9. The poor husband!

I used to drive a limo (well, a sedan service, but it wasn’t a stretch). I picked up a rich, drunk, middle-aged couple, and the woman got her face up between the front seats and stared at me for a few minutes, then she said, “So, do you wanna fuck tonight?”

I didn’t say anything, pretending she was not talking to me, and I met her husband’s eyes in the mirror. He was just rolling his eyes and shaking his head sadly. When we arrived at their resort, the bellmen had to literally drag her out of the car.

10. Go for it bro!

After I lost all this weight, I had a customer approach me and tell me his wife found me very attractive, and would I like to come home with them after work and have sex with her. She was standing like 10 feet away. When I looked at her she nodded at me. Seriously had no idea what to do.

11. Girl, no.

I was in a crowded bar on Saint Paddy’s day in downtown Minneapolis, and a woman tripped me. Like stuck her foot out. I tripped over it. I spilt my beer, and then she said “Sorry, I just wanted to get your attention, I didn’t know you would fall. Let me buy you another drink.”

12. Neither them had any idea of what they were doing

When I was in high school I had a girl hit on me by saying how much she liked my ears. I was sat playing computer games waiting for my mum to turn up. I’m like “uh, oh, okay.” Going right back to whatever flash game I was playing. She asked if she could take a picture of them. I just sort of let out a “uhhhh, okay?” And she did. I slyly messaged my mum, asking how far away she was. As soon as she got there I up and left, saying “bye” as I briskly walked away not waiting for a response.

I didn’t realise she was hitting on me until like 4 months later and we started dating. She didn’t know how to flirt, and I had no idea what it was like to be flirted with.

13. It’s cute and then it’s not

She gave me seeds. Vegetable seeds. Beans, cucumbers, tomatoes… For our future home garden.

14. You want sex with that?

When I was a bouncer at a dive bar during an incredibly cold winter, I had a woman sit in the booth closest to the door where I had to be, and fellate each and every fry of an entire large basket of fries while attempting to hold my eye contact. I mean, I could see someone doing that on one or two fries, while trying to be sexy. It’s a little weird, but whatever. But she sat down and fellated about a pound and a half of fries. Sucking and licking each one, while staring straight at me. She did not have the “coy glance” down at all. And it went on for over a half hour. And I was a captive audience, because I had to be at the door, and it was like 8 degrees outside.

15. Ugh this is so offensive

There was a girl in a college class I was in who would talk to me about assignments and a few topics we had in common. So one day she asked me out to get dinner, and I politely declined. When pressed about it I responded that I’m gay and prefer men. Her response “I’ve turned guys before and I can turn you.” Not how that works.

16. NOOO STOP

She wrote smut poetry about having a three way with my brother and me.

Then she read it to my entire high school during a school wide poetry recital in the auditorium.