Ah, secrets. They’re terrible to have but delicious to hear about – as long as they have nothing to do with you.
So, sit back and relax, and enjoy the fact that none of these bombshells are gathering anxiety in your closet.
#15. Dank memes.
“That the girl I’m currently dating and beggining a relationship with started messaging me on Facebook because she liked the memes I posted so much. We had never met and she thought I was cute and really funny, so she initiated things. We tell people that we met by being introduced by her sister-in-law. I have no idea who her sister-in-law is, and have only met her a couple of times. Everyone asks “how did you meet?” and we’re too embarrassed to tell the truth about dank memes and her pursuing me as a result.”
#14. I was such an idiot.
“I’m very embarrassed to admit that I’m hurt over this so I haven’t told anyone. I was talking to someone for a few months and turns out, he has a girlfriend he never mentioned. We went on dates, kissed, and finally had sex. Told me he’s working on ending the relationship but can’t right now because it’s complicated. Sounds like bullshit. I don’t want to tell my closest family and friends because I was such an idiot.”
#13. The next best time.
“I bought the ring, I’m just waiting for a good time. Our vacation out of country is coming up but I don’t know how easy it will be to get a very expensive piece of jewelry with me without her noticing so I’m trying to find the next best time to propose.”
#12. A stupid game.
“My gf, her friend, and I went out for mini golfing. I had the score card. I got second and my gf got third, but I botched the numbers and put her as second and me as third. She was jumping up and down excited she beat me for the rest of the day, and even brought it up the next day. I’m very happy my secret could make her this happy, even if just for a little bit over a stupid game.”
#11. It’s the medicine.
“That i’m taking antidepressants. everyone thinks I’ve gotten my shit together on my own. but it’s the medicine that is keeping me going.”
#10. A massive bill.
“When I was about 16, 3-way prank calling was a thing. If you 3-way called someone that person could call someone and on and on.
We had a line party of about 10 or so people. I was feeling bored and 3-way called a fetish porn line which played the introductory message for the whole party who thought it was hilarious.
1-800-WET-FART, 1-800-FAT-LADY, etc etc…
When the phone bill came it reflected a charge of 99 cents for each call I had made.
It was a massive bill.
My mom had no idea it was me. She got the charges removed and I’m glad I never had to explain why her 16 year old daughter was calling those numbers.
Edit The charges were likely from using the 3-way feature I’m not sure. I believe it was free to call the numbers. The numbers still showed up on the phone bill. My mom called the very first number on the bill and it was my friends grandmas house. The lady told her she didn’t have kids in the house. After that my mom dropped it and assumed the “wires got crossed”. Thankfully she never dialed any of the 1-800 numbers.”
#9. I really miss her.
“I still really miss my ex, and nothing in my life has come close to filling that void. The thing is, we had a connection from day one and the relationship was really good and just flowed well. It was such an abrupt ending that I think I’m still in shock. We tried to stay friends, but it didn’t work out (mainly because I was still hurting at the time), and I really miss her.”
#8. Literal decades.
“People used to confide in me who they had crushes on back in elementary school, I have been keeping that shit under wraps for literal decades now.”
#7. He deserves a break.
“I bought my boyfriend tickets to see his favorite NFL team for his birthday. I’ve already got everything set and his boss will let him take the days off. He’s a hard worker and deserves a break.
Hopefully he likes it!”
#6. We just don’t know how.
“My wife an I lost our unborn child 3 weeks ago. We still cant tell our family or friends. We just don’t know how.”
#5. Stuck doing it.
“The one place I deliver to thinks I have Tourettes. About 5 months ago I started a job being a beer delivery driver. My first day on my route I was delivering to a gas station and there was an Utz snack truck ahead of me delivering as well. So I’m standing outside my truck waiting to deliver and being bored I started saying Utz to myself in a weird fast way over and over again (pretty much how a samurai would say it I guess). I turn around and there is the manager of the gas station giving me a weird look. My dumbass thought it was a good idea to keep saying it to make him believe I have this weird tick of saying the word Utz. Even filling out his order for him I would throw in Utz. So I get in my truck and think to myself what the fuck did I just do and start cracking up. So for the past couple months everytime I deliver there I throw out the word Utz every couple sentences then get in my truck and start cracking up. That might make me a shitty person but I’m pretty much stuck with doing it until I find a new job or route. Edit: I know I can stop whenever but this job gets boring sometimes so this is the highlight of my week. Go Utz yourself Reddit!”
#4. In 2 and 1/2 years.
“I’m buying my mother a plane ticket to Salt Lake City for Christmas to visit my two brothers who live there one of which she hasn’t seen in 2 1/2 years.”
#3. I hate it here.
“I’m studying to take the bar in another state with much better job prospects. I want to leave this state (have never lived anywhere else) because I hate it here. I will be far, far away from any family in the new state.
My family will freak. I’ve always been the one everyone goes to when shit needs fixed. My siblings have all done jack shit for my parents all of their lives. It’s always been my job. I’m bitter, and I want to force them to pick up some of the slack.
Plus, I want to live in a city that actually has stuff to do – not BFE where no one wants to be and everything shuts down at 4:30 pm.”
#2. I can’t wait!
“My husband’s 40th birthday is next week. I’ve got tons of surprises planned — concert tickets, football game tickets, surprise party, lots of great gifts— but best of all— his entire family is coming into town to celebrate. I can’t wait! Shhh.”
#1. Worst part of it all.
“There was a fly on our large (like $2000+) living room window, and my 3 year old daughter informed me of this. From my natural reflexes, I went to go smack it dead.
It must be noted I got married a few short weeks before this, and wearing a wedding ring was still new to me. Also, I picked a tungsten carbide ring. Yes, one of the heavy beasts.
The initial sound of the metal on glass was enough to realize I fucked up bad. I left a small dent in that glass, not as bad as it could have been. Enough for me to notice, but not too noticeable unless you look for it.
Worst part of it all, I didn’t kill the fly.”
