16. “Think fast!”
We were both taking a bath one evening. I was scrubbing myself, minding my own business, when my brother stood up and said “think fast!”
I looked up with my mouth kind of open, and I was greeted with a piss stream going straight in my mouth. I jerked my head back and started spitting and coughing, while he just stood there and laughed at me.
17. Attempted Murder
Once when I was about 4 years old I straight up tried to murder my 2 year old brother with a pillow. Almost succeeded too.
18. Just finish it, dude
I find my gf a bit attractive, but not overly so. I don’t particularly like her personality since she acts like a ten year old but I am her first bf and do not want to hurt her by ending it so I act like the best boyfriend ever. Meanwhile I ignore her texts by saying my phone is broken and spend 8 hours a day talking to her best friend, who I think I love. I don’t have the heart to end what I have and I don’t have a chance with the friend because I am helping her get with another guy she likes. I feel like the only reason I am dating this girl is because a mutual friend found out she liked me and talked me up as if I was dying over her and loved her like crazy. I am stuck in a spot I don’t want to be in and I hate how I got here, so I come to you guys to confess how I really am and how depressed this is all making me. Sorry if this doesn’t count truly as a confession, but I really needed to put this somewhere.
19. Fear of Mislabelling
I’m scared of being labelled a child molester/pedophile. You hear every so often about people being falsely accused of doing things to a child, and the possibility of that scares the sh*te out of me. For the record, I’ve never touched one, never want to, never WILL.
20. Whoa…
Today, I got asked to by a homeless person to kill him. Now I feel like I’m in a funk, and have really confused/ disturbed feelings.
21. …is that the reason?
I sleep with my hand in my buttcrack a lot of the time. It’s comfortable.
22. SBD
On a crowded morning subway commute…the beans I ate for dinner caught up with me and I let loose a lethal fart. It was like a gaseous wasabi cloud hit the D train. Sorry folks but if I didnt do it, I would’ve exploded.
23. “I regret nothing”
I had sex with two Bangkok hookers, without a condom. I came inside one of them while the other was sucking my balls. This was the greatest sexual experience of my life, and I regret nothing.
24. Housing…situation
I’m an 18 year old student. Freshman year I lived in the dorms, and this year I’m living off campus. I’m renting an extra room in some woman’s house. It’s a great location – super safe and a 10 minute bike ride to campus. I get my own bathroom and there’s also a pool/hot tub and billiards table.
The woman I’m renting from is like mid 30s. Her husband died a few years ago, so she wanted to rent out a room to help pay the bills. She also has a 13 year old daughter. She wanted someone quiet, would just mind their own business/wouldn’t get in the way, etc. And I was perfect. I basically went, “Yeah, I’m a student, but I’m an engineering student, so I don’t have a life. The only time you’ll see me is when I’m coming/going or in the kitchen.”
She and I started sleeping together. Then at the end of last semester, my cousin bought a house here and offered to let me stay there for free. I told her that I was grateful for everything, but that I’d be moving out.
She offered to let me stay there for free. I think it’s probably because she wants to get laid. I mean, she’s smoking hot so she probably could go out to any bar and bring home a guy, but that might not set the best example for her daughter and she’s really socially awkward.
25. …Dude, self-control
I just went out drinking with my wife and a house guest. We all drank a lot, but apparently I am the only horny one. I started looking at porn on my phone and the next thing I knew I was jerking off in the bathroom which sits dead center of my 600 square foot apartment. They both seem knocked out though, so that’s good I guess 😉
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