Just so we’re clear, we’re not talking about being shady or being a creep or making someone feel bad with these tricks.
These are just the non-sketchy ways to win friends and influence people! So good luck!
1. Get someone to do you a favor
This is known as the Benjamin Franklin Effect. Franklin said, “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.” Good ol’ Ben apparently used this method to win over someone who didn’t like him when he asked the fella if he could borrow a book. When Franklin got the book, he thanked the man graciously and the two ended up being friends.
The theory goes that if someone is willing to do you a favor, they must rationalize that you’re worth doing a favor for and they’ll decide they like you.
Jedi Mind Trick!
2. Aim high!
The trick: ask for way more than you want and then scale it back later on. If you request something ridiculous of someone, they’ll most likely reject that request. If you return and ask for something less ridiculous (the thing you originally wanted anyway), people will tend to grant you the second request because they’ll feel bad for already turning you down once before. Make sense? Good!
3. Use a person’s name or title
Our name is part of our identity, so to hear other people say it makes us feel good and important. If you use someone’s name, they’re more likely to look at you favorably. The same theory goes for titles. Calling someone “friend,” “buddy,” or “boss” will cause them to view your relationship in that way.
Well, duh. People love to be flattered, as long as you don’t cross the line. People have pretty good BS detectors, so keep it low key and don’t overdo it. Also, people with high self-esteem like to keep that positivity train moving right along, so flattering those folks, in particular, seems to be very positive for both parties.
5. Keep quiet
If someone says something you know is false, DON’T CORRECT THEM. Instead, try a method called the Ransberger Pivot. Here’s how it works: listen intently to what someone has to say, and instead of arguing, try to understand their point of view. Then bring up the common ground you share and use that as a starting point before you launch into explaining your position. This will make people much more likely to listen to your side of things and hopefully the issue will be resolved.
Got all that down? Now get out there and make some friends and influence people!