#9. Keep It Classy, MIZZOU


“It was homecoming night in Columbia, Missouri where The University of Missouri is located. I’m a 2 am run to an apartment complex I often visit in my line of work. The order was an extra large cheese pizza. I arrive at my customers door and knock. No answer. I knock again. no answer. As I’m dialing the customers number her neighbor walks out of his place. He asks me if she was responding and I told him no. He told me that she often orders food and then passes out. He goes ahead and opens her door and to no surprise she is passed out face first on the couch with her boob hanging out. He asks me how she paid for it and I told him it was on her credit card. He signs the receipt and gives me a fat tip. He then proceeds to open the pizza box and takes a huge bite out of two slices of pizza. He plants the two slices on his neighbors chest and then hurls the rest of the pizza across the living room. To this day I wonder what that poor girl thought we she woke up the next day. And that my friends is my best pizza story.”

#10. That Time I Was Mistaken for a Serial Rapist

“I once went to an apartment complex, found the correct apartment number and knocked on the door but no answer. I could see a light on and saw someone moving around inside. I knocked several times but no answer. I went back out to my car to head back and realized I was at the wrong building. Oops… happens sometimes. So I walk over to the correct building and deliver the pizza. As I come around the building heading back to my car I am surrounded by police cars and police men. Turns out the apartment I was first knocking on was a girl that had been attacked by the towns serial rapist the night before. I felt so horrible. The police escorted me back to work and my boss had to verify that I was an employee and damn I was scared. But mostly I just felt so awful for that poor girl. I really had no idea and just fucked up to this day I’m really sorry for scaring that girl.”

#11. The Un-Ribbed Condoms Were on Sale, OK?

“I went to take an order to this one apartment and as I got to the door, I heard a guy yell, ‘ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHY DID YOU GET THE CAFFEINE-FREE COKE YOU KNOW I HATE IT!!?’ Immediately afterwards I heard a woman loudly say, ‘They were on sale, just like them unribbed condoms you got yesterday that you know I hate.’ I had to keep myself from bursting into laughter, so I ran down the hall to try and get it together and finish the delivery.”