comments!
