Dating is a numbers game; the more dates you go on, the more likely you are to find someone you actually click with. But you’re also likely to meet a LOT of duds along the way, and some are definitely worse than others.
On AskReddit, someone shared one of their own worst date stories and then asked other users: “What’s the worst date you have ever been on?”
Here are X of the best entries.
1. I got stopped by the police.
“Had a first date where we went to a couple of parks (we were both poor college students) At the last park we are walking back from the trail and we see some cops walking towards us. They stop us and ask if I was the owner of a grey Pontiac, which I was. So they immediately seperate us. I am understanably confused. The one cop, who looked very pissed offf the whole time, looks at my date and says “Maam….Is there a problem here?” Seems someone had called the cops on us saying I was in the car beating her on the way to the park. HOLY CRAP my life flashed before me. I thought I was being set up.
Thankfully it was not so, and she informed the cops that I had not hit her. The cop gave a quick speech about the importance of reporting domestic violence and shot me a look that said “I better not ever see you in a dark alley” and left us.”
2. My date ran away from the police.
“I had a great date I met on Match.com and I was walking her home at the end of the night and suddenly she started to run away. I started to chase after her and asked her what happened and she just said “Police! I have a warrant out for me.” Well when I found out she had a warrant I kept running, but a different direction than she went. I eventually got caught by the cops and I had to spend a good 20 minutes explaining to them the situation and how I was in no way involved in her crack cocaine dealing ring.”
3. He told me all about his wife’s suicide.
“Mine was the date with this person who spent the entire date telling me, while we were in a crowded Mexican restaurant, first, how much he hated his wife but wouldn’t divorce her because he hated her so much that he didn’t want her to have anything he had, followed by the detailed story of her suicide.”
4. I ended up with a neo-Nazi.
“A few years ago, I decided to try online dating. Probably because I was a little bored.
I found it quite annoying, so I quit the same day but not before getting my hands on some girl phone number.
We flirted on the phone for a while and decided to meet the next day. To be perfectly honest, they were already some red flags. But she was still on the right side of the Vicky Mendoza diagonal.
So, D-Day, I went pick her up at her place. I rang the bell and a really hot blonde got out. The pictures I saw were blurry, so I was more than pleasantly surprised.
Anyway, it was around 4PM, so we decided to go grab some coffee downtown.
And as we go down the streets, she starts making racist comments. That made me incomfortable but my penis really wanted to get to know her better, so I ignored it.
We find a nice bar, find a table outside and she started talking about her life.
Usually, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but she never stopped talking about herself, about how her parents are really rich, that her classmates are bitches who are jealous of her, and so many things.
I barely got to say a few words. I wanted to leave, but she was really hot and gave away some hints I might get lucky that night.
So I ignored the red flags, we left the bar and we wandered in the city for a while.
The discussion drifted and she started talking about how the Holocaust didn’t happen.
Any other time or situation, I would have called her an idiot, left and deleted her number. Hell, I wanted to. But no, I shut up because sex beats everything, including Holocaust deniers.
I already gave up a few hours of my time listening to all her crap, I wasn’t going to let that stop me.
The night was beginning, so I bring her back to her place. On the way, she told me she got a party planned there and that she wanted me to come.
That wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was simple. I didn’t want to meet her friends. But, hell, I didn’t want all that time wasted for nothing, so I said ok.
Back at her place, we drank some rum, make out a little and the guest started coming.
Six or seven of her friends ended up in her appartment, they looked a lot like a gang of bikers, but thanks to all the alcohol I drank, I didn’t gave a fuck.
And then, all of a sudden, it hits me. I saw some tattoo on a guy. It was a fucking swastika. I was at a fucking neo nazi party.
I didn’t know what to do, so I ended up drinking for a while, listening to them making jokes about Muslims and when it seemed appropriate, I got the hell out of there as fast as I could.
The next week end, I received a text from the neo nazi girl, saying that she liked me and wanted me to come over for some alone time.
I did, I had sex and then, when she was sleeping, I disappeared into the night, never to be seen again by her and her neo nazi friends.
She send me a lot of texts after that, threatening me to send her friends to beat me up.”
5. Two words: bloody dolls.
“He had been set up on a blind date by his friend. As he picked up his date, he noticed she was carrying a strange bag, not a purse or anything normally brought on a date, but a garbage bag with stuff in it. He kinda shrugged it off and they got in the car and started driving. During the car ride though, he began to notice what was contained within those bags: two baby dolls with blood smeared on them. He asked her why she had brought two dolls, and she just nonchalantly responded, “they’re my children.” My dad instantly felt that this girl had some problem with her, so he stopped at a gas station and asked her to go inside to get him cigarettes. He immediately drove off, abandoning her at the station with her two bloodied dolls.
When he talked again with his friend who had set up the date, his friend was like, “Oh yea, I forgot to mention. She had two abortions in the past two years, so now she carries around those dolls and claims they’re her children. I thought it was no big deal.”
6. Worst set-up ever.
“My friend in college set me up with this nice young woman because he thought we had something in common and would hit it off.
Our entire conversation that night at dinner went something like this:
Me: “So, how did you meet John?”
“School.”
Me: “Did you have a class together or did you live in the same building or something else?”
“Same apartment.”
Me: “I see. So, what do you do when you’re not in class or studying?”
“Television. Music.”
Me: “Did you want to do something tonight besides eat and talk?”
“No.”
After the date, I asked John what made him think that she would be a good match for me.
“Well, you’re Japanese(-American) and she’s Japanese (exchange student), so I naturally thought you two would get along.””
7. He used a homophobic slur.
“Was set up on a blind date with this guy. Handsome, polite, a gentleman with great manners and a slight southern accent. Held the door for me and got me flowers, which I don’t demand but considered a very nice gesture.
We’re seated at a lovely restaurant, and we order. We’re talking about school and our future careers when a very cute gay couple is seated beside us. My date sneers and tells me he’ll get us reseated, adding “fucking faggots…” not so under his breath.
I stood up, said “Don’t call me”, and left the restaurant. I only wish I had dumped a drink on him or something, and have done so in my head many times since. Luckily I knew there was a subway to get me home. The friend that had set us up had no idea he was such a dick and nobody I know talks to him anymore.”
8. I lied that I was Christian.
“My worst date was with a girl who thought that Islam was a country that she wanted to go to. Her head was so full of air that when we left the restaurant and she invited me back to hers I started to make excuses why I couldn’t stay. She was so persistent that in the end I lied that I was a Christian and basically said that I thought that it’d be inappropriate to go back to hers.”
9. She had lice.
“On our first date she invited me to her house. The house was pretty disgusting, dirty and plenty of trash around. She was remodeling her kitchen so I gave her a pass on it.
Next get together was at my house. I think it was our third date but maybe second. Anyway, short story shorter we get intimate and I quickly became aware she had not bathed. She was funky, not like sticky sweet, feminine funky but like B.O. funky. Also the garden was completely unkempt. Now, I’m a child of the 80s so a little garden is fine by me, but seriously shave your stomach and inner thigh for pete’s sake.
The next day I get a frantic phone call. “I have bugs,” she said. “Bugs,” I replied, “what kind of bugs?” “Lice,” she replied. “Lice! Like upstairs or downstairs,” I asked? “Up,” she said. “I’m outside your house right now and I brought supplies.”
So, she comes in with RID, trash bags, cleaning supplies and four new pillows. She proceeded to bag everything she thought she came in contact with, throws out my pillows and leaves me with a bottle of RID.
Fortunately, I never got lice. I still keep the RID under my sink as a reminder to be more careful in the future. I never saw or heard from her again and that was fine by me.”
10. She had fangs.
“I signed up for internet access way back in ’95 when I was going to college and asked some guy to install ‘a way to chat and meet people in the area’ on my computer. (I was new-ish to computers at the time).
He installed an IRC client and I found a girl who sounded great…blonde hair, blue eyes, 5’6 and goes to the school I went to…even the coffee shop I stop at on my way to classes. We chatted for a few days until we decided to finally meet.
Fast forward a couple of days. Met her at 11a at the coffee shop and…she had fangs. Literally….her canine teeth had implants and were filed down as fangs. She said she was a vampire and she thought we spoke about that during one of our conversations.
No. No we didn’t.
No joke – I logged off of IRC, disconnected my internet service and didn’t sign up again for another 3 years.”
11. I projectile vomited.
“In college at the beginning of freshman year me and a friend took a couple girls out to some parties. These girls seemed to be really into us, and we were getting hammered so things looked great. At one point, we’re passing around a bottle of vodka, taking swigs. After, I dunno, the 6th or 7th swig in about 5 minutes, I projectile vomit on both the women. Before anyone really knows what happened, I turn around, beeline it for the door, and walk back to the other side of campus without my shirt on. (I had to take it off cause it was covered in puke, a lot of people taunted me on the way about it.) When I got back, me and my roommate played guitar hero for a bit, and then I passed out. Good times.”
12. She worshiped the devil.
“Several years ago I was a very different person. I was pre-occupied with the idea of finding a girlfriend, so I spent nearly all my free time online talking to girls and pursuing dates. Needless to say I got rejected a lot and for some reason got so fed up with it that I decided that “Everyone that wants to meet me is going to have the opportunity to do so.” And by deciding this I got to meet a lot of very strange individuals. But the one I’m going to tell you about now is by far the weirdest.
So, I was talking to this girl online and she was the one that initiated the first contact by commenting on my pictures and saying that she thinks I look good. We started chatting after that, talking on the phone and everything seemed to be just fine, and then she invited me to come and visit her and I accepted the invitation. This was the start of one of the most awkward experiences of my life.
I had to take the bus an hour outside of my town, and I had to ask the bus driver to stop at a location where the bus ordinarily doesn’t stop because this girl lived somewhere remote. I got out of the bus and I met her, and she was dressed like Trinity from the Matrix.
We started walking in to the forest, and right away I start to feel uneasy about this. The road wasn’t lit and there were no houses, nothing, just trees and darkness. We walked in silence since she wasn’t able to hold up her part of the conversation, she replied with one word or just remained silent. I should have turned around at this point but as I said before “Everyone that wants to meet me is going to get a chance.”
After a while a little boy appears on a bike and he rides it in circles around us, falling over every now and then, biking off the road, occasionally hits a tree. The girl doesn’t mind this at all. At some point I have to ask: “Who is this? Do you know him?” – “Don’t mind him, he is a retard.” – “What?” – “It’s my brother, there’s something wrong with him.”
The situation starts to become surreal. I’m walking through a moonlit road in the forest with Trinity from the Matrix and her retarded brother. Until I finally see it… The House. And this is scene you can imagine is taken straight out of a horror movie. It’s just one lonely house in the middle of the forest. When I see the house my initial thought is: “This is where I’m going to die.”
But I get in to the house, and I meet her father in the door, he doesn’t understand what I’m doing when I try to shake his hand. I don’t think Trinity has told him that she was going to have company over, and I guess they never have company here.
We walked over to her bedroom, and this is where it gets really weird because her walls are black. And on the wall she has painted this Satanist symbol. The room is lit by candles and her bed has skulls on the bedpost. There is nothing else in this room, and then she proceeds to sit on the floor and starts to ask me repeatedly: “What should we do?”
I’m paralyzed by fear at this point, but I have to ask: “So you are a Satanist?” – “Yes, I worship the devil.” – “Do you melt in sunlight? (I actually asked this) she laughed. I then asked: “Is that why you live like this? Because the villagers have driven your family away?” she laughs again. I’m on the other hand is completely serious.
Then her mother storms in and yells: “Stop fucking, it’s time for dinner. Ey Kent_C_Strait, do you eat goat?” I’m stunned, after what seems like an eternity I replied that I’m fine. But I’m here, with a Satanist in the middle of the forest and the family eats goat. That goat had to have been sacrified in some sort of ritual to please the devil.
I thought: “Oh, alright, I have to survive this, I have to be polite, these people have to lead me back to the bus stop.” So I put on my brave face, suffer through the evening, I even make out with Trinity just to ensure that I was going to be able to leave.
I get a ride to the bus, she forces me to hold her hand in the car. And the moment I leave the car the texts start piling up, with her telling me that “It feels like you love me.” And when I was secured on the bus I replied: “You will never see me again.””
Just…yikes.
