18. Impatient

“My mom was watching over my great-grandfather in the hospital. He’d been unresponsive for a day or so, when suddenly he said: ‘It’s about damn time you got here! I’ve been waiting!’ And then he died.”

19. Trying

“My first code as a nurse was of a middle aged mother who we think ended up having a brain bleed. I was trying to check her vitals and she was super agitated (and had been all day- she managed to bend her IV pole somehow). She was ripping her gown off, and the sheets off the bed, and she’d yanked her heart monitor off. I was trying to start a blood transfusion, but needed to get her vitals beforehand, which was impossible because she wouldn’t stay still long enough for any of it to read. I’d given her a sedative (for what we thought was anxiety), and I was praying it would kick in soon.

She kept grabbing my arm saying ‘Come here. Look at me! Help me!’ with fear in her eyes that I will never forget. I’m pretty sure I snapped back, ‘I’m trying!’ which I of course wish was something comforting instead. Then she leaned back, her eyes got droopy, she shut her mouth, then snapped her eyes wide open but totally glossed over. She took one last breath as a coworker was helping me while I called the code.”