Just about everybody has a good/weird “meet the parents” yarn to spin.

But does yours involve death or an involuntary pelvic exam?

These 22 tales from AskReddit are especially weird, effed-up, awkward, and all-around especially fun to read:

#22. “Aaaawwwkkkkkwwwarrrrrd”

“I walked in the house to meet my boyfriend’s parents.

Literally the first words out of his mother’s mouth were, “Hooo damn she’s got birthin’ hips son. Marry that girl and give me some grandkids!”

Aaaawwwwkkkkkwwwarrrrrrd.”

#21. “Dipping winkies”?!

“His mom asked us if we were “dipping winkies” (please bear in mind I’m a female) and said if he ever needed condoms, for us to tell her we’re “hungry for Hardee’s,” and she’d know what we meant and wouldn’t have to explain further, and that she would either give us money for, or go out and buy us, condoms.

I was fourteen at the time. Found out years later that she became pregnant and had an abortion at thirteen, she didn’t want us to have to make that decision, so she really was just trying to be helpful.

But it was a little much the very first time meeting her.”

#20. “Turns out, it was all in my head.”

“My now wife is a (legal) Mexican immigrant and so are her family. She is 5’2″ on a good day. I’m 5’10”. I assume that her family is small in stature like she is, and maybe a stereotyped version of Mexicans that I envisioned.

Nope. I meet her ham-fisted father who I find out was a Federale, a Boxer and a Bodyguard in Mexico in the ’70s and ’80s is 6’4″ 260.

So I am introduced as her “friend” because she has told me her father is very strict and she wasn’t allowed to date in high school.

Now at this time we are in our 20s. I sit on the couch and they are all watching a George Lopez comedy special. I don’t want to laugh at all the Mexican jokes because I didn’t want to offend anyone. Her older brother turns to me and says “You don’t think this is funny?” I squeak out a feeble response and he leaves me alone.

Turns out it was all in my head, I had some misconceptions and false expectations, and was a bit racist. But now, some 8 years later they are the best in-laws one could want.”

#19. Topless

“My mom likes to walk around topless. This was an issue when I lived at home.

My first serious boyfriend in college walked in for our Thanksgiving dinner and my mom is vacuuming topless. She screams, “HIIIII EXBOYFRIENDS NAME” and he goes “hi!…” And I watch as he turns around slowly with this look of fear in his eyes.

From where I was standing I couldn’t see her, and he walks up to me and says “your mom is topless.” My dad and I walk into the room and I bust out laughing, and my dad tells her to go put on a shirt.

The second time another ex and I walk in, and once again this woman isn’t wearing a shirt. He tries to act natural and says hello then goes to another room.

Every time this happens my mom screams, “ONCE YOU’VE SEEN ONE BOOBIE YOU’VE SEEN THEM ALL!!!!” in a very excited fashion.”

#18. Always knock first

“When I got there, his father wasn’t yet home from work so we decided to go for a walk.

Boyfriend’s mother told us to be back to the house by 5, so we were playfully racing each other back so as to make it in time.

I got to the door a few paces ahead of him, opened the door, and found myself face-to-face with his dad who was standing stark naked in front of the door.

I turned around and hid around the corner, the father kind of yelped and ran down the hall, and we were both mortified.

Turns out he came home and was getting ready to shower when the phone rang, so he answered it naked since he hadn’t expected us back yet.”

#17. “About five minutes later…”

“Met the father at bf’s hockey game. He was sweet and bought me a hot chocolate and himself a coffee.

About 5 minutes later he gets booted from the arena for arguing with a ref and throwing his coffee at the refs face.”

#16. “We all know what happened.”

“Sitting at dinner with the girlfriend and her parents (just met them 10 minutes earlier) having casual conversion when I sneeze-farted.

I tried to play it cool but we all knew what happened.

The worst part was about 30 seconds after it happened, after everyone had moved on, when the smell crept in.”

#15. Better not break up with that one.

“The first time I met my fiancée’s mother, we had to walk past her to go to his bedroom. I said hi, she said hi, and that was it. We were more formally introduced in the morning.

But the next time we saw each other I came stumbling drunk into the house, told her how much I loved Buffy (she was watching it), and had a 5-minute conversation with their dog about how soft he was.

Two-and-a-half-years later, she’s going to be my mother in law. And when her son and I were having a pretty serious argument a while ago she said to him, “If you break up with her, I’m trading you for her.”‘

#14. It just keeps getting worse: The Epic.

“My ex-boyfriend wanted me to meet his parents, and he told me they wanted to meet me too. We decided to drive up to their place for Thanksgiving.

I’m white, and he and his parents are Chinese. I normally wouldn’t mention this, but apparently my whiteness made them not approve of me, and therefore not actually want to meet me. I didn’t know they didn’t want to meet me, otherwise I wouldn’t have driven six hours and showed up at their house.

When we knocked on their door, his mother answered, looked at me and said (in Cantonese) “I told you not to bring the white girl here”. More was said in Cantonese (I understood none of it).

To save money, his parents did not have the boiler on, nor did they have heat in the house. Not having a boiler meant not having hot water, and therefore not having showers. To remedy this, they had a membership at 24 Hour Fitness, where they went every night to have a shower.

They insisted that we go to 24 Hour Fitness for a shower, literally 15 minutes after showing up at their house. 24 Hour Fitness has communal showering. I’m absolutely terrified of communal showering.

I had to get naked with my boyfriend’s mother, 15 minutes after meeting her. At that point, she had never spoken a word to me in English. The first actual communication she showed me was to thrust a hairdryer in my hands.

Anyway, the next few days were excruciatingly uncomfortable. Next to nothing was said in English at all, and I felt like everybody hated me. I spent several days just being as quiet, submissive, and polite as possible. I was sent to his mother’s garden to pull weeds in the sun for a few hours, and after that she apparently began liking me.

Later in the week, she decided I needed a checkup at the doctor (for what reason, I don’t know). Turns out she scheduled me for a vaginal exam.

I explained to her that I was not comfortable with any of this. It was horrible and embarrassing.”