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If played the right way, revenge can be very satisfying. I don’t think I’m a petty person, but sometimes it just feels SO DARN GOOD.
You know what I’m saying?
Of course, you do! You’re only human!
And even when it doesn’t involve you, you have to admit that you still love a good revenge story.
Well, hang on tight and enjoy the ride with these revenge tales from AskReddit users!
1. Whoa!
“I made my old boss think I gave him herpes…..I worked in a crappy factory for awhile, and my boss was a di*k.
He was also untouchable due to his uncle owning the company. He would come down to the floor while we were at break to check our work and he would use my gloves to do it. Made us buy our own gloves, I bought really nice comfy ones.
Thought this was extremely nasty (it was the middle of summer) and asked him to stop, he just shrugged. After about 3 happenings I got an idea. I grabbed an old pair of gloves, a poison ivy leaf, and a hammer. Put the poison ivy in glove and pounded away. Kept the gloves in a bag in my lunchbox till I went to lunch.
Sure enough left the poison gloves out and he used them. I came back and sure enough he used them. Two hours later he came out to my machine, itching like crazy and red bumps all over his hands. Came right up to me, let me see your hands!
I showed him my hands, he showed me his. “You didn’t use my gloves did you, I got some terrible rash on my hands from some slut at the strip club last week!”
No words, no looks, he just left. He left work, went to the doctor, and I hope told that exact story.”
2. School days.
“In fourth grade, I was really into paper plane making. I even bought this book of all the world record holding paper planes and would read it every day.
I had just moved to America and wore very tacky clothing so I was made fun of a lot. So one day I copied the design of the paper plane that had the record for longest time in the air (13.2 seconds or something) and threw it around the playground. It was in the air for 14 seconds!
As I rushed to pick it up though, this *sshole 5th grader came out and stepped on it. Now I was a tiny brown Indian kid and he was a big hockey playing 5th grader but the anger took over me.
I punched him in the face, he bled and I ran away thinking I was in trouble. He never mentioned it to anyone though and was always nice to me throughout middle school and high school.”
3. Rumors.
“In eighth grade, the class b*tch spread a rumor saying that me and my best friend were lesbian for each other and that I’d contracted head lice from her pubes.
Coincidentally, the kids we babysat at the time had a bad case of lice. In a moment of ingenuity, me and my friend swiped a few off of their heads and put them in an envelope. The next morning in homeroom, we saw the little cunt asleep on her desk and dumped the lice on her head when no one was looking.
They made themselves at home and she had lice for a month. Four lovely weeks of giggling uncontrollably every time we saw her hopelessly scratching her infested head during class. Payback’s a b*tch.”
4. Dad was proud.
“My little sister and I used to hang out with a bunch of rowdy kids when we were 7 and 9.
An 11-yr old boy decided to throw a rock at my sister from across a major street and missed. She calmly picked up the rock and tossed it back and it glanced off his head.
My dad proceeded to try to give my sister a talking to about throwing rocks, but he was beaming with pride.”
5. You’re outta here.
“A kid who treated school like it was pointless, and caused tons of problems for everyone once tried to get me expelled by saying I was going to bring a gun to school, because he was just a d*ck.
I was called into the principle’s office, there were cops, and I sh*t you not, a power point presentation about gun safety in schools.
I asked what all this was about, and they said someone had said I was going to pull this sh*t off. I was admittedly scared, but I kept my cool, and explained how I’m one of a/v kids, I worked on after school projects, and was surprisingly not that bad, just told jokes a lot.
Now as it turns out, you can place tips anonymously, but this d*ck had opted not to, I had a class where he was always a d*ck to me, so the teacher was called, asked for their opinion, apparently he had heard a rumor someone called a fake threat in the hall before his current class.
Well with a little luck, and a teacher on my side, plus the other kid’s reputation was sh*tty, and his grades were too. And my grades were… Well less sh*tty, but my reputation was pretty good. So I got off the hook, I was relieved, but angry.
Given the situation, I played up the victim role, and congratulated people for behaving responsibly to a perceived threat, asked what would happen to the kid that put me through this hassle, and specifically asked if this was worth expulsion, I saw the principal smile, but he said he couldn’t tell me, school policy, but a week later he was expelled, and all I had to do was plant an idea. 🙂
I guess he had broken one too many rules.”
6. Sweet revenge.
“My roommate trashed my room in a fit of rage.
I convinced our entire school that he wrote a heartfelt letter to our school president asking for his hero, Scott Stapp of Creed, to be our graduation speaker.
I’m pretty sure I won.”
7. Dog eat dog.
“Because sixth graders are evil incarnate to other sixth graders, a bunch of kids in my class made an unofficial school government. Obviously it just fell into the top pricks and their prick friends being on the top and excluded and made fun of everyone else.
I somehow argued my way into a small “job” in the stupid thing just so they would stop making fun of me. We formed a “congress” and wrote “bills”. Suddenly they wouldn’t show me a bill and kicked me out. That bill was “beatlemaniacjng has man-bo*bs, is fat, and should be killed”.
They wouldn’t show that bill to me, threw them in garbage can buried them in papers. The rest of the day they made many more of these asinine bills and did the same. After 5th period I went threw all the garbage cans (gross I know) and found all of the insulting sh*t they wrote.
I said “hey I got your stupid bills”. At first they said “uhh… Ok”. Then I said “no. At the end of the day I’m bringing the to our principal”. The. Sh*t. Hit. The. Fan. Long story short I held it over their heads for the entire day. They lost it and this happened…
•all of them begged me to not turn them in. •they were conspiring all day to get the back •they were all freaking out • two Boys, very popular and athletic, CRIED during the whole thing. •finally one of them cracked, was almost in tears, told on herself and her friends. Nobody f*cked with me after that day…”
8. A big win!
“Once a friend couple looted an exquisite dessert I ordered at a restaurant dining with them. The cruel bastards just ate it in front of my eyes. I told them “you know, revenge is a dish best served cold”. They just laughed.
Roughly two years later, we were out drinking beers and they told me they were gonna watch Fight Club, highly anticipating the movie since they both had heard so many good things about it.
I f*cked them over and told them: “you know, (spoiler alert) Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are the same person”. They didn’t get it at first, but 30 minutes into the movie they called me and told me I was an *sshole.
Win!”
9. A bad drunk.
“One of my friends works in this big company and tends to bring in new people with him whenever we go out clubbing. One night, he brings in this one guy who I will call K.
While we were eating and pre-gaming at this restaurant, K seemed alright at first despite hearing from my friend that he gets absolutely nuts when he’s drunk. Absolutely nuts was definitely an understatement.
After numerous sake bombs, K is smashed and when we were walking towards our next destination, he starts pretending he can parkour, cartwheeling, trying to run on walls. He almost tried to jump from the fourth floor of a parking garage.
Of course, it doesn’t end there. We rented out a hotel room/suite for that night, and for the rest of it, K acted like a drama queen. By this point, it was clear to everyone else that he was an annoying, little sh*t.
All through the night, K kept shuffling on his place on the bigger couch, whining, moving about, and turning off the lights to the bathroom (I wanted to keep it on so my other friend, who was sick, could see her way to the bathroom, just in case she needed to throw up.) because he couldn’t sleep with it on. I was stuck sleeping on one of the single couch seats so I had a real hard time trying to sleep. I was getting crankier dealing with this guy.
Fast forward to a few months later, it’s my friend’s birthday and we go clubbing again. He was sorta picky on who to invite because he didn’t want certain characters in there, but he still invited a sh*t ton of people.
Of course, K gets a whiff of the party from someone else at their work and comes into the club already drunk. He bumps into people, spilling their drinks, and grinds up on girls that don’t want anything to do with him.
I’m just standing there with my other friends, telling them about K, until I come up with an idea of telling the bouncer about dealing with this guy. I go up to one of the bouncers, tell them that this dude in the middle of the dance floor is bumping into people, spilling drinks everywhere, and causing a ruckus.
I may have embellished some stuff, but it worked. The bouncer makes his way towards K, taps him on the shoulder, and K almost starts a fight with the bouncer. Bad move.
The bouncer grabs K and starts pulling him out. K goes limp on the floor, forcing the bouncer to pretty much to pull him by the legs, down the stairs (we were on the second floor), and out the club.
It was f*cking amazing to see that moment. One of my friends tipped the bouncer heavily for helping us out because otherwise, K would have ruined someone elses’ night.”
10. Unforgettable.
“This happened to me when 3 months after I graduated from high school.
So, there’s this two girls that always been bullying me since junior high. They would spread fake stories around, made me quit from being one of school’s club leader, and basically just being The Plastics spreading hate so people won’t hang out with me. But I never do anything about them because of many reasons.
Anyway, these two girls LOVES everything related to Japan and both of them always been dreaming of moving to Japan so they could eat thousands of Pocky and married to their dream Japanese man. But these two are too lazy to do something with their dreams.
On the other hand, I too, was fascinated with Japan as a whole country and been dreaming of studying there so I worked my *ss off so maybe I could get the chance to win a scholarship.
And I did. Right in front of one of the girls. I was visiting my classmate’s house with her and other friends to do something, and then while we got bored and decided to order something to eat, my dad called to tell me that the Japanese government have been trying to call me but apparently they can’t contact my number, so I have to call them back. And after I called, I found out that I won the 3 years scholarship program to Japan.
The look on her face was unforgettable. I could taste the sweetness of revenge I almost got diabetes.”
11. BOOM.
“I just found out that my ex-girlfriend was only in a relationship with me because she wanted someone to go to prom with… I really liked her so I dropped $240 on the night – tickets for us both, a tux, a nice corsage, and of course some alcohol.
Well after I found out that she had just used me to go, a mutual friend of ours showed me a conversation they’d been having. Something along the lines of how many guys she’s hooking up with, how they are super hot, chiseled abs, whatever.
I was pissed because she never once hooked up with me, and she wasn’t even in a relationship with any of them.
A couple months after all of this, that same friend showed me a text from my ex saying “F*CK. I HAVE GONORRHEA”.
Posted it on FB and tagged her in it. Boom.”
12. The bouncer.
“I was a bouncer at a club in college. We went through an epidemic of girls getting roof’d because they would A. Leave a drink somewhere, B. Take drinks from strangers, C. Leave it with the ‘friendzoned party dude’ who took things a little personally.
To me, none of those reasons matter. That’s jacked up and very very seriously angered me.
Well, I found him. It took some detective work (aka bouncer not wearing a security shirt so as not to be noticed) and found that bastard using a powder in a girls drink while she was gone. We also just happened to have this quaint little back alley through a back door.
I spent about 15 minutes befriending this man, (or do*chebag if you prefer) and told him if he really wanted to party I had some blow in my car out back. I let him lead the way out.
And promptly face slammed his head into a wall and knocked him out in the alley. Made sure his ‘pill bottle’ was easy to find, and left him there (cops patrol the alley fairly regularly.)
I went back inside, made sure that the drink had been dumped (called it in on radio before I started talking to hi), put on my actual security clothes and went back to work.
Revenge not for me, but for all the girls that should know better, but don’t.”
13. Bad neighbor.
“Back when I was in middle school there was this boy that lived across the street from me. Our parents were really good friends so this led to us babysitting him and vice versa a lot.
Whenever he would be at my house he would be a little d*ck and break something then run to tell my parents that I broke it and naturally my parents believed him. He did a lot more of things to get me in trouble, but this is what he did most frequently.
One day when they were babysitting me I got the idea of taking some of these little lawn gnomes similar to these but less expensive that I found at a flea market and putting them in his closet, under his bed, in the shower, etc… wherever I he would frequently go.
Then the next time I saw him he would tell me how he kept finding them everywhere and when he would give them to his parents they would just say he was doing it for attention. Each time he found one I would find a new hiding spot for it.
Then one night when I was sleeping over because my parents were going to be out really late and wanted me to go sleep earlier, I had a plan. Since I had already been torturing him for about six months with the gnomes I gathered many from my adventures around the local flea market.
Once he fell asleep I quietly entered his room and put all the gnomes I had around him there were dozens of them in his bed all lined around him and by his face. The next morning I am woken by the loudest and most blood curdling scream I ever heard.
I run in there to see what happened as a result of the gnomes and he is sitting in the fetal position wrapped in his blankets repeating “No more gnomes. No more gnomes.” When his parents got in there they finally believed all he said about the gnomes, while I sat there trying to hold back my laughter.
Fast Forward to when we were in high school. Since I stopped hiding the gnomes a few years back I was wondering if he was still frightened by them so I grabbed a few of them and headed into school.
During our first class of the today I excused myself and opened up his locker (very easy to break into all you had to do was jiggle it a little bit) and on the shelf that was at eye level and placed them in a line on the shelf.
Then after first block I am walking to my next class and I see him bolting from his locker to the nearest bathroom and he was sobbing for the next half hour until a teacher could convince him to come out and talk about it. He didn’t come to school for the rest of the week.
Looking back on it I may have gone a little too far, but he tortured me for years before and after I started with the gnomes.”
How about you?
What’s your best story of epic revenge?
Tell us all about it in the comments!
