Breakups hurt, but they don’t have to be for nothing – we can learn more about what we want, what we need, and how we interact with others from the relationships that don’t work than the ones that do.
That said, maybe the lessons learned by these 12+ people can save you some time (and heartache) the next time around.
#15. You can’t stop them.
“People are who they are, not who you wish they would be. Loving someone and wanting a future with them won’t stop them from being a toxic person. And the only good option with toxic people is to get them out of your life. Even if it hurts.”
#14. You’ll never be able to be yourself.
“If you start the relationship by editing yourself and hiding the parts of you that you think they won’t like, it’s a trap and you’ll never be able to be yourself. Tears will follow. Do yourself a favor and at a reasonable point in the early relationship, be vulnerable and tell them all the things about yourself you are afraid of admitting. They’ll find them out eventually anyway….”
#13. Red flags.
“Cheating is a non-negotiable red flag.
Refusing to take responsibility is a red flag.
Ignoring your s/o is worse than arguing against your s/o which are both infinitely worse than communicating with one another about the topic at hand.
And the best one: you have to love yourself more than you love being in a relationship.”
#12. More red flags…
“If she gets fired from >10 jobs in 6 years because nobody can stand working with her…
That’s a red flag…
Edit: I guess the lesson would be to notice how other people that spend 8hrs a day with her….”
#11. It takes two.
“It takes two to make it work. And I was the only one doing any work, hoping if i worked hard enough, he would love me back as much as I loved him.
Doesn’t work that way.”
#10. Take them at their actions.
“if someone acts like they don’t care, its because they don’t care”
#9. The rest of your life.
“Dont put the rest of your life aside, when they leave you are then left with nothing.”
#8. You can’t love away the issues.
“You can’t love away the depression. She self medicated with alcohol, and my love wasn’t enough to make her stop drinking.”
#7. Abusive households.
“Just because you both grew up in abusive households doesn’t mean the other person will be reluctant to abuse you.”
#6. How you react to this quirk.
“Everyone has a quirk. Everyone. Even you- you just might not know what it is. Day to day survival of a relationship can depend on how you react to this quirk. I dated a lot of guys who would just annoy the piss outta me daily with their quirks, and I’m not contributing our break ups solely to these habits, but it definitely didn’t help to be annoyed or disgusted on the daily by your partner. It took me some time to realize that this is just a part of who they are and I will never be able to change that. Learn to accept people for the funny little things they do.”
#5. Not great for each other.
“Accepting that life happens and sometimes two great people are not great for each other.”
#4. When it comes to kids.
“You can love each other as much as you can but if you’re not compatible when it comes to kids, future goals, etc it’s just not going to work out.”
#3. Not your responsibility.
“Sometimes, their mental health is not an excuse to stay with someone. Sometimes, you just need to let that go and it is not your responsibility to keep them healthy. If something does happen to them, it’s not your fault.
You can’t fix someone’s mental health. They can only do that themselves.”
#2. Don’t date a drinker if…
“Don’t date a drinker when you’re not one yourself.”
#1. Poor boundaries.
“I have poor boundaries and I’m too eager to please while simultaneously being too demanding.
Edit: Lol I wonder if I’ll tell her I got my first 1k comment over her.”
Keep your eyes on the prize out there!
