Sometimes trying to be sexy just comes off as crazy – which should say something about sexiness, I think. In this AskReddit thread, men share the different ways women thoroughly freaked them out.
1. Ew ew ew!
“I like your shirt, even better when I just touched it with my licked hand.”
2. Gonna nope right outta this one
Sent me pictures of myself through my window from her parked car outside my apartment. The kicker was it was from an unknown number as she was using a third party messaging app.
She thought she was being cute, but it creeped the holy hell out of me.
3. Getting mixed signals here.
Run into a girl I knew at the bar, we get to talking. She asks if I’m single these days, I say yeah. She writes her number on a napkin and says, “Call me this weekend.” Then she leans in, whispers: “I’m gonna make you wish you were never born.”
To this day I still wonder what the hell she meant by that, but damned if I was going to find out…
4. Buckle in for this one
A girl reached out to me on FB who lived in my neighborhood, said she was looking for friends, and asked to meet up. Being new to the hood myself I said sure. We met at a bar and she just had a nasty personality, and complained about everything.
I tried to be nice about having other plans and needing to go, but she followed me. I awkwardly let her tag along to a friend’s house. When we arrived, within ten minutes my friends soured on her and the host pulled me aside and said, you gotta get her out of here.
I offered to drive her back to her house, and when we arrived she asked me to come in. I politely declined, and she she said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I had no desire to do any such thing, so I said thanks but no thanks.
Then she said she wasn’t getting out of the car unless I came inside. After more deliberation I said ok and followed her to her door. She had a picket fence with a gate out front, so as soon as she went through the gate I closed it and ran back to my car.
She started yelling and screaming at me and tried to open the doors, which I had quickly locked. I tried to pull out of the space, but she blocked me in. I backed up onto the curb to get around her, and she pushed in my side mirrors and bent my antenna, screaming obscenities as I peeled out.
5. Points for originality?
“Can I smell your hat?”
cautiously hands over hat
“Oh yeah. Yup. What are you doing Saturday?”
6. To each their own
She said she wanted to milk me. For those asking yes I did let her.
7. JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!
I was at a club with some friends and we were just casually dancing on the floor when a girl came up and joined us. I could tell that she was into me by the way she gave me looks and danced towards me all the time, she wasn’t too bad looking but I just wasn’t that interested in hooking up with someone that night and I also started to feel that something was kinda off about her (she was by herself btw). I was wearing a snapback that night and eventually she pulled the over-used “stealing the boy’s hat to show that I’m interested” move. I didn’t mind it at first, but soon my friends wanted to move on, so I grabbed my hat back from the girl and followed my friends.
10 seconds later she ran up behind me and snatched my hat again and ran off. At this point I’m starting to get irritated. I didn’t run after her but I walked around the crowd and eventually I sneaked up behind her and grabbed the hat back and walked away. She immediately took it back and ran away to another dance floor. This time I ran after her and managed to catch up with her and stop her and I just said “Seriously, just give me back my hat!”
Prior to this moment she was acting all giggly and innocent but when I said that her face just went [wild] and she looked like a demon and she REFUSED to let the hat go. So I yanked it back really hard from her and with the same possessed looking face as before she just flipped me off and walked away.
8. Quintessential high school nerd behavior
In high school I played in the marching band, and before practice everyone hung out in the music classroom. I’m just hanging out in my chair, and out of nowhere some girl sits in my lap, puts her hand on my cheek and whispers, “I choose you!” She said it like Ash said it to Pikachu so that threw me off.
Also she had a cheeto in her hand like a cigar which threw me off. I didn’t know what to say but I got a strong urge to eat cheetos so I got a bag from the vending machine. Man they were good. They were the spicy kind too!
9. The poor husband!
I used to drive a limo (well, a sedan service, but it wasn’t a stretch). I picked up a rich, drunk, middle-aged couple, and the woman got her face up between the front seats and stared at me for a few minutes, then she said, “So, do you wanna fuck tonight?”
I didn’t say anything, pretending she was not talking to me, and I met her husband’s eyes in the mirror. He was just rolling his eyes and shaking his head sadly. When we arrived at their resort, the bellmen had to literally drag her out of the car.
10. Go for it bro!
After I lost all this weight, I had a customer approach me and tell me his wife found me very attractive, and would I like to come home with them after work and have sex with her. She was standing like 10 feet away. When I looked at her she nodded at me. Seriously had no idea what to do.
11. Girl, no.
I was in a crowded bar on Saint Paddy’s day in downtown Minneapolis, and a woman tripped me. Like stuck her foot out. I tripped over it. I spilt my beer, and then she said “Sorry, I just wanted to get your attention, I didn’t know you would fall. Let me buy you another drink.”
12. Neither them had any idea of what they were doing
When I was in high school I had a girl hit on me by saying how much she liked my ears. I was sat playing computer games waiting for my mum to turn up. I’m like “uh, oh, okay.” Going right back to whatever flash game I was playing. She asked if she could take a picture of them. I just sort of let out a “uhhhh, okay?” And she did. I slyly messaged my mum, asking how far away she was. As soon as she got there I up and left, saying “bye” as I briskly walked away not waiting for a response.
I didn’t realise she was hitting on me until like 4 months later and we started dating. She didn’t know how to flirt, and I had no idea what it was like to be flirted with.
13. It’s cute and then it’s not
She gave me seeds. Vegetable seeds. Beans, cucumbers, tomatoes… For our future home garden.
14. You want sex with that?
When I was a bouncer at a dive bar during an incredibly cold winter, I had a woman sit in the booth closest to the door where I had to be, and fellate each and every fry of an entire large basket of fries while attempting to hold my eye contact. I mean, I could see someone doing that on one or two fries, while trying to be sexy. It’s a little weird, but whatever. But she sat down and fellated about a pound and a half of fries. Sucking and licking each one, while staring straight at me. She did not have the “coy glance” down at all. And it went on for over a half hour. And I was a captive audience, because I had to be at the door, and it was like 8 degrees outside.
15. Ugh this is so offensive
There was a girl in a college class I was in who would talk to me about assignments and a few topics we had in common. So one day she asked me out to get dinner, and I politely declined. When pressed about it I responded that I’m gay and prefer men. Her response “I’ve turned guys before and I can turn you.” Not how that works.
16. NOOO STOP
She wrote smut poetry about having a three way with my brother and me.
Then she read it to my entire high school during a school wide poetry recital in the auditorium.
17. Thou shalt not steal
Back in college, around 1995 or so, this girl I was in a class with became friendly with me. I wasn’t all that attracted to her, but she was cool and funny.
One day she comes to class and talks about how her stereo’s tape player was broken and she couldn’t play any tapes. I offer to lend her mine. She gets really happy when I tell her. She says that she just needs my tape deck for a couple of nights. Fine, whatever. The next time we have class together, I bring in my tape deck.
She takes my tape deck home and I don’t hear from her for a week or so. Finally I ask about my tape deck in class and she dodges my question. I’m starting to get worried. She’s had my tape deck for a week now and I miss being able to play tapes.
After another week, with her being really friendly to me the whole time, I ask when I’m going to get my tape deck back.
She just smiles coyly. Then she says, “I’m not giving you your tape player back until you ask me out.”
Uhhh. No. I’m not attracted to her; she’s cool, but I’m not interested in going out with her. Plus which, that’s emotional blackmail – knowing that she was capable of that is a huge strike in the minus column. I wouldn’t want to go out with someone so manipulative.
Long story short, she steadfastly held on to my tape deck for months while we became better friends. Soon she introduced me to some of her friends and I hit it off with one of them. I started dating her and it made tape-deck-hostage girl furious. She got really jealous. Eventually she returned my tape deck tearfully. She stopped hanging out with me shortly thereafter, we stopped having classes together, and I gradually stopped dating her friend, too.
18. This isn’t cute, this is illegal
In middle school there was this girl that used to crush on me hard. I had no attraction to her, so it was mostly just her pestering me constantly.
Well one night, while I was out with some friends. She broke into my house and taped over a hundred pictures of her face photoshopped to have her and I together all over my walls. She thought it was the cutest thing in the world, but I hated her after that, and my parents called the cops.
19. “The girl did her homework”
When I was a 24 year old ski instructor, a married sixteen-year old girl told me she wanted to sleep with me. I told her that a) She was married, b) she was underage, and c) the last thing I wanted to do was get a teenage girl pregnant.
She came back a few weeks later with documentation proving she was on the pill, her divorce papers, and photocopied excerpts from a law book clarifying that age of consent laws do not apply when a person is married or has been married.
The girl did her homework.
20. Right over his head
High school. A friend of mine and I used to send notes back and forth as a common occurrence. One day a bit of anatomy showed up in one of the notes in the form of fingers opening a vagina. Asked her what it was about, and she played it off as practicing for art class.
I was not an intuitive lad.
21. Awkward on so many levels
Well it was her grandfather’s funeral, and she very clearly and openly started trying to flirt with me, before they had even lowered him into the ground. Everyone grieves their own way I guess.
22. Not for me, no thank you
I was out with some friends at a bar once, and this older lady in her like late 40’s starts hitting on me, I try to politely decline her advances several times before snapping and saying, “Look you’re the same age as my mother, I’m not interested.” she responds with, “You can call me mama.” Not sure if the vomit was because I drank too much or just general disgust.
23. Kiss ‘n go.
Last day of high school as a senior, I had been involved in the school plays as the dude who changed sets during them.
One of the other stage hands came up to me (I’m 6’4”) and she put her hands on my shoulders (she was pretty short), put her feet on top of my feet, and tried to pull herself up to my face to kiss me. I recoiled, she gave up and left and never spoke to me again.
So that was kind of odd and out of nowhere.
24. Yeah, that’s weird
I was living abroad at China. Was at the club. Really cute girl comes up to me, “Hi, do you speak Chinese?”
My Chinese was terrible but of course I said, “Yes.”
“Okay, cool. I’m Japanese. I think my friend just got drugged and dragged off by some guys. I can’t find her anywhere. Can you describe my friend to the bouncer?”
Fast forward, me talking to the bouncers in super terrible Chinese describing this woman for a solid 20 minutes. Fast forward am like fuck it. Lets just go look for your friend. Can’t friend her in the club. Suggest we look outside
Once, we get out she states, “2 things, 1st your Chinese is terrible. 2nd, That was all a lie. I just wanted to talk to you.”
Probably should have been a red flag there, but dated her for a year and some. Was by far the oddest relationship in my life.