16. Wow
The amount of hair they have on their butt. My friend has a lot of body hair, I won’t deny it. But he lets everybody know about it. The worst part he brags about is his butt hair. He has to get naked before pooping to maximize his leg spread. He has to wipe beforehand so his hair is out of the way before he poops. Otherwise he gets dingleberries or hanging chads (whatever you call them) every poop. He brags about this as if it isn’t an annoying aspect to life.
17. Something to brag about
Girl at work brags constantly about having a lot of allergies – to gluten, eggs, lactose, blah blah blah. If there’s one thing on Earth that wasn’t put here to kill her, she doesn’t know about it. But when she explains her allergies to anyone who will listen, she doesn’t go into any detail about it, rather just explains it as “I am really allergic to honey. Like, REALLY allergic.” “I am really allergic to bananas. Like, REALLY allergic.”
18. I’ve met people like this
I play in an adult kickball league. There is this dude who takes it way too serious. Every time we play his team I call him Captain Kickball. One game he got super pissed and started yelling bout how he knows how to play the best. It was priceless. Tool.
19. Not a bad deal?
My ex’s idiot sister used to brag about how she would sleep with her mechanic friend whenever she needed work done on her car. I guess he promised her a “discount.”
20. A class act
The amount of girlfriends they have cheated on.
21. “The greatest”
Our old apartment had a nice homeless guy who spent most of his day and night in the parking lot. He was schizophrenic, but usually he would just tell himself the most amazingly weird stories, drink beer, and he would belt out Beverly Hills by Weezer when it came on the radio (every day). When his stories had him being particularly cool, he occasionally decided, “I may not be smart, and I may not be handsome, but I am the greatest American who ever lived.” I miss hearing him.
22. Overcompensating
How he can live off his parents all his life if he wants to. This kid has definitely failed 80% of his classes. He brags about being the richest kid, and his dad’s Chrysler. He is obnoxious around people, but I honestly think behind all of that stuff that he’s a decent person. Just that he feels the need to over compensate his academic idiocy.
23. Couch potato
Watching 11 seasons of Cheers immediately followed by 11 seasons of Frasier.
24. Serious business
I witnessed a conversation between two women bragging/competing about who woke up earlier to walk their dogs.
25. Sword play
I once knew a guy who would brag about literally anything, provided he got the impression that someone else thought it would be cool. So one day, hanging out with this kid (let’s call him Steve) and a friend, my friend says, “hey, I bet I can get Steve to say that he cut a bird in half with a samurai sword.” A dubious charge, yes, so I took the action.
Later, my friend casually suggests that, since a samurai sword was such an efficient weapon, it would be cool if someone were able to slice up a bird mid-flight with one. Steve immediately piped up, saying “actually dude, one time me and my brother were playing with those in my backyard and…”
26. Way to go!
One kid in grade 8 would always try to break his record for time starting masturbating to finish. One day he came into class and proudly proclaimed “7 SECONDS!” We all knew what he meant. Honestly a lot of us were impressed as well.
27. Creepy
It was unbelievable that he thought it was something to be proud of, but a guy I used to work with bragged that his son had killed a guy. His son was one of the soldiers that was implicit in the death of an Afghan taxi driver that was tortured to death in the early 2000’s. The documentary “Taxi to the Dark Side” is about the entire ordeal.
28. This is great
A coworker bragged about being so wholesome that she had never smoked pot. She did used to huff air duster while pregnant, but never pot.
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