At some point in our lives, we all have an awkward moment when your parents realize that we’re sexually active. Even though it’s bound to happen someday, it’s still weird for both the parent and the child to acknowledge that reality to each other.
Unless, of course, you’re like me and have just literally never had that conversation. I’m in my 30s, happily married several years now, so obviously they know it’s happening, but we’ve just never actually said anything about it…
How did your parents find out that you had started doing the nasty? Did they ask you? Did you tell them? Do any of your stories top these ones from AskReddit?
1. “Yeah, sure, honey.”
When I was in high school, I told my mom I was going to stay a virgin until I was married. She did a little snort laugh & said, “Yeah, sure, honey.”
When I lost it in college & called her, she said, “I told you so, sweetheart.”
2. Doctored
I had to take her to the doctor. The doctor asked if she was sexually active and she said yes. I suspected but never knew for sure until then. She was 16.
3. “Cleaning”
I found out while I was cleaning his room after he went to college in the fall last year. I had been asking him to clean his room for 10 years and now eminent domain applies.
Threw away notebooks from middle school, so much trash… When I moved his bed I started finding condom wrappers and a few used condoms. My wife was super distraught, but I thought it was hysterical.
4. Emergency Condoms
My son called me before it happened to ask for emergency condoms. I never drove so fast in my life!
My daughter asked to get on birth control as she was thinking about sex. I made the doctor appointment the next day. She decided not to have sex yet but she has the pills available when she is ready.
I don’t freak out. My son is 16 and daughter is almost 14. Because it isn’t taboo they are making good decisions in regards to sex.
5. Good Jeans
When I was in my freshman year of college, my long time girlfriend and I were regularly having sex. Well I tried my best to hide it from my dad and usually hid the condoms away where he would never find them. However, one time I left one of the foil wrappers in a pair of shorts and through them in the washing machine. Well my dad decided he was going to be nice and fold the load (no pun intended) and that’s when he discovered it. When I picked up my load of clothes he acted cool until I was about to leave and says “Oh and glad I passed you my good genes” and handed me the wrapper. It was one of the most unusual experiences of my life.
6. “Will it last longer?”
Went camping for the weekend, leaving my son (17 at the time) at home alone. When we returned, he waited until his mom was inside the house and said, “Dad. I had sex this weekend.” I took a deep breath and asked, “Did you use protection?” He answered yes, and we talked a bit about the circumstances. After all was talked about, he asked, “Dad. One more question. Will it last longer?”…..I tried to not laugh…..
7. “I don’t care you are drunk.”
When she mis texted me saying “of course I will have sex with you, I don’t care you are drunk”. I texted back and said you know you just texted your dad. Long silence, then she said my friends had my phone its just a joke. I was like, well now I know. She was 17 at the time, they are still together. 23 now…
8. Hunting
Photo Credit: Pixabay/CCo
Her parents came home 4 hours earlier than expected THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING and though I hid, we had ordered Jimmy Johns and her parents got very suspicious as to why there were two sandwiches. This led to her angry British father conducting a room-by-room search of the house.
Thankfully I was wearing pants when he found me in their linen closet.
Their parents told us “you guys are stupid but we love you both”, but they still called my parents. I wasn’t allowed to see her for a month. I’m just glad I didn’t die. Her dad likes to hunt… A lot.
9. Medical History
I overheard my mom helping my sister fill out a medical checklist for whatever. Mom was holding the pen and filling out the answers while reading them out loud. She was rushing it because she was bored. Paraphrasing:
Do you have any blood diseases? No. checks a box
Are you allergic to any common foods? No. checks a box
Are you sexually active? No.
Sister quickly interrupts with an awkward but resolute “yes”
Silence
10. Better with time…
Not a parent, but I remember when my mom found out about me losing my virginity. A ”friend” of mine told her (she was/is good friends with his mother). Her reaction was to cry hysterically, she called my brother to comfort her and cried in his arms and I overheard her telling a few of her friends (which made me very mad. What happened to my privacy?)
That all happened about 6 years ago and now she’s very chill about it. But damn did she make me feel terrible, I never expected such a reaction from her.
11. Keep Repeating, and it might come true…
My children are all virgins. So is my granddaughter.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
12. Or maybe it is true…
My parents still think I am a virgin.
Unfortunately, they are correct.
13. “You’re creeping me out, dad!”
My son came to me one night and asked me what I thought about it after having slept with is first girlfriend…As shocked as I was, I will always be grateful for that moment. We had a long conversation on what it really means to be a gentleman, kind and responsible to the other person and their feelings. Much better talk than when I handed him some condoms two years prior and asked “do you know how to use them? I can teach you”…his reply: “you’re creeping me out dad!” I am a lucky dad!!
14. Cliche
Wife worked as a nurse in an ob/gyn office for many months. You’d be frankly amazed at how often this scene plays out:
Young teenage daughter and mother go to the doc to see about some odd gynecological malady. Tests come back positive for STD. Mother looks in shock at daughter and learns her little baby isn’t a virgin anymore.
It’s so common as to be cliche’ed.
15. Does anybody throw away condom wrappers?
My Dad found out when he used my truck to go fishing and found condom wrappers on the seat. My mom found out when she walked in on it because she doesn’t know how to knock and goes straight to popping the door lock with a pin if it doesn’t open.
My nephew was caught when I got my spare truck back from him and he left a condom wrapper in the back seat. So I had to burn the entire vehicle.
Photo Credit: Pixabay/CC0
16. Past Tense
This is how my mom found out my girlfriend was not a virgin anymore. Apparently the dog went into the bathroom and fished a condom out of the trash. Ended up in the hallway or something. My Mom finds it and approaches me. After confirming that it was mine she hits me with this line: “I thought [girlfriend] was a virgin!?” My response: “She was…”
17. Old News
My parents assumed I was having sex long before I actually had sex, because I had a boyfriend quite a bit older than me and we spent a lot of time unsupervised. I got lectures about what a pervert I was for like 4 straight years of my virginity. When I actually slept with someone, my sexual activeness was old news I guess. To everyone but me.
18. X-Boxed
Not a parent, but my mum found out cause I was bragging about it to my mates whilst playing the Xbox 360 back in highschool. My room was right next to the kitchen (just where she was at the time) and she overheard.
Next day she bought me a pack of condoms as her way of letting me know she knew.
