16. Pretty brutal
Was waiting for my daughter to get her coat and boots on at daycare and another little girl walked up to me. She was probably about six.
She told me her parents got a divorce so she was just like my daughter now. I nodded at her and then I got this gem.
“I get to go one week with my mommy and one week with my daddy. Today I go with my daddy. He has a new girlfriend and shes WAY WAY WAY more pretty than my mom. I wish my mom was as pretty as my daddy’s girlfriend.”
I just cringed.
15. Sobering
“Daddy, do you think if you drank less you wouldn’t have all those marks on your face?”
For Christ’s sake. This was from my two year old daughter just a few days ago.
For the record, I’ve been sober for about a month and am heavily scarred, including on my face.
14. Backhanded compliments
A couple weeks ago my fiance and I got into an argument and my 9 year old step daughter told me, “You aren’t the best boyfriend, but you are a really good dad.”
Simultaneously made me really proud and feel really shitty.
13. He’s probably right
This wasn’t said to me but when we were in a waiting room, my young brother who was approximately 6, said to an elderly woman, “You’re gonna die sooner.”
12. Monkey see, monkey do
I’ve been a bit short tempered lately (stress from work, expenses etc), but I thought I was keeping it under control.
Today, while they were goofing around, my wife asked our 3 yr old son ‘Is dada a cheeky monkey?’ He said ‘No, dada angry monkey.’
It’s been a few hours since this happened, but I’m still feeling a mix of surprised, ashamed and sad.
11. Hang ups
I called up my daughter and the grandson came running to the phone, “Is that Am’ma?”.
Phone is handed over.
“Hey, Am’ma, can you come over to my house right now?”
“No, honey, I have class tonight, then work tomorrow.”
Hears phone moving.
“Just hang up on her” as he hands the phone back to his mom.
10. To the gym!
My 4yo said to my Portuguese wife who was pregnant at the time and hormones were all jacked up, “mommy why is your lip fuzzy.”
I never saw her leave that quickly for the salon.
She also said to me. “Daddy I like cuddling with you because you are soft and squishy like a bear.”
To the gym I go!!
9. Purple headed monster
My dad is a hardass lawyer that always thinks he’s right.
He dyed his hair for a long time and it always kind of looked purple in the sun. I told him a million times that it looked purple and he never believed me.
One day at said tennis courts a little five year old walks up to him and asks “why is your hair purple?”. He dyed it a different color the next day.
We still laugh about it.
